The Ancient Era of Outer Game
The Ancient Era of Outer Game.
Preface…A Warning.
In recent times I have been fingers deep in some in depth inner game articles so I thought to myself, “Alexander, it’s time for a change of scenery. Let’s talk about the process. Let’s talk outer game.”
Outer game itself is the verbal structures of the interaction. It is the knowledge of the social world and things that you might need to say or do to better your success with women. In the early days of ‘The Game,’ guys would manipulate the structures of social interactions in order to figure out how to get girls. This made sense logically, but as Real Social Dynamics got more and more field experience we realised that we were looking at the wrong channels. Inner game was the foundation of good game; outer game was just the logistical facilitator.
Our focus shifted to natural game; transforming yourself into a naturally attractive guy and coming into alignment with the man you are meant to be.
And this is where real success will come from. But, you need some ‘moves’ on top of tight inner game and elite congruence to make the best of any interaction. This is often neglected by guys who go all out with the pure natural game branch of knowledge. If congruence with yourself is 80% of your success then outer game is 10% of your success. The rest is in field intuition (or knowledge of the matrix, but that goes hand in hand with personal growth through social exposure and experience).
Remember, outer game is an expression of your naturally attractive self. Not a compensation for it. In the early days all that we knew was outer game, so people would learn it and quickly bury any remnants of the natural self that they used to be. Some still fall into this trap. You are not your moves; rather your moves are an expression of yourself. They are handy tools to have at your disposal in times when in-field manoeuvrability and versatility will make the difference between having sex with someone else – or yourself.
At the same time, if you take the moves too seriously, if you identify with them, then you can become bound to them. If you live off plans and you encounter a situation where you don’t have a pre-planned contingency, then you are left high and dry not knowing which way to turn or what script to deliver. Knowledge of moves brings with it the risk of turning a free flowing intuitive and present headspace into a headspace that executes ‘if: then’ ASCII computer code.
Outer game is very good for a guy who just wants to get into field and get started. He will soon realise that the moves are not the be all and end all, but they do give you an advantage. When I teach outer game or moves it’s a case of me passing on my intuition and experience for others to instantly implement. While this information has taken years for the crème of the crop of Real Social Dynamics to find and verify the knowledge of these moves are insignificant compared to what we know about inner game and personal growth.
What some people will charge you thousands of dollars to learn in seminars or DVD’s is here for you for free. Why? So my bootcamp students have a good knowledge of some moves to compliment the inner game and personal growth experiences that can only be taught in person on bootcamp.
How does Outer Game Fit In With RSD curriculum.
A = HV + E∞. To inspire attraction in a woman you need to come from a place of higher value and be her source of a full range of emotions. The more emotional stimulus you can provide for a girl the more attracted to you she is going to be. This is where the infinity behind the ‘E’ comes into play. Most guys only start a conversation and talk to the girl for a minute or maybe two until which time she gets nervous and doesn’t know what to say and he runs away. Or the guy forgets he was born with a nut-sack and sulks away to look at porno on his blackberry.
Knowledge of outer game structure can give you enough conversational ammunition to communicate long enough to begin to arouse the girl that you are talking to. This is called chatting up girls. Talk to a girl long enough that you get into a conversational groove, convey a full range of emotions. Come from a place of self expression, not girl-impression, for long enough and you will surely inspire attraction.
To get the expression not impression principles check out these articles:
Who Are You, A = HV + E, The Golden Rule, Identity Level Change.
If you have outer game but no inner game, you will inspire a range of emotions in a woman but still be trying to impress her. Attraction is not satisfied. At the same time, you could be the most internally centred, coolest, decorated war hero, but if you don’t interact with the woman then she won’t be emotionally aroused by you. Attraction isn’t satisfied. There needs to be a combination of arousal inspired by you and value conveyed to the girl. Talking to the girl coming from a place of higher value combined with an expression of yourself. The more you do this, the more the girls is going to like you, the better you are going to be at meeting new girls from cold approaches.
