28 Points of Natural Game

Ancient Era Of Natural Game

Alex Story Part 2

Alex Story Part 1

The 2008 Video

The Golden Rule Of Natural Game

Who Are You?

A = HV + E

Identity Level Change, The Key To Mastering Natural Game

Phone Game, Your Missing Piece

Back To Basics, Hook Questions

Expression Vs Impression, Natural Attraction

The short answer to this question is: a strong reality is when you have a strong sense of self and a very strong understanding and perception of the world around you, to the point where you play a part in defining it. The reason why it is important is because as a guy, you will always be able to have a stronger reality than women. Men have an ability to have a stronger reality than women (in an emotional and social sense), because you can have a stronger reality than women, you have something that they don’t and that is something of value to them. This makes you attractive. Most importantly, when you have a strong reality you automatically behave in a way that inspires a woman’s attraction triggers. Attraction means getting girls; this was the purpose of the question.

That’s a pretty complicated short answer with many different components. It begs the following questions: What makes a reality strong? How do I know when it’s strong? What is a perception of the world? What does it have to do with your sense of self? What are the differences between men’s realities and women’s realities? If I don’t have a strong reality, how can I get one – and how can I keep it? How does having a strong reality make you behave in attractive ways? All these things are massively important to being good with women, but for most people they have no idea this paradigm exists, or even what it means. So, I’d better answer the questions for everyone so your reality can be stronger, you can behave in attractive ways and get lots of hot girls in your life.

First of all you need to understand why it’s important for a human to have a strong reality. Human beings, unlike most organisms on Earth are social creatures. The reason why we have evolved in the way that we have is because we have a co-dependence on other people in our society or tribe. In societies and tribes there is a culture, or a socially-conditioned standard. In modern society, our culture is socially-conditioned in ways that keep people in place, that way they won’t clash with each other, kill each other and continue to drive primal natural selection.

So, because humans have evolved to want to fit into the culture, they strive to form an identity that contributes to, and is recognized, by their culture. Everyone wants to fit in and be acknowledged by everyone around them. The usual way of forming a strong reality is the age old struggle to fit in and feel special. For example, take a 14th century village. There is the village doctor, the village blacksmith, the village drunk and the village idiot. Each of these people have a role in society and they are acknowledged for their role. When people meet them, they immediately understand who they are and what they do. That way, they fit in. The more they fit in, the more the collective co-dependence of human society will protect them. When each of these people fit into society, they feel secure.

This feeling of security gives these people a strong reality. The feeling of security, and the formation of a strong reality –be it village doctor or village drunk – brings with it good feelings. On the deepest level, good feeling is the natural innate impulse that drives every human being in every single thing they do.
The reason why a modern day bum, or the example of the village idiot, can live the way they do is that they feel secure in who they are and what they do, and this gives them a good feeling. The good feeling that comes from feeling secure is significantly more powerful than the good feelings that comes from having money and being respected. That is the importance of fitting into human society and culture. When you understand this, it will become clear why people let themselves identify with being assholes, bums, drunks, victims or any other negative identity. They then, at least, have something to identity with that gives them a strong reality – that makes them feel good, because they feel secure…

People will look to have ‘who they are’ reinforced over and over again, in the things that they do and the ways in which they behave. For example, sometimes you will meet stoners who make a point to brag about how ‘fucked up’ they got. Or you might meet an athlete who makes a point to drop into conversation how well he played. You might meet a village drunk who will introduce himself to you as the village drunk. In the community, you might meet someone who identifies with being a victim or a chode. Even though he doesn’t want to be a chode, he automatically and unconsciously does things to reinforce it because the human brain has evolved to try and reinforce its sense of self, so that the owner of the brain fits into society and survives.

By that same standard, if you met a doctor and you failed to acknowledge him in the way that he wanted you to acknowledge him, then his ego (sense of self or identity) would be bruised or he would work hard to get your acknowledgement or validation. You as a human are part of their society and another potential point of leverage for people to use to reinforce their reality and feel good.

In understanding that all people are always seeking validation and acknowledgement from the other people around them to fit into society, you will also understand that your strength of reality will always be determined by how others see you. Furthermore, you will understand that you will always be at the mercy of how others see you – which carries with it massive amounts of anxiety or bad feelings because you worry about not fitting in. So most people set out to make themselves rich, famous or something they THINK will get them massive and consistent acknowledgement from everyone they meet, to give them a massive and consistent good feeling. Some people do achieve this, like successful movie stars, rock stars, drug lords or sports stars. They would have a massively strong reality because everyone acknowledges them consistently for their role in society.

But the bigger this bubble of acknowledgment grows, the more potential it has to burst. That is to say, as good as you can feel and as strong as your reality can grow through consistent social acknowledgment, it can also feel just as bad if you don’t get acknowledged and then your reality can be shattered. Similar to an Achilles heel.

A great example are rock stars. They strive to become a great musician and they strive to become well-known and famous. Soon, if they are good enough and they do become famous, then everyone knows their name and they know what they are famous for. At this point, they would be on top of the world and think they have realized what they set out to achieve – a super strong and invincible reality. Everyone sees them the way they want to be seen, which leads the rock star to see himself the way everyone is seeing him. Because he, like all human beings, understands that fitting into society is important for survival, he takes society’s perception of him seriously.

But, if society turns on the rock star or questions the rock star then he will be inclined to take the criticism just as seriously as he took the positive reinforcement. In interviews with rock stars, they often say that the fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Many rock stars end up turning to drugs to deal with problems arising from skewed and intense fluctuations in social feedback and fluctuations in their reality. With the fluctuations in their reality comes fluctuations in how good they can feel about themselves. Drugs are often the answer because only they can provide a feeling good enough to rival the sort of social validation that a rock star gets.

Interestingly, I think a person’s innate awareness of their society provides a biological explanation for peoples’ spirituality. If every human is born with a mechanism in their brain to be aware of the higher power that is their society around them – which they need to fit into to survive, could it be that this is misunderstood by most people as God, religion or spirituality?
That distinct feeling that most people get of a ‘higher power’ or of something that is bigger than them is interpreted by a lot of people to be a God or a spiritual force. I wonder if this distinct feeling of a higher power isn’t actually a God or a spiritual force, but rather just every human being’s evolved mechanism in their brain that makes them acutely aware of, and pay respect to, the society in which they belong?

People fear, trust, have faith in and react to Gods and spirituality in the same way that they fear, trust have faith in and react to their society and the people around them. I Personally believe in evolutionary theory, but always wondered why I had distinct feelings of spirituality that others attributed to religion. I could never reconcile the two. My best guess now is that the spiritual feeling I experienced was my innate awareness of a higher power that isn’t the work of God or deities, but rather my inborn evolved mechanism in my physical brain that serves to pay attention to the social culture around me.

Awareness of society as a higher power helps me to understand that I belong to a bigger force, human society, that I depend on to survive. I, like everyone else, is biologically driven to fit in more and more, to build a strong reality as reinforced and validated by the people around me.