In terms of the learning curve of game, outer game is the facilitator of experience for a guy who is oblivious to emotional communication. If a guy has never ever done a cold approach then he will have no idea that girls communicate emotionally. But he will only begin to realise that fact once he starts interacting with girls. If a guy were to try and start communicating with girls right off the bat then he would be lost at sea. It would be like me trying to speak Portuguese. I have no idea. An intermediate facilitator of that language will pave the way for me to get an intuitive and manoeuvrable understanding of a foreign language.
Or, you could think of outer game like being consciously competent at game where most guys are consciously incompetent. Once you are totally consciously competent at the outer game stuff you can transcend it, and become unconsciously competent at it. You make the shift from lower value communication to higher value communication and attraction is satisfied. But you need the conscious implementation to catapult from conscious incompetence (no idea) to unconscious competence (mastery).
On an elite level, when the coaches do things like palm reading, iridology and qualification it’s a case of adding immaculate field tested outer game ‘moves’ to an existing immaculate internally centred self. Metaphorically it would be like taking chuck Norris and giving him James Bond’s car and gadgetry – enough said. Amongst coaches we don’t like to used these things because we feel morally bad, as though it is unfair or something. We know the effect it has so it’s probably immoral to use. But that is ultimately your subjective judgment. It’s not a moral issue if you don’t know what to expect from implemented tried and tested moves. It’s your own experimentation process to gain a sound understanding of the fluid workings of the social world.
Basically outer game is the extended expression of yourself. As Jeffy would say, they are “the spices on the steak”. It’s a potent thing, but if you use too much you are going to be in all sorts of trouble. So, without further ado, use at your own risk.
The Found Structure Behind Historically Good Interactions
In any good interaction (natural or structured) the following elements will happen in basically this linear order:
Pre open.
Opener (three parts)
Group Theory
Attraction
Escalation
Isolation
Value Inversion
Rapport
Vibing
Qualification
Number close
OR,
Extraction
End Game
(Remember that you are likely to encounter congruence tests all the way through.)
In one case you would get a number that would a very solid with a low chance of flaking. In the other case you would follow the interaction all the way through to taking the girl home.
In understanding all of these steps, or even just understanding that they exist, it gives you something to do with CONVICTION. A lot of guys have a great personality and very good inner game, but no vehicle by which to express it. Let these steps be that vehicle. When you act with conviction you inspire richer emotions in the girls you interact with. When you act with conviction you behave in a way that is unstifled and you communicate to the girl that you are following your own intentions. She will categorize you quickly as an alpha male and attraction will soon follow.
Each and every step in the process has a place and purpose. I see so many of my students execute so much of the chain properly but neglect one important link that brings everything undone.
Pre Opener
Of course the opener is the first point of contact. But the girl will have a sense of who you are and how you feel before you even get to her. So take responsibility for that. Get yourself into state, do some warm ups, take some dares and get yourself into a deluded, somewhat thoughtless state of mind.
When you do begin the verbal part of the interaction realise that it’s not going to be a short sharp thing. When you open the set expect that you are going to be there for a minimum of ten minutes. Embrace the interaction for the sake of the interaction; don’t reach straight for her box.
The Opener, Part One.
The good old fashioned false time constraint is as valid as it has always been. This serves the purpose of disarming the girls immediately and will help set the frame that the girls are going to game you. The false time constraint doesn’t need to be elaborate, just communicate that you aren’t there to set up camp. I can think of ten examples of a good false time constraints but “hey, one sec” is more than enough to serve the purpose you are trying to achieve.
The Opener, Part Two
With the opener itself, there is any number of ways that you can start the conversation. Most of the openers that you have read – unique or mainstream – can work as you long as realise it’s not the opener that’s going to get the girl, it’s just the preliminary means by which to get the conversation rolling. Think statements, opinion openers, basic questions, observations, cold reads, deliberate illogicality, hook questions, saving the girl from creeps or simply introducing yourself.
The Opener, Part Three
But that is just the main part of the opener after the false time constraint. This will usually get the girls intrigued or sceptical about you and have them volunteering a response to you. Usually the response isn’t going to be her dropping to her knees and worshipping your dangle. After she responds to the way you initiate the conversation you need to respond to her by communicating a different emotion from the one you initially did.