This need for an externally reinforced reality and a desire to fit in is true for most people, but not alpha males and those who have alpha mindsets. Understanding that spiritual feelings and that your awareness of a higher power is just an evolved mechanism in your brain is very important when it comes time to trusting yourself and making your own decisions that go against the way you have been socially conditioned.

Once we establish the fact that most people are striving to form and reinforce their reality, we can understand and explain why, for the most part, everyone you meet is insecure in one way or another. Usually people are a lot less secure than the way they behave when they’re around you and the way they interact with you. These feelings of insecurity go hand-in-hand with feelings of un-fulfillment, which most people struggle with on a daily basis. Feelings of un-fulfillment means you will be unattractive, and it means you won’t pick up girls for a few reasons. Firstly, girls are attracted to guys who are natural and the first sign of a natural guy is if he feels fulfilled in life and with himself, usually exhibited by an overt good feeling or state – if the guy feels fulfilled and good he will instantly inspire attraction in the girl. Secondly by nature, the way a man forms his reality is different to the way a woman forms her reality.

Ultimately, a man has an ability to have a stronger reality than a woman, so if you have feelings of fulfilment and good state as a result it’s a reflection that you have a strong reality and you have something of value to her, and she is attracted to you because you can offer her a sense of security and the good feeling she gets from that. This means you will be better at picking up the girl because the girl will instantly categorize you as the sort of guy she would want to be with.

A strong reality can come in two forms, but both of these forms are characterised by certain behaviours. When I did my Bootcamp many moons ago at a time when the Blueprint was still on the cusp of release, JLAIX taught me the importance of four things: core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and being assertive. To be honest I didn’t really understand what these things meant, nor did I have any idea how it would help me pick up girls, and at the time I was pretty deeply immersed in all things self-help. So I imagine that other less learned students of the game would really struggle with comprehending these concepts, let alone implementing them…

Core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and being assertive are all behaviours that inspire attraction in women. Not because of the behaviours themselves, but because they are the markers that you’re an alpha male – and thus, desirable to be with. On a superficial seminar level on bootcamp, these things made no sense to me, because they can’t be internalized through a seminar or reading online. They need to be internalised through life experience, and during my bootcamp those things were indeed internalized and have continued to be ever since.

These things inspire attraction in women because men form their reality differently than women. The difference in men’s and women’s realities provide mutual evolutionary advantage, which has driven natural selection and left us with the genes we have inherited today. One way to demonstrate this difference is the caveman example, where men do the choosing and make the decisions and women vie to be chosen – or that man take risks to make progress and women question taking risks to mitigate danger. Again, of course, I’m just speaking emotionally and socially. In modern day, women and men are completely equal. But it is in the emotional and social realm that attraction and picking up girls exists. While men and women should form their realities differently, most men don’t behave like real men or ‘alpha males’. Instead, they act like women as well. These sorts of guys are called beta males, but are more well known as little bitches.

Before we look at the way a strong male reality is formed with core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and being assertive, we first need to look at the female reality and beta male realty – which is one and the same thing. For the purpose of understanding this, think of it in terms of females, beta males and alpha males in caveman times. The alpha male has an alpha reality and is self-reliant, so much so that others look to rely and depend on him. The females and the beta males have to rely on others. In a physical sense, all men have the potential to rely on themselves whereas women do not, especially during pregnancy – the primary difference between men and women.
Through the process of evolution, women have developed an alpha/beta recognition system that rivals telepathic mind reading. When they sense the alpha male, they feel very strong attraction. When they sense the beta, they feel no attraction at all. If you can inspire women to feel attraction, then you pick up girls. If you can’t do this, then you won’t – and there are a lot of people out there who don’t get laid.

In animal culture, all the females have an innate urge to mate with the one alpha male, whereas the beta males get left behind in the gene pool. This is not necessarily true in human culture, but it’s a similar dynamic. All the females look at the alpha male first and do silly things to make him their own (if they have the self-esteem to think they’re good enough for him). A commonly recited fact is that 20% of guys sleep with 80% of women. This is true – the men who behave like alpha males in today’s society sleep with all of the women. Those that don’t are not alpha males and are not getting laid. In modern society, how do women know if a man is an alpha male or not?

In this day and age, there are probably a lot of men who have enough money to be self-reliant (a provider) and have a woman rely on him, yet these men don’t behave like alpha males. Through natural selection. women are simply hard-wired to be attracted to men who BEHAVE like alpha males. The way alpha males behave is with core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and being assertive – the same ways that primitive males behaved in ancient times that caused females to evolve a recognition system in their brain that feels attraction for men who behave in certain ways, regardless of their modern day social status.

A ‘modern day alpha male’ might be the head of a corporation, someone who inherited a company or someone born into privilege, but because they didn’t earn it or because reality has taken responsibility for them, instead of them having to become an alpha male by taking responsibility for their reality, many ‘modern-day alpha males’ don’t behave with core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value or being assertive, and hence they do not inspire attraction. Sometimes ‘modern day alpha-males’ do have the mindsets and behaviours of a traditional alpha male – Donald Trump is an example of this. Even though he is not the prettiest looking billionaire, I would image that if he was to lose his fortunes he would still inspire attraction in women. His mindsets and behaviours that have led to him to massive international business success would be the same mindsets and behaviours that would inspire attraction in women. Richard Branson is another example of this

There is the Alpha male reality and there is the Beta male/female realities. This is best described diagrammatically.

The most important thing to note is that the Beta/female reality is held in place by forces projecting inwards onto it from the world around it. It’s held in place by society and social feedback. The more it is held in place, the more social reinforcement an beta male/female receives, the stronger their reality is going to be. This is a representation of the notion of a ‘bucket with a hole in it’. It is the sense of self and reality that cannot be fulfilled and continually requires external reinforcement. So much so that it can literally become a draining force on others around it. If I was to show this diagrammatically it would look like this. This is the same dynamic as a black hole – you don’t want to be a social black hole.

Contrary to the alpha male traits of core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and being assertive the beta male/female reality is the opposite in all of these respects. Because alpha males and beta males are so polarised – significantly different – it’s very straightforward for a woman to instantly tell if any man is an alpha male, and attractive, or a beta male, and unattractive, immediately at the very moment she lays eyes on him. Usually this impression will be made sometime before you even start talking to the girl on your way to approaching her. So, understanding this, and how to be alpha, is extremely important if you want to form a strong reality, be attractive and have success when picking up girls.

Alpha males have core confidence – betas/females seeks validation for confidence and are only contextually confident. They only feel confident when others give them permission. Alpha males are unreactive, beta males will react and ‘take to heart’ the opinions and actions of everyone around them, always seemingly fighting an uphill battle to be noticed, respected or taken seriously. Alpha males offer value – betas males suck value like black holes. As shown in the diagram beta males say things and take actions in order to get others to acknowledge them. For example, people who take value often throw out conversational threads that are ‘fishing for compliments’; “My first class trip to Paris was pretty cool.”