You: “Hey, one sec. My name is Alex. I don’t usually see you at this place”
Her: “Uh, maybe that’s because you’re blind.”
You: “Oh, no, that’s probably because you are that girl who is always hanging out in the cloak room with the promo guys. I heard about you!”
You have gone from nice guy to challenging guy and passed a congruence test. A = HV + E, attractive frame.
Or,
You: “Hey, one sec. My name is Tim. I had to meet you.”
Her (nervously): “Oh, hi Tim!”
You: “Oh shit, you don’t have a name. Maybe you were not the girl I was supposed to meet.”
Push pull: the girl is reacting to you. The frame is set. A good rule of thumb is: the frame you start with is the frame you are stuck with.
One you have opened the conversation and you are onto the second part of the opener this is where you show your personality. With a good frame set, segue to the classic conversation ratio where you talk 90% of the time and the girl talks 10% of the time. At the beginning of the interaction you can expect the girl to be shy or trying to manage the impression she is making of you, so it is important that you get the conversation rolling and give her a chance to become involved with it.
A few good ways to do this is to go into a relevant story, multiple threading, Tim’s pounding of passion where you ask the girl several questions in quick succession or going into plot lines and role playing. This is the part of the interaction that usually happens between when you open and when you hook. This is when it is important to plow and beat congruence tests until you hook. Keep talking off the opener until she has relaxed and is cool with you being there.
With some field experience and a good inner game this should be pretty easily done. Basically just think of it as having a conversation because – that’s what it is. If it gets boring spice it up, if it gets out of control chill it out. You control the rhythms of the interaction because you have a more dominant frame and better knowledge of who you than others’ knowledge of who they are.
Group Theory
One of the biggest pitfalls in most interactions is the friends of the girl, or her peer group. A group of girl’s state is interdependent; if you go taking one away from the group then you mess up all of their states and take the party away from them. The very first thing you should do after the opener is meet all of her friends. The group will either form a coalition to destroy you or plan a hen’s night for your imminent marriage to their friend. To get the girls onside it’s very straightforward, just talk to them and introduce yourself to everyone.
A good rule of thumb with this is ‘flirty and illogical with the target, friendly and logical with the friends’. For example, ask what each of the friends do for a job but state that the girl you like must work as a mermaid. Logical versus illogical. If you get flirty with the ugly friends they may adopt you and then get sad and bitchy if you don’t pay them attention. You want to have an emotional interaction with the girl you like, talk to the friends like they are nuns from the Mormon cult.
When addressing the group a whole you can do role plays, ask about group dynamics, ask how they know each other or whatever. It’s all pretty straight forward stuff. Ask them which Sex in the City girl they play, which Spice Girl they would be, go Dr Phil on their ass, et cetera, et cetera.
Beware however the fatty/manager/bitch/psychologically unsound/not getting laid chick. She can make every one unhappy; even if the cute girl likes you, the bitchy girl can ruin everything. Because girls are heavily influenced by their environment, they also agree without question to the opinions of their friends. This is very frustrating because the bitchy girl can be your Achilles’ heel. Or, she could be your cupid.
In short, call her the sniper girl (Natural Tim, 2006) and accuse her of being the girl that keeps all her friends from doing stupid thing they will regret when they are drunk. Say that it’s a pleasure to meet her, because if it wasn’t for girls like her then your friend/cousin/sister/workmate would have been at the abortion clinic many times over. The sniper girl often likes this and will try and lick your face. Don’t succumb. Thank her for her good Samaritan work and be on your way with her friend with the sniper girl’s blessing.
With guys in the group there are two ways to handle it. In the first place the guy will be a chode, do nothing and because you are a cooler and more sociable guy the girls will recognise you are the coolest guy around and be attracted to you because girls are attracted to the most alpha guy in the group. No worries, most guys are bitches and are scared, but they are good to prop you up to a more alpha role then when you were approaching on your own.