Saying this is like the internal arrow coming from the place of small self esteem trying to project themself outwards to compensate for diminished self-esteem and is intended to project out to try and suck in reactions and validation, as demonstrated by the arrows projecting inwards onto the false and projected reality. At the same time, beta males’ realities don’t just take value but they are defensive – they take actions to project defences against their diminished self-esteem being exposed. These actions and negativity are also coming from a place of diminished self-esteem. Alpha males are assertive – betas/females are passive, easily lead and lack in self trust and internal centeredness. One needs to know themselves and trust themselves to be assertive, beta males and females don’t know themselves in the way alphas do.

But because this beta/female reality is perpetually reinforcing, it does actually become quite strong. Think of the example of the teenaged female pop singer. If everyone tells her that she is awesome, she will think she’s awesome, but not because of internal confidence but because everyone told her she was allowed to have confidence. But such external confidence is fleeting and cannot be sustained. So, the minute the external validation ceases to be projected onto the pop singer, she’s going to be compelled to take actions to try and re-establish the former good feelings she was getting. But because she’s chasing reactions, it will be coming from a place of diminished self-esteem and have a negative feeling about it. This is the same way that most beta males approach women. Maybe at one time in their life they had a girl give them a compliment or do something that validated them, which left them desperate to have that validation and the good feelings that came from it replicated or reinforced. It’s a negative self-perpetuating cycle that leads to the creation of chodes.

If you are a beta male or a female your reality can take any shape or form as long as it is something that is re-enforceable. The more it can be externally reinforced, the stronger your reality will be, the more you will feel like you fit in somewhere, the more secure you will feel, and from a secure reinforced feeling comes a good feeling. Although it seems like madness to think that some people will feel good from being a chode, let me explain how chodes are born. Imagine a beta male thinks that he can be a pick-up artist. He goes out and creates actions that come from a place of diminished self-esteem. He’s trying to create a strong reality of ‘pick-up artist’. But because he’s ultimately taking value by being a beta male, he won’t be attractive and girls won’t like him. So, he will have the fact that he’s a chode reinforced so many times that soon he will just think that he’s a chode. Soon, he will become frustrated with all the bad feelings associated with trying to become a pick-up artist and quit trying because his primary drive as a human to live in a strong reality won’t materialize. Instead, he will accept he is a chode and look to reinforce that by taking no more actions. When he takes no more actions, the chode reality will become reinforced, a form of reality that will at least yield some good feelings that come due to an externally reinforced reality that leads to a secure feeling.

This creation of the chode happens during the time teenage boys are going through social conditioning. They set out trying to get girls – they have mixed success, but at least some success early on, and then they strive for more success with girls to reinforce their reality in which they’re popular with girls and feel secure. But, as they get older they have to compete with older males who have gone before them who easily eclipse them and put them into place as beta males to them. So their chode reality is reinforced by the older alpha males that they’re eclipsed by, and they quit trying. Viola, modern day society is creating armies of chodes – about 80% or more of the male population. By the way, there are groups of alphas somewhere in ivory towers or running international banks that are eclipsing all of us and socially conditioning us, reinforcing that the average guy is just a chode – and that he should think and behave like a chode.

The more a female reality or a beta chode reality is reinforced by external influences, the stronger the reality gets.

Above is a reality scale. On the left of the centre axis is an alpha reality and on the right is a beta reality or a female reality. For the alpha reality, the more influence it has the stronger the strength of reality becomes. For the beta males and females, the more it gets externally held in place and reinforced by society, the stronger it becomes. Remember that a human’s primary drive is a strong reality and most people are females and beta males all interacting with each other seeking contextual confidence, being reactive, taking value and being passive and victims of their surroundings. Suffice to say, society is in a bad way, but at least the few alpha males in the ivory towers have everyone ‘under the thumb’ which prevents the bloodshed and social chaos that has been the way of life since humans became humans.

But most men aren’t born as chodes, they are free-willed and rambunctious children that act on their own intentions in the same way that alpha males do. All men have the potential to be alpha, but most get socially conditioned. Imagine that when a male is born he is at the bottom of the reality scale and in the middle. He both needs to rely on society around him and at the same time has ample impulses to express himself, adventure, take risks and push the boundaries of his influence.

As males go through life they will have experiences. Experience itself will strengthen a man’s reality in one way or another. Life experience is directly proportionate to time. Even if you are doing nothing with your time, being passive and reactive to the world, this will constitute your life experience and the reality that you live in. If you are socially conditioned in this society you will be told to ‘sit down and shut up’. You will inevitably move from the weak reality centre point in the middle of the scale towards a beta reality. But at the same time you will constantly have underlying innate urges to be assertive, take risks and take responsibility for your reality instead of letting other people push you around. Most men have a weak reality because they continually swing between a reality where they obey social conditioning but want to be more proactive, and a reality where they take their own initiatives against social conditioning and do things their own way without wanting to stray too far away from the social standards that everyone around them lives by. Most men’s realities exist somewhere in this part of the scale, marked in blue.

Guys who exist on this part of the reality scale are characterized by having a lot of self-doubt, identity crises and inconsistency in the way they interact with other people. After a while, most succumb to social conditioning and succumb to a ‘chodey’ socially-conditioned reality. At least with this passive succumbing comes some good feelings, due to a sense of security in a strong reality that is continually reinforced, shown in blue below.

Girls by nature have an externally-defined reality and it’s their sole purpose to have this reinforced through life, ideally by an influential alpha male. In modern day society, that would be a respected guy in the community or someone who is well-established and reliable. A young girl in society who is attractive, in good shape, educated and youthfully enthusiastic will be treated well by everyone. Her reality will be continually reinforced by everyone she meets and she will also take actions to retain good external reinforcement. This way she can get a good feeling through her having a secure reality. A hot girl’s reality would fall somewhere on this part of the reality scale, shown in pink.

For a hot girl, everything is given to her. She is adored and continuously complimented. Her reality is continuously and fortuitously strengthened. For young guys the same age as the hot girls, or guys without established contextual confidence, their reality is weaker than the girl’s and thus they don’t feel as good about themselves as the girls they’re trying to pick up. When a guy with a weak reality tries to approach a hot girl, who usually has a very strong reality, it would compare like this:

The girl can see what type of a guy he is, instantly – even before the guy starts talking to her – and she will usually blow the guy off immediately. When pick up gurus say that you need to be cooler than the girl, they mean that you need to have a stronger reality than the girl and have a better internal feeling than she does, through a secure sense of self.

In terms of guys with externally-defined realities like rock stars, drug lords, sports stars or rich business chodes, their contextual confidence RELATIVE to other people who also live in their externally-defined realities is stronger. So these guys with contextual confidence have more unreactiveness, can offer more value and be more assertive, as long as it exists in the bounds of their contextual confidence. Even though these guys only have contextual confidence in their context, they can afford to behave in similar ways to an alpha male. And of course these behaviours, in context, inspire attraction in the girls the interact with. An example of a rock star talking to a groupie, or a college quarterback talking to his cheerleaders would compare like this, where the guy has the stronger reality and therefore has a better feeling about himself through sense of security of self:

To be the guy with the most contextual confidence is a difficult thing to do. To be the best football player, the biggest pimp, the most hardcore drug lord or the rock star is near to impossible. These guys think and act in ways that inspire attraction because everyone gave them that permission. But in the realities of the 99% of guys trying to get into their positions, they don’t have the permission from others or the contextual confidence to think and behave in ways that inspire attraction in women – so they don’t get girlfriends. Even in the case of the rock star, drug dealer, sports star or business mogul, their title and contextual confidence is a fleeting and inconsistent thing, and like beta male and female realities their’s is a reality that is essentially a bucket with a hole in it that can never be filled. This type of contextual confidence game cannot be sustained. Sooner or later, the crutch will be kicked out from under the externally-formed reality and the reality comes crashing down like a house of cards.

This is called an identity crisis. When your reality comes crashing down you can lose your girl among many other things. This is why a lot of budding pick-up artists can pick up girls inconsistently, but struggle to keep the girls when they do. Again, this is why so many people turn to drugs – to escape the seemingly insurmountable task of being internally-fulfilled and attractive to women.

Remember, it’s not what you do, who you are, your social status or your bank account that inspires attraction in women. It’s the way you behave that inspires attraction in women. Granted that enough money, status, or notoriety can lead you to think you are allowed to act in alpha ways. But really, any guy can act in ways that inspire attraction in women because any guy has the potential to be an alpha male.

A straightforward way to summarize the combination of core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and assertiveness is with the word CONFIDENCE. Confidence is a mindset that is reflected in a man’s behaviour. It is the ways a man’s behaviours reflect his mindset that inspires attraction or not. So confidence is the key to the attraction inspiring behavioural traits. The best way to understand and implement confidence is to understand that CONFIDENCE HAPPENS WHEN YOU PERCEIVE THAT NOTHING HOLDS YOU BACK. This definition explains why five year old children can be just as confident as rock stars, sports stars and millionaires, if not more so.

Really, the key to confidence and a strong reality, and its properties of core confidence, unreactiveness, offering value and being assertive is having no limiting beliefs. Achieving a mindset with no limiting beliefs is a whole ‘nother article, but for this article I will assume that you have no limiting beliefs. In a beta male’s reality, his confidence is destroyed by limiting beliefs and he is stifled and held back by his limiting beliefs – as a result he can never behave in a way that inspires attraction. The fact of the matter is, a limiting belief can only exist if you let it exist

An alpha male and a man with confidence has the perpetual mindset of ‘if anyone can do it, I have as good a chance of getting it done as anyone else’. This is in congruence with a man’s innate alpha trait of ‘being a man of action’. This is a non-assuming mindset, an assuming mindset would be reliant on external factors – limiting beliefs can only exist in assumptions.

If a man can retain the mindset of ‘if anyone can do it, I have as good a chance of getting it done as everyone else’ then from the time he is born to the day he dies, he will progress along the reality scale until he is a true alpha male. But of course, he has to contend with social conditioning and competition from other males that will look to eclipse him and stifle him so that they can retain influence and stifle any other potential alpha males from influencing them. This is how natural selection works. It is survival of the fittest and strongest. In the wild, it is the fittest and strongest that become the alpha males and survive. In emotional and social society, it is the guys with the strongest willpower, discipline and those who make the effort to generate influence that are the alpha males and get girls.
Willpower and whether or not you make an effort in life is the difference between you being a good person or a bad person. To be yourself means behaving in congruence with what you physically are AND using what you physically are to take action and have influence.

If a guy can use his willpower, discipline and effort, he can form and retain a strong reality that will only build momentum all his life. From the time he gets a taste of what it’s like to be an alpha male, he will never want to go back to being a beta male. The primary difference between alpha males and beta males or females is that alpha males are self-reliant and take responsibly for themselves and their reality, whereas beta males and females must rely on others to take responsibility for them on one level or another.

Beta males rely on alpha males for jobs, alliances or protection, whereas women rely on alpha males for protection and emotional security. In primitive times, females wanted protection from the elements and other men, something that alpha males could provide that they couldn’t get for themselves, and though evolution females become attracted to men who behaved in alpha ways. In modern society, the deep emotional impulses remain. Alpha males in modern society have a fulfillment and strength of reality that is completely self-reliant. On an emotional and social level, modern women can have plenty of happiness and a very strong reality, but they will never have that autonomous fulfillment that an alpha male can have. But, for a modern day woman, fulfillment can be gained from a relationship with an alpha male who is internally fulfilled.

All people seek a strong reality for security and good feelings to fit into society. Women form a very strong reality through external reinforcement. Alpha males form a strong reality in a completely different way, through self-fulfillment that is autonomous and independent of external reinforcement – it is drawn from internal strength (willpower, determinedness, resilience, proactive effort), and is strong enough for others to rely on.

An alpha male with an extremely strong reality is something that beta males and females can rely on. A female with a strong reality will have an even stronger reality when she is coupled with an alpha male, and she will have even better feelings than when she is on her own. That’s why women are attracted to men – a good feeling that comes from the security he can provide her that she can’t entirely provide for herself. That is why, as a man, it is important to have a strong, dependable and influential reality. Without it, you won’t be attractive, and evolutionarily, you wouldn’t survive when you die.

In terms of pick up, when you are in the club and going after girls with very strong, externally reinforced and externally validated realities, you need to have a stronger reality than them to offer them value and have any chance of picking them up. If you have nothing to offer the girls, then there is no reason why they would want to engage in talking to you or spend any time with you.

Even though hot girls in the club do have very strong and continually reinforced realities, it can never be as strong as an internally defined and autonomous alpha reality. When a hot club girl comes across an alpha male as a source of strength, if she were to be validated by it, then it would make her reality even stronger through even stronger sources of external validation than she had previously known. Therefore, she would feel better than she already felt. This is what it means to offer value

To be an alpha male you need to have the mindset that ‘if something can be done, I have as good a chance as anyone else of doing it’. This is self-assurance, not arrogance – arrogance doesn’t set out to take action but rather rests on its laurels or what it claims to be able to do. In the alpha headspace of ‘if something can be done, I have as good a chance as anyone else of doing it’ you will naturally and automatically have core confidence, unreactiveness, you will offer value and you will be assertive. When you automatically and unconsciously exhibit these behaviours you will inspire attraction in women because they are evolved to be attracted to alpha males. And women have a telepathic ability to recognize an alpha male.

You will have core confidence because you will trust in what you are as a man and put no obstacles or limiting beliefs between you and your objectives. You will be unreactive because you will shun or ignore other people’s efforts to stifle you or put doubts in your mind about yourself – you will hold your course free from external forces influencing your core purpose as an alpha male. You will offer value because you will become someone of integrity that other people can rely on and always get a good feeling of security and validation from. And you will be assertive in that you follow your instincts for honourable purposes, to create a positive dominant influence and to seek fulfillment through benefiting others though your good influence on them.