Secondly the guys might try and fuck with you and do some kind of “AMOGing” (Alpha Male Other Guy). Personally, I think AMOG’ing is kinda lame and definitely unnecessary. The only person I AMOG is Ryan, not because I want his girls, but because I want to talk to him and the girls are detracting me from doing that. If a guy is trying to mess with you, the girls you are talking to will clearly notice and realise that he is less cool than you for trying to fuck with you. Call the guy on ‘not being cool’ with something like, “Hey man, what the fuck are you talking about, chill out, we’re all just being cool here.” Proceed to introduce yourself and he will either be blown out by the girls or he will disappear into the bathrooms to snack on the urinal cakes.
Attraction
The next part of the interaction is attraction. This doesn’t mean that you have to deploy your flying monkeys with fangs. Attraction will come from you just talking to the girl and the group through a higher value frame (less reactive, more assertive, less predictable) and exposing her to a full range of emotions as a function of you talking to her. If you are talking to her the conversation goes like most ‘meet and greet’ conversations go you will be bored and be inspired to pull your pants down or something similar. Reframe, be socially calibrated, but do thwart your boredom with an array of self entertaining conversation spikers as opposed to the good old fashioned interview questions.
Some things that might prevent you from falling asleep on the beer mats are:
• Teasing
• Sexual misinterpretation
• Cold reading
• Compliance ladders
• Verbal and physical push pull
• Using the phrase ‘let’s play a game’
• Nicknames
• Qualification
• Implementing the Anomaly effect
• Teaching something
• Take aways
• Extreme multiple threading
• Elastic snap back
• Game and gimmicks
• Play with iPhone
• Sexual innuendo
• Shock and awe
• ‘Us versus the world’ conspiracies
• Plot lines
• Emotional rapport
• Beating congruence tests
• Physical communication and leading
• Frame controlling
• Using the word ‘babe’
• Verbal rhythm
• Emotional content of your language
• Eye contact and intensity
• Story telling style.
• Many others
(This list was taken directly from the post A = HV + E, the complete article on attraction)
A lot of these moves are things that a guy will do naturally when he is just fucking around, implement them if you will. Remember though, the moment you deliberately implement these actions to get the girl to like you the actions become unattractive things. Do them as an expression of yourself for the purposes of self entertainment.
If a girl meets a guy who can express himself in the above listed ways, win the approval of her judgemental friends and start and carry a conversation until the point where the girl is comfortable then you will most certainly hook the girls attention and inspire attraction. Remember though, there can’t be one iota of you trying for rapport with her until she tries for rapport with you. Classic game theory reminds us that attraction always comes before rapport. Or more accurately, you don’t have a serious conversation with the girl until she initiates serious talk with you. You need to be an involvement worthy guy.
So, finally you have her hooked. The girl initiates serious questions of you, usually to the tune of “where are you from, what do you do, how long are you staying here”. These questions will surely put you to sleep I know, but you have to be polite. Answer some things accurately and misinterpret some when it entertains you. Will you will begin to develop rapport simply by talking to the girl and getting to know each other. If you entertain yourself through the ‘get to know you’ generic conversation you will radiate an arousing range of emotions that will keep the girl interested and result in her attraction towards you building.
Escalation
But, let me back track here for a moment. On another simultaneous dimension is the action concurrent to conversation: physicality. As Christophe says, “If you’re talking, your touching.” Basically the difference between friendly and flirty is physicality. So if you are worried about that cake-binger’s sexual advances on you then just cut off all contact. Don’t let her boobs rub against you ‘cause you will give her the wrong idea and the wrong reasons to go to the ladies room.
With the cute girls, however, physical interaction is chemistry itself. It’s the bumping and vibrating of ions that generates heat and tension and she is bound to react. You should think of your physical interaction with the girl as something that increases with intensity steadily but not smoothly. Similar to the jagged upwards gradient of a stock exchange graph (with the exception of recent times).
The best way to think of escalation is two steps forward and one step back. This can be done to the tune of push and pull, gradually getting closer, but without being overly predictable. Start the escalation at the very beginning of conversation with the cute girl, otherwise you will get into a friendly frame. Don’t start the physicality with too much intensity otherwise you will set a restraining order frame. Start with a hand shake and five minutes later you want to be telling secrets. Five minutes later again you want to be holding hands, keep this two steps forward one step back going until you have something we call physical rapport. This is where you and the girl are completely comfortable in each other’s personal space. There is a threshold to how physical you can get at a bar however, but it does set a platform for further physical intimacy later on in a private setting.
Isolation
With the entire notion of physical escalation understood let’s get back to the conversational dimension of the interaction. Once the girl has hooked and started asking you question’s, the friends have been won over and you are well on the way to good physical rapport, it is time to get the girl one on one. This is called isolation. Girls are susceptible to the arousing and ever changing external stimuli around them. If you are the only source of stimulus to her you will be her only source of arousal. More so, she won’t be distracted by girl friends and the likelihood of her being approached by others guys is non-existent when she is one on one with you.
Getting the girl one on one with you is easily done if you have hooked and fulfilled the other aspects of the interaction up until this point. The way I isolate almost every time is to say to the girl’s group of friends, “We are going to get a drink. We’ll be back soon. Fatty you are cut off.” I don’t usually say the bit about the fatty because she gets pissed at me and so does the girl. I can then take the girl by the hand like a couple, create an ‘us versus the world conspiracy’ or a ‘bubble of love’ and escalate further again. Waiting in line we have a chance to talk one on one and I will even talk to other girls in the area while I am waiting for drinks for social proof and some general self absorption.
A word of note about buying drinks – and I have written about this before (albeit badly: How to Drink) -buying drinks for girls is fine. Drink buying is good when its expression not impression. It makes sense to the girl that if she is going to hook up with a guy if he’s going to buy her drinks. In her socially conditioned mind this clicks. When she has a few drinks she can then begin to move towards justifying going home with you. And, most importantly, it’s good to bring a girl with you to the bar because where I drink I have been cut off from ordering more than one drink for me at a time. With a girl there I can buy the drink under the guise that she will drink most of it, when really, I will drink all of it.
The Value Inversion Point
So by this stage you have the girl opened and hooked, her friends like you, you are getting physical, you are one on one and attraction is consistent because you are continuing to communicate from a frame of attraction, A = HV + E. So far you have been gaming the girl. But, we all know that you won’t get laid unless the girl games you. In the beginning of the interaction you need to put your personality out there and involve her with it, she’s interested in you for you, which is cool. But as far as she knows you are interested in her just for some ‘poontang.’
At the point where you have hooked and isolated, the point where you go from a 90:10 talking ratio to a 50:50 talking ratio, the point where you stop gaming the girl and the girl starts gaming you is something magical and new called the VALUE INVERSION POINT. It is called this because this is when you stop demonstrating value to the girl and you give her the chance to start demonstrating her value to you. This way you give her a chance to give you a chance to like her for her, not just for the look of her. The truth of the matter is, even if a girl is breathtakingly hot, if she’s a piece of shit human being (drugs, validation whore, harlot, or dumbass) you won’t be able to endure her long enough to hook up with her.
Basically, the value inversion point is when the girl needs to start making an effort to keep you from walking away. She will tend to do this by asking you boring fucking questions, but this is a good thing because you know she is gaming you. She won’t start asking you questions unless you give her a chance to start asking you questions. If you don’t give her that chance and keep talking you become entertainer man, the dancing money. You want her to be the dancing monkey; a girl loves a chase.
The value inversion point is a subtle thing. It’s basically you pausing on a high note of the interaction expectantly waiting for her to continue the conversation. You are more comfortable with the silence than she is. You know that you’re an involvement worthy guy, she knows that your an involvement worthy guy and you both know that if she doesn’t start investing in the conversation pretty soon you’re gonna start striding away because she is actually boring to you. She knows you could have options.
When she starts asking you questions from a frame where she is trying for rapport with you, you are in a frame where you are a selector and unreactive. She reacts to the stated facts of your statements as prompted by her questions. In this frame, once this VALUE INVERSION has occurred, the interaction is as good as successful. But it is a critical moment. You need to know when to expectantly pause at just the right time to catalyse the shift in value demonstration.
In the following clip the value inversion point happens at the 8.56 point. Notice the change of investment into the conversation as elicited by the male. I don’t like to use Hollywood as an example of real life but this is an exception where what I’m trying to communicate is accurately demonstrated.