These are all good things and fulfilling to an alpha male. The more you behave in alpha ways, the stronger your alpha reality will become and the more efficient at inspiring attraction you will become. But, an alpha reality doesn’t get stronger through reinforcement, rather it gets stronger through momentum, decisiveness, magnitude and frequency of behaviours. An alpha reality gets stronger as your influence increases. Metaphorically, you become more influential and more attractive to women in the same way that water siphons out of a tube drawing from a positive internal source, some call this the ‘infinite well’. The more momentum you have drawing from a source of good autonomous energy source inside of you, the stronger your reality, the more ability you will have to inspire attraction, the more you will pick up girls. The hottest girls.

So, what I have talked about and shown in this article goes hand-in-hand with the attraction formula.

Attraction equals higher value plus a full range of emotions, to the power of infinity. If you have a stronger reality than the girl, then she will notice immediately and be interested in you. If you have a strong reality and she has engaged you, then she will be reactive to you as you have an influential reality over hers. If you are the one doing the influencing then you are going to be a source of stimulus for those around you. Stimulation is emotionally arousing and women become turned on when they are emotional aroused. Because you are a source of stimulation, and your strong reality is a source of continual and dependable validation, people around you will continue to gravitate towards you and attraction has infinite potential. A strong reality makes you very attractive – the stronger the better.
If you don’t have a strong reality and you want to get one, then that involves a rite of passage and finding your indifference threshold. In terms of the strength of reality graph, that would involve a situation when your chode reality came crashing down, where you hit the bottom, then started climbing back up. This time taking responsibility for everything, ‘the buck stops with you’. Tangibly, this is done through congruence tests and retained through congruence tests. Congruence tests is the gymnasium of social and emotional experience and growth in natural game. The learning of natural game and transformations is another in depth article. I have began to plan it and map it out. It will be comprehensive.

When you move away from having your reality externally-defined and reinforced to being internally-defined, and you build momentum of influence, you become socially versatile. Those principles will be totally explained in yet another in depth article.

In conclusion: Strength of Reality Series.

“What does it mean to have a strong reality, and why is it even important?”

If you have a reality that is stronger than the girl you are trying t pick up than you have something to offer her that she isn’t getting for herself. The stronger your reality the stronger your internal sense of security. With your internal sense of security comes positive and calming feelings. To have a weak reality means you feel vulnerability, anxiety and negativity.

For a guy a strong reality can come in two forms. Externally derived or internal defined. Both can be strong realities but one is resilient and can be absolute. While the other is fleeting and vulnerable.

In the case of the strong externally derived reality it usually means that you have more contextual confidence relative to the girl. It means that in that situation you have a stronger security of reality and therefore a better internal feeling about yourself than she does. If the girl connects with you emotionally then her sense of self (her reality) is strengthened because when she is with that guy her reality is being strengthened and validated by a stronger source. She is attracted to a guy with higher value than she has. The things that makes a guy valuable to a girl is if he has strong positive and secure feelings that comes from having a stronger sense of self.

But, an externally defined reality is EXTERNALLY DEFINED, so it is always at the mercy of external elements and influences. His reality is formed through validation seeking actions and him identifying with abstract external labels and identities. If a guy’s reality is externally formed then it can be externally broken. One day he can be attractive to girls, but If his reality should be broken by an external source the next day then he would no longer be high value. Some people call this identity crisis’s. For people learning how to become better at picking up women this explains their inconsistencies and frustrations.

In the case where the guy defines his reality internally it is safe from external fluctuations and is more consistent and can always be stronger. An internally defined reality can be ABSOLUTE or 100% where as an externally derived reality can never be ABSOLUTE or 100%. An internally defined reality is formed through pro-activity, initiative, will power, effort and decisiveness. The foundations of an internally defined reality are positive, whereas the foundations of an externally derived reality are negative. Girls are attractive to guys who have any type of stronger reality than them, but they are more attracted to guys who have internally defined realities because they pick on the positive vibes of internally defined realities. A woman’s recognition system instantly categorizes those types of guys as alpha males. They are attracted to those guys, If you are one of those types of guys picking up becomes easy.

A guy who has a stronger reality than a girl is attractive to her because he is less reactive to her than she is to him. A guy with an internally defined reality is not only less reactive to the girl than the girl is to him, but he is unreactive to the world itself. Unreactiveness leads to core confidence, core confidence leads to automatically offering value and when you know you are offering value you can supercharge your attraction by asserting that value. Picking up becomes more effective.

Unreactiveness, core confidence, offering value and assertiveness are all behavioural patterns that girls recognize as alpha and they instantly categories that guy as attractive. When a girl makes this alpha male categorization that guy gets high value status in that girl’s emotional perception.

When that guy is higher value than the girl the girl is reactive to him. She will become nervous but attentive around him. The more time a guy with a strong reality spends with a girl with a relatively less strong reality the more she will react to him. Each reaction she has to him the more he becomes a source of arousal and the more she becomes aroused. Arousal is EMOTIONAL STIMULATION. Attraction builds when high value is combined with emotional stimulation. A = HV + E.

Girls’ realities are inherently different from guys’ realities. Guys are designed to be delusionally confident and delusional confidence stems from a delusional sense of self trust. Innate emotional self trust is what guys have that girls don’t have as much of, and that’s what girls want from a guy. A guy who is being the man he is supposed to be. Girls innately have a more skeptical and cerebral reality as a result of being less physically versatile in the natural world.

Humans have evolved so that men are the risk takers and women are the risk questioners. Between these two opposing forces they find some happy medium and offer mutual value. The woman urges the man to take fewer risks to be safer, but men look take more risks to conquer more territory or gather more influence. Girls are attracted to ‘ballsy’ guys. ‘Ballsy’ guys have the strongest internally defined reality because they are deluded in their sense of entitlement, strength, capacity and abilities.

For a girl to spend time with a ‘ballsy’ risk taking guy she will be very aroused because she will always react to him. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY that type of guy is high value to her because he has a very powerful feeling of internal strength that the girl wants more of in her own reality. She feels safe, and therefore good, when she is with a man with a strong reality.

That’s what it means to have a strong reality, and that’s why it is important to have one. It’s just as important to have the right type of strong reality.

How do you go from having weak reality to a strong one? In short: nominate your path and goals and follow them. Seek to remove blindspots. Adhere to firmly to your personal boundaries. And come into congruence with Presence, Positive-Dominance and being a Man of Action.

Are there different degree of Alphaness and Betaness? Yes. But somewhere between the two there is a DEFINITE divide point, this idea is more important than the degree to which someone is alpha or beta. The varying degrees of alphaness depends on how many times (socially and emotionally) that the guy is reactive, relies on his context for confidence, how often he takes value and how often he asserts value taking. Degrees of betaness depends on how often a beta male or female has core confidence, is reactive, offers value and is assertive with that value.

How do you know when you are an alpha male? You are an alpha male when your own (social and emotional) opinions of yourself are more important to you than the reactions and opinions of other people. But this is only true if you have no blind-spots.