Rapport
Now you have an interaction where the girl is gaming you and you are having fun. This will ultimately result in you getting the girl. But, that won’t happen then and there on the dance floor floorboards, you need to get to know each other. Once you have conquered the value inversion point you are in a zone where you are just chatting up the girl. Yes that right, all you have to do form this point on is chat up the girl. It will generally be a 50/50 interaction where there is a combination of statements and questions generated by each of you but all the while you are in control of the frame. While you are in control of the frame it creates an opportunity for the girl to game you which is extremely arousing to her.
The more you simply get to know each other the more rapport you will have with a girl. The more you chat up the girl in a one on one situation the more you will be her source of arousing stimulus the more emotions she will get from you, the stronger her attraction towards you will be. A = HV + E∞. While you are talking and getting to know each other you are continuing to physically escalate which is arousing in and of itself.
Some basic knowledge about rapport states that there are essentially two type of rapport that you can have with a girl. Wide rapport which is the discussion of a broad range of topic until you find several commonalities. Then there is deep rapport which is deeper heart to heart topics like who her hero’s are, what she was in high school, what her dream job is. These rapport questions and be mirrored by yourself and in the case of the deep rapport questions cut out any sorts of egos you might both be projecting and exposed your natural self deep down while it helps your girl to find and get in touch with her natural self.
Think of the notion of rapport in terms of ‘investments and returns’. Conversationally the more a person invests into another person the more they are going to want a return. The more you get the girl talking to you and asking you questions the more she is going to want something from that investment she made later on. No point spending all the time gaming you up to see you just walk away. She will feel let down and rejected. The more you can create an opportunity for her to invest in you with questions, trying-for-rapport body language and tonality the more she is going to want to see you again or be validated by you. Which could mean getting to see you again or ultimately physical intimacy.
Vibing
The whole chatting up the girl phase is what’s known as vibing. Vibing is when two people are lost in the moment. Of course we know that when you are present in the moment you have fun and feel good, you escape your future issues and your past dramas. Once you get into chatting with a girl conversation can get deep, and time will fly without you even noticing. When you are in the moment you and the girl both get back to default natural states. In your simultaneous default natural states you will naturally go towards sex in co-operation. That is the natural way that males and females interact in any species.
When you are vibing with a girl and getting to know her you can reconcile intent to ‘close’ with enjoyment of the interaction for the interaction itself. You know that if you get the girl in to the moment, beat whatever tests or obstacles come up, and continue to spend time with her then you and her will ultimately become more intimate with sex being the eventual outcome. For many guys they think that they need to be pulling the girl into a bathroom immediately or unbuttoning his fly there on the balcony. Realise that once you are into vibing with physicality the interaction is everything it needs to be. Vibe it out and when the opportunity to extract comes up take it. If an opportunity doesn’t come up manufacture one. All you need to know is that things are on the right track. Plus why would she be vibing with you if she didn’t like you and didn’t eventually want to get more intimate with you? You and your conversation is enough.
Word of note. Getting the make out in the bar isn’t beneficial to the progress of the interaction. Kissing the girl will communicate clearly to her that you and her are probably going in the direction of sex which will take the fun gaming element out of the interaction for her. Furthermore, if you don’t go home with the girl that night when she goes to take your phone call during the week she won’t be able to justify seeing you because she will know that her relationship with you is going to be geared towards physical intimacy, namely sex. A physically geared relationship is ok, it just can’t be an obvious and predictable thing.
If you don’t kiss the girl there is a lot more tension and a full range of emotions exchanged as a result of that. She will even try to start kissing you in the bar, or start wondering why a cool guy like you isn’t kissing the her, a girl who considers herself to be attractive. Better to leave the kissing to a location where you have potential to do more than just kissing.
Congruence Tests
Of course the interaction is not all smooth sailing. In a dream world you could just cruise into a bar, talk to some girls, move her somewhere isolated and talk her into the sack. Nope, we live in the real world. Though, that easy-lay scenario has been known to occur. The inclement weather that prevents smooth sailing is called congruence tests.
These happen all through the interaction. From start to finish, but less during the vibing phase where is it usually just playful and innocent teasing. A congruence tests is where the girl gives you any sort of unfavourable response that makes it difficult to continue the interaction with her. Natural game is you approach girl, talk naturally, beat tests until you hook up with the girl. Girls test guys to ensure they are worthy partners. Remember that it’s men and women’s default state to eventually have sex because people are naturally attracted to one another, it drives species reproduction, the guy who passes the most tests is the one who will get the girl.
If you are that congruence with the man you are supposed to be then you will usually get very few tests in the same way that most guys wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardise hooking up with a model hot girl.
Girls test guys automatically and unconsciously all the time. Not because they are bitches, but they need to sort the men from the boys. Testing is something that is built into them. Understand that beating a congruence tests is a DEMONSTRATION OF HIGHER VALUE. Not your attraction routines, DHV’ing with them is called being an insecure try hard. The girl only knows you are a guy of value, and of higher value than her, when you beat or successfully deal with a testing situation.
These situations could be the girl ignoring you, her calling you a player, her telling you to go away, telling you that you are using a pick up line or her just being a total bitch. She’s probably a nice girl but she’s used to chodes hitting on her and she need to sort the quality from the riff-raff. If you are not capable of passing tests then you need to work on your inner game.
If you not going up to her trying to impress her, and you’re just being cool, she will at some point question you, test you, antagonise you or straight up try and belittle you. If you can remain unreactive to this, you hold the attractive frame(A = HV + E) and you overtly demonstrate that you are a man of value relative to her.
That being said, if you are clever and know how to do thing to generate tests immediately you can beat those same tests just as quickly. One example is calling a girl a minger.
So, the primary and most effective way to beat a girls test, or anyone’s for that matter, is to just plain out ignore it. If that doesn’t work then you can get a little bit creative with your response. Note that it is a response, not a reaction to her test. You can say “righto”, “I don’t speak Spanish”, “by X you mean Y” (another extended blog on that later) or “it’s all good.”A test is like a speeding bullet, it’s only as lethal as the impact it makes on you. If you don’t acknowledge the test then it isn’t validated and it simply doesn’t exist. You hold the higher value frame, you are less reactive to her and you overtly demonstrate higher value and are attractive.
Qualification
So, the interaction is almost complete. You have opened, won the friends, inspired attraction, isolated the girl, inverted the value demonstrating, got physical, got to chatting with her and have a good vibe going all the while beating congruence tests and demonstrating value. The interaction is looking plush. Now all you have to do is consolidate the interaction.
Of course a girl cannot just justify fucking some stranger who she will assume approached her based on her looks. Now that the girl has spent time chatting to you in an effort to get to know you, you need to acknowledge this. You need to qualify her, tell her what you like about her other than her looks. Tell her why you enjoy her and communicate to her that you understand who she really is. Clearly demonstrate that the connection you have established in the interaction is real.
When you qualify a girl there are three steps. Firstly tell her why she is different. Do not tell her why she is aesthetically different or visually different, like “oh my god, you’re so much taller than all the other girls” or “oh my god your camel toe is barely visible in your cargo pants” or “you are so pretty”. This shows that you still see her as a slab of meat, rather than a human being. There will be plenty of time to get in touch with her hotness and physicality later. But if you want to get to that she needs to know that you do in fact respect her.
Tell her that she is different in terms of her character traits. If you have been talking to her for five minutes you will be able to tell her profound things about her because you have been listening. If you can tell her these things and they are accurate they will appeal to her ego and make her feel good, she will feel validated and want more of it, especially when the validation is coming from a valuable source. So for example point out that she has “amazing energy” or that she is “really level headed and down to earth” or that she has a “fierce competitive streak” or that “she is extremely altruistic and caring of those around her”. Pointing out these traits isn’t hard especially if you are genuine. If you are doing these things just for the sake of doing them they will yield a very bad reaction from the girl. If you are going to point out a girl’s good characters traits you will need to have been talking with her for a little while.
The second step of qualification is to compare and contrast the girl with everyone else. If you pointed out that she was particularly caring then you could also point out that “a lot of people these days, especially in Sydney, are extremely self absorbed.” If you pointed out that she was particularly fierce then you could then point out that “people these days are lazy and they don’t take pride in themselves”. Contrast what makes her unique with the mundane and average character traits of the masses.