Can beta males get girls? Yes, if they have a stronger reality than the girls. But its easy for the beta males reality to fluctuate and with that their attraction to the girls fluctuates.

Can Alpha males with an absolute reality get girls? Yes. They are higher value than everyone one in their own reality. When they interact with girls the girls are reactive to these guys and the alpha male inspires a full range of emotions in the girl. Girls are usually shy and nervous around alpha guys and they test them a lot. But don’t worry, tests give you a chance to overtly DHV. Remember that shy and nervous reactions in girls is the true IOI.

In conclusion, having a strong reality of the right type will help you pick up a lot of girls.

Open your eyes to the strength of reality matrix.

Alexander~

I’m at the beginning, the middle, and the end.

I’ve been working for RSD for nearly three years now. All around the world.

It is commonly recognized that to reach the apex of your personal growth in this transformations game a period of about four years is required. In four years a guy can squeeze every last drop of transformative juice out of the community. Before you are irreversibly changed for the better.

So I’m about halfway there. Or something like that. For me, I think it will keep going after that, this is what I was meant to do. Since I was ten when I had my heart set on becoming a psychologist. I’m in the middle of one of the most valuable opportunities any 24 year old could possibly dream of. No actually, I could never have dreamt of this life, only someone with a mind like Papa could have dreamt up something like this.

I’m right in the middle of a group of like-minded, hard working, dedicated and seemingly indestructible dudes. There is no more centred and reassuring place to be.

Its is the end.

About five months ago I decided to get out of the game due to almost HALF A DOUZEN life and death situations that found me off guard, all at once. This included funerals, hospital visits and illnesses to ones I loved. It included the disintegration of the groups of people that I called my families.

The groups that I felt I identified with I started with RSD broke apart and broke ties with one another, leaving me standing alone, wiping tears from peoples eyes let right and centre. There were seriously tears everywhere I looked, sometimes I’d look though my own. It was the antithesis of fun.

But that experience grounded.me and helped to me to remember the absurdity of my privilege.

The last emotional thread between me now, and me as a moronic and immature-world-hating fuckwit, was severed. This severance resulted in the most emotional bloodshed of all the events. It was the relationship with the person that I was closest to, and had invested the most love into.

The more I invested myself into the relationship, the more I realised it wasn’t going to ‘be’. I saw it disintegrate in front of me, like so many other things had, but this was the one that hurt the most. I learnt valuable lessons, the kinds of which that can only come from acute emotional experiences.

In the end, there isn’t much waiting for me back ‘home’. What home? The groups of people that I used to belong to have gone, and I grew apart from those most significant to me. In the end I decided the right thing to do was to make the most of my absurd opportunity and cease my efforts to take responsibility or try to fix things when it wasn’t my place to.

Which leaves the beginning.

I’ve been riding the emotional roller coaster for long enough to make me feel sick, vomit and leave an unforgettably bad taste in my mouth. Enough to make me actually stop and THINK…for once.

I can’t think of anyone else in the world in my unique position.

I and I think its despicable that I don’t share my opportunity, what I’ve learned, my goals and what I’ve experienced with the world.

I’m 24 now, I was flown to over 70 cities all over the world in order to pick up girls. Jeez, tough life huh? I have the infrastructure around me to publish a book, or 10 books, if I wanted. All I have to do is write them. And eventually I have the opportunity to release a self help program. My very own self help program focusing on how to pick up girls, form my perspective: RSD2.0, natural, honest and through being yourself.

Articulated in a way that has never been done before.

In this job its easy to just take your paycheck, get drunk, laze around and sleep in. To do your Bootcamps and that be IT. Some people would go to any lengths to have this job. It’s only now that I actually truly APPRECIATE that fact.

I pledge to make the most of it.

Right now I know, of the executive coaches, that most guys have partners, or have already released major self help programs. Some guys just do RSD part time.

I always wanted to be a psychologist, and I always wanted to INFLUENCE people. I have been given that chance, and fully appreciate it after the last four emotional months.

Some people want the profile of ‘PICK UP HERO’, its really not all that awesome, the lifestyle is amazing, but the hero worship isn’t that great – unless you love admiring men asking you whether or not you should wear vertical or horizontal stripes on their shirts to help give them a better aura.

I don’t want hero times, I want influence times. That way the advice given is taken seriously and the adviser can actually instigate change. A more influential source is more readily believed and implemented then a non-influential source, obviously.

Knowing things that can help people but keeping them to yourself is not the right thing. People may or may not want to help themselves, but the right thing to do it make it available.

Even then, there’s about a million self help books out there that crap on about helping thy-self, but just about NONE of them actually work with real live people, in the real world, under real pressure, in every conceivably variable situation. And those who have come close don’t use an academic scientific method in their research and reporting.

As far as I know, I have a unique perspective, and can significantly further the PROFOUND work that those who have gone before me in RSD have published.

“Poor is the student who does not surpass his master[s].”

So, it begins.

Alexander~ is back, with no other purpose in life than to test, prove, print and publish from a new perspective.

Its what I always wanted to do since I was ten. And still love doing it.

Don’t change channels…

Alexander~

These are the first 28 points that come to mind, in no order of importance, I may have left some things out, but there are the most common mistakes of natural game that I see being made all the time.

1. Be yourself. Be your best self. Be a man. Take responsibility. Take action. Trust yourself. You are enough. These are all one and the same thing. Where people get lost is in idea of transition or change, acting out of character or whatever. Forget all that. Being yourself means following your core purpose and purest intentions –free from socially conditioned influence. You will make mistakes when you do this, but that’s natural because interactions are subjective. Responsiveness is the answer to ‘interaction mistakes’. Being your best self means ‘you plus you taking responsibility in life’. Your physical nature as a man, and your nurture that is individually unique to only you that sets you apart.

2. Be natural. It’s better to be natural and do things that pick up would say are wrong, than to do the perfect pick up according to the ‘book. If the pickup is too perfect, if you seem too seamless as a person you won’t come off as normal and you the girl won’t take you seriously. When your being natural you make mistakes. This makes sense to the girl. In fact, you should make lots of mistakes, you prove your worth (DHV) when you deal with your own mistakes and other turbulence.

3. Don’t calculate and micromanage. One of the first things girls look for is evidence of the ‘cogs in your head grinding’ to see if you second guessing yourself and if yourself aware. If you are self aware, calculating your game, and trying to micromanage the interaction the girl will instantly put you in the ‘not alpha male’ category and you are done – even if you can string the set out a bit. If you’re not self aware, not calculating not micromanaging – that is to say if your present, in the moment and not self aware you communicate to the girls that ‘you are enough’ and they categorise you as an alpha male and attractive. This is what you want, its only when you second guess yourself that you shoot yourself in the foot. So trust yourself and keep things moving forwards for your own sake.

4. Be unapologetic. This is the key to showing you are congruence with who you are. Even if you ‘fuck up’ you didn’t mean to, and you didn’t intent to offend anyway. Unapologetic is the key to getting away with anything, similar to Stifler or James Bond. When your unapologetic you can do what you want, get away with it, and ultimately people will react to you, you don’t react to them, you’re the source of a range of emotions and stimulation and this makes you a man of value to them.

5. As a man, there is nothing someone can give you that you can’t get for yourself. As a result of natural evolution men have become socially and emotionally autonomous where as women are not. If you need people, especially women – on any level, especially for ego validation or sense of self – you’re being a bitch. You will never be attractive. Remember that when you go out: your sense of self and fulfilment is something you can achieve on your own, this is not true for a woman. Realising this is the key to a natural’s frame.

6. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. In life, time will tick away whether you like it or not. Time is a constant. Whatever you are doing in that constant of time will be reinforced. If you are getting out there taking action, moving forward, taking responsibility you will either achieve things or learn things, making way for other achievements. The worst thing you can do with your time is nothing. Staying home, not going to the gym, not approaching, or ejecting for a worthwhile set. If you aren’t winning or learning something at every point in time in your life you will be out of congruence with your ‘man-of-action’ innate trait and you will feel bad. When you win and when you learn you feel good. Get out there. There is no failure, there is just competent and not-yet-competent.

7. Whatever you feel, she feels. Remember that women don’t judge you on your status, they don’t judge you on your looks or even on your words. They judge you and react to you based on what feeling you influence them with. That said, its most important that you are always feeling good. Best way to do this is to be a man of action with a path in life, someone who is ballsy and risk taking, someone who is daring and someone who sets out with positive intentions. You were born feeling good with self esteem, so you know that if you get back to natural state then you will feel good. Its only when you try and force things or unnatural do you lose your default good feeling. Be natural, be relaxed and you will achieve the very important goal of feeing good most of the time, and automatically make all girls feel good most of the time. You will be a fun guy to be around.

8. State is chill, not fireworks. This is a big one, most guys have no idea that state is not something exciting, not something flashy or even something extravagant, the coolest people you have known in your life and alpha males all have a chill vibe about them. This is true state, what Jeffy calls a burning coal. It is EASY to be consistently chilled-out or relaxed, it’s as simple as adopting an ‘it’s all good attitude’ and having some willpower to not let petty things get under your skin. If you’re always operating from an ‘it’s all good’ attitude, and you don’t get into bad state by letting people or incidences (the external world) get to you, then simply taking actions of your own choice (following your core) will ignite the nimbus. You will draw state from within. As a man it’s when you’re doing something you want to do that you’re most aroused. You influence others with this arousal and it makes you attractive. This state, unlike fireworks state, is the infinite well and never burns out – making you always attractive.

9. Other’s ARE socially conditioned, have empathy. It doesn’t matter what you have read or what manipulative tricks you know, IF WHAT YOUR DOING DOENST GEL WITH ANOTHER PERSON’S REALITY THEN YOUR NOT GOING TO FIT INTO THAT REALITY. What that means is, if what you’re doing –as good or as slick as you may think it is- doesn’t make sense to the people you are doing it to, you will simply be ignored or not taken seriously. Have an awareness of how those around you are socially conditioned and be responsive to that. Start within the constraints of that, then lead the interaction in your direction – your reality. Just as important, if you continue on, not aware that the way your approaching people doesn’t make sense to them, they will think you lack empathy and give rise to ‘ignore’ responses or straight up blow outs. Be calibrated, use your brains and your empathy.

10. If the girl isn’t gaming you, you’re not going to have sex with the girl. It’s true that people value something they have to work for, or something they think of as higher value than them. And this can be confusing if you are learning cold approach pick up. ‘How can I approach her, then, get the girl gaming me?’ Furthermore, to think that you have to game the girl implies that you are lesser than her, and this implication with become a self fulfilling prophecy to the girl you are interacting with. After all, the way you approach her is the way she makes up her mind about you. The way to get the girl gaming you is in the VALUE INVERSION POINT, what some people call the transition or the point when you go from 90/10 to 50/50 talking ratios. Go in chat, even entertain her and arouse emotions. Then withdraw. This usually elicits a question from the girl. Usually something chodely like ‘where are you from?’ or ‘what do you do?’. This is her gaming you, once you get this going, keep it going, answer with statements (obviously), express yourself to inspire attraction and she will continue to game you. The more she finds herself gaming you (unlike the way guys usually try and game her) the more she will find herself liking you and the closer you’ll be to sleeping with the girl.

11. Whatever you do, DON’T try for rapport. There are many levels of communication when two people interact and there are subsets of communications within them. To name a few there are verbal, non verbal and physical ways to communicate; and if you want to be more technical there are logical modalities and emotional modalities, direct or indirect. The modalities aren’t as important as using them to ensure you don’t try for rapport. In any interaction people automatically fall into a role of high value and low value. If you’re trying for rapport you will automatically communicate low value, if you don’t, you won’t communicate low value. To try and break rapport is tricky, and to force it is actually a form of trying for rapport. What you will find is that when you are completely natural, as a man, you never try for rapport, and others automatically respond by taking on a subordinate value to you.

12. The girl is down to fuck until otherwise proven innocent. And most guys shoot themselves in the foot pretty quickly, sometimes before they even approach. Many guys fail to realise that girls are constantly on the lookout for that ‘special guy’, in the same way we are on the lookout for that one hot girl in a bikini. To guys, a girl’s looks set her apart. But girls judge a guy’s behaviour, the way you behave is where your potential to be seen as a special guy lies. So when you start an interaction deep down she’s hoping to meet an awesome guy – but doesn’t expect to, and she wouldn’t even know what that looks like when it ran some game on her. If you don’t do anything offensive, or socially retarded to get yourself blown out then you give her a chance to start FINDING in you the things she wants in a guy. Interpretation of behaviour is very subjective, and it helps that the girl is making a conscious effort in life to interpret guys in the way she hopes to see them. So do less, stay in set, don’t shoot yourself in the foot and the you give the girl a chance to be attracted to you.

13. Proactive DHV’s communicate lower value. The ideal of demonstrating higher value is as important in the game now as it ever was. But to go out of your way to demonstrate value to someone is really demonstrating lower value. To tell a clever DHV story to a girl, to do a magic trick or to run some elaborate routine is unnecessary. Proactive DHV’s are the actions of man with a mindset that ‘he is not good enough just as he is’; as opposed to a guy who just assumes value. Girls derive their attraction to you, or not, based on your mindset (which automatically generates your behaviours and autopilot responses). Proactive DHV’s is like showing a girl your Ferrari Key chain – no good because your saying to the girl that guy hiding behind the key chain isn’t enough. If you’re a cool guy the girls will know automatically, if you’re not cool they will know just as quickly.