Thirdly in the qualification process you need to ask her why she is unique in the way that she is. If you pointed out that she was caring, then pointed out that others were self absorbed then you would want to ask her “what is it that makes you so particularly caring and altruistic?” She will want to talk about her positive characteristic and it will be interesting to hear origins of that character trait. As well as both those things it pumps up and validates her sense of self or ego which makes her feel good. As she explains why she is unique to you she is making an investment in you from which later she will want a return.
A word of note on ‘investments and returns’. By investments, I mean an investment of energy in the person they are talking to. From that investment of energy they expect that person to make just as much investment back. Whoever makes more of an investment is trying harder than the other person and won’t be satisfied with the interaction until they have an equal amount of effort invested back into them.
By that same token, if you go up and start making a massive investment into a woman off a cold approach, then she will wonder what she has done to get someone coming up making an unwarranted investment. She will soon realise that the person doing the investing is doing so to try and get her to make an effort back. If you are doing less investing in the interaction then the other person then the other person will want something from you. Usually to spend more time with you, to figure you out, to score with you, to be seen with you or to be validated by you. That’s the social world. Don’t make more of an investment than the girl, she will find herself making an investment in you from which she will want a return.
Closing
So the interaction is looking very good and you have done everything that will work in your favour and left nothing out. There are two ways to close this interaction, one way is to get the phone number, the other way is to take the girl to another venue or even home that night.
If you are only able to get a phone number that night then you want to have asked for the phone number earlier on in the interaction somewhere after the opener. This way throughout the rest of the vibing of the interaction she is talking to you through the filter of ‘this guy has my phone number’ as opposed to the filter of ‘this guy might be trying to get my phone number.’ Everything you ever needed to know about phone game can be found in another post here: Phone Game; Your Missing Piece.
On the other hand you may want to take the girl from the venue to get something to eat, to an after party or even straight home. This branch of knowledge is an entire blog post in and of itself. This blog post is just about the check points of the interaction. But, if you follow the check points outlined here venue changing or after partying won’t be a big deal.
In Conclusion
So there is it in its entirety. The tried, tested and proven outer game elements that constitute a very good interaction. Now that you have the knowledge of these steps, you can trouble shoot your own game and take your results to the next level.
Each and every part of the process is valuable in and of itself. Neglect one step and it could undo your entire interaction. If you aren’t in a good state before you open, the girls will run away from you. If you don’t open then you won’t talk to the girls. If you don’t introduce yourself to the friends then the friends will whisk the girl away from you. If you not attractive then you will just get into a friends zone. If you don’t initiate physical contact then you will be left in the friends zone. If you don’t get the girl one on one you won’t have a chance to quickly amplify your investment in each other. If you don’t invert the value of the interaction then you will fall into a dancing monkey frame. If you don’t get to know the girl then you are just another random guy at the bar. If you don’t qualify the girl then she will think you like her just to fuck her. If you don’t close the deal then you won’t get the girl. You will just be wasting your time.
For those who don’t go out much, a knowledge of what you are actually supposed to do can be the difference between you acting with confidence and not. Acting with confidence is the difference between you behaving attractively and not. So a structural knowledge is very important to newer guys.
For guys who have been around the game for a while this will be a rehash of a lot of ideas that you were aware of. But I can guarantee that you are missing elements or doing things in the wrong order that have left you confused by a lack of results. Leaving you to think to yourself “what am I missing?” For seasoned natural gamers a rehash of the basics can get you back to a simple interaction where it’s just a boy, a girl and some chemistry. Don’t overcomplicate things.
In the future I’m going to write extended articles on each of the aspects of the interaction with cool moves and extremely effective field tested dynamite. These specific ‘moves’ articles will be spread out over the next few months, but in the mean time there are plenty of tips and insights you can immediately implement for immediate success.
And lastly, and I can’t ever stress this enough, outer game is just an expression of yourself. Use your brain and intuition, follow the structure, but be smart about knowing when to bend it. Let this outer game structure guide you because it’s devastatingly effective, don’t let it be your dictator.
Have fun on the weekend!
I will.
Alexander~