14. Beating congruence test’s is the way to overtly DHV. If you have even known a cool person in your life you will know that it wasn’t them who convinced you they were cool, someone eluded you to the fact, or their value or ‘coolness’ became apparent when they successfully dealt with a testing situation. They don’t need to convince you they’re cool because they’re already aware they are, you only realise they’re cool once you get to know them. These types of guys are usually extremely chill and unstifled. In the club, what this translates to, is being nicely conversational and expressive. As you talk to the girl you’re bound to elicit congruence tests because that’s what girls do, and the way they interpret you is subjective. If you get a test, an awkward lull in conversation, a ‘we have to go with our friends’, an ‘ I have to go to the bathroom’ or a personal challenge from the girl this is your opportunity to demonstrate higher value with a Positive-Dominant response. You overtly show you can think for yourself, deal with tricky situations, are unreactive and you go for what you want.

15. Confidence is binary; you’re either confident or you’re a complete chode. You can’t be ninety percent confident. ‘Close but almost confident’ really means that you are just a bitch – or pretending to be a chode. The best understanding I have of confidence is confidence happens when you perceive that nothing holds you back. That’s why five year old kids can be just as confident as multi billionaires or rock stars. It’s all about not having a care in the world. Girl make a very quick attraction judgement based on your confidence which is conveyed in your behaviours. If you hold yourself back in any way… you lose. If you don’t put any mental obstacles between yourself and what you are out to achieve your confident; you’re attractive.

16. ‘Uncomfortable’ is the magic word. You know how many chodes complain that with girls ‘no means yes and yes means no’, this isn’t exactly true but it is true that girls don’t logically communicate what they’re emotionally feeling. Why do they do this? To see what your made of, if you trust yourself and if you have balls. It’s a pure alpha-ness and attractiveness gauge. Most guys don’t realise that girls very rarely communicate socially in the logical and verbal realm, most of what is said becomes redundant, and when you open your eyes to the emotional channels you will understand women much better. Most guys take a simple no, or a lack of enthusiasm from women as gospel, when realy its just a test. I can guarantee that you can take most sets or interactions MUCH further than you think you can, and she wants to see if you have the balls to. Sometimes you will be miscalibrated or you will reach your limits of the set or escalation… you will know when the limit of the interaction is when the girls uses the word ‘uncomfortable’ or any translation of that.

17. Indications of interest is when the girl is quiet and attentive. Did you used to read the old emails that advocated that a girl liked you when she licked her lips/played with her hair/touched your arm/took off her skirt? Most did, and most guys are looking for some kind of guidelines to when a girl likes him so he can eliminate the risk of rejection and his chode world coming collapsing down. What’s worse is when you’re searching for traditional ‘IOI’s’ you set out to suck them out of the girl which makes your behaviour even worse. Furthermore, girls rarely think to themselves ‘yes Jessica, I like this guy, I hope he will kiss me in the night’ I’m sure that does happen, but if you’re waiting for that then you’re not going to get the girl because you will miss your window of opportunity. A part of her liking you is when you assume she is interested in you, she will be attracted to a guy with that reality. So, f your still looking for a way to tell if a girl might be interesting in becoming attracted to you look for the ones that are nervous and attentive to you. Quiet, but paying attention to you. This is the same behaviour that a guy would exhibit for a girl that he was very attracted to.

18. Don’t ‘know’; grow. If you’re coming into the community looking to learn how to become a guy who is good with girls it makes sense to you that you need to logically learn something in order to become a guy who is good with girls. No, the game isn’t about learning – the game is all about growing. The reason why ideas, moves and techniques can be appealing is the way they inflate your ego and your false sense of self. Really, knowing inflates your ego, messes up your identity and suppresses your natural self beneath it. To learn human interaction is a intuitive, intangible thing and very difficult to measure. Unless you have academy award winning acting skills there is no way to truly fake it till you make it with learned knowledge because incongruence will still be communicated. Use the knowledge you are gathering from others to guide your growth and change your mindset so you can grow into the guy that you are supposed to be.

19. It is impossible to become a guy who is good with girls. Although the allure of the community advertises that you can ‘become a pimp with women’ and you will be able to ‘fuck 10’s’ it is wrong to say that you will ever be a guy who is good with girls. To say that, is to say that you are above the process and you are not a guy who is going to take action. To identify with ‘being good with girls’ is to cease to take action on a daily basis and lazily rest on your laurels. If you don’t take action then you will cease to approach, cease to move things forward and cease to be good with girls. Some guys get a sharp reality shock when they realise that they can’t ever become a ‘guy who’s good with girls’. But the sooner you realise it’s a futile pursuit the sooner you realise that you have to continue to take action on any given night in any given set. As a man it is correct to identify with being ‘a man of action’ – because that’s what you physically and biologically are. Instead of looking to achieve the identity of being ‘a guy who’s good with girls’ seek to identify yourself as a ‘guy who is always continuing to get good with girls. This is the road to Pick up mastery.

20. Inspire attraction, don’t seduce it. Express yourself, don’t impress others. Whether or not you can be attractive to someone is completely subjective and thus, unpredictable. You can have no idea what will turn on different people, especially when you are cold approaching lots of them. So instead of focusing your efforts on what will impress them and what impression you are going to make, do the things that is sure to inspire attraction in everyone. When you shift your focus from setting out to impress people to, instead, expressing yourself and doing the things that you know will inspire attraction; you’re reality strengthens significantly, others react to you, you become unstifled and most importantly you have lots of fun. They fact that you’re not out to seduce attractive form women and instead are out to inspire it communicates to women you approach that you have all the trust in yourself that you have enough and are enough to be attractive to them. You inspire it in women, you don’t need to trick it out of them, and they come to you.

21. Be involvement worthy. The best way to go about natural game is to be someone worthy of involvement. The best way to think of being good at natural game is to be continually asking yourself ‘Am I being involvement worthy?’. This paradigm has massive emphasis on responsibility, pro-activity and leading. When you continually ask yourself ‘am I involvement worthy’ you move into a head-space where you are continually drawing on yourself to get things started, move conversations forward, formulate ideas and extrapolate social opportunities. In accordance with other natural game principles you know that you’re not going to get the girl unless she’s gaming you, if you’re conversational, assertive and making situations fun then the girls will take it upon themselves to make the most of your time and vie for more of it. Being involvement worthy is like wild male animals expressing themselves hoping to find a mate. In this day and age the guy who has the most to say, is the least stifled and the most expressive that will be the most involvement worthy and get the most girls.

22. Get yourself into state. One of the primary differences between men and women is where they get their state from. Women get their state from their environment, whereas men don’t. Higher forces take care of women’s state, but men are indifferent to them. A man’s default state is a chill relaxed positive feeling, in a noisy pumping venue, that’s your baseline, but that’s not enough to be calibrated. A man’s state is proportionate to his ability to be present, positive, dominant and active. If you’re not getting yourself into state the environment will eclipse you and put you deep inside your head. Get busy, do something positive; entertain yourself with stupid bar games. Do something dominant; arm wrestle your friends, lead a girl by the hand, be loud or stand up tall. Do something pro-active, open sets, move around, dance and escalate with girls. These are the best ways to get into state. Another rule of thumb is ‘motion is emotion’, take action and move yourself around, dance, clap your hands and bob your knees and state will come. No one else will do it for you.

23. Keep Things Simple While Learning. Once you make a significant transformation towards a guy who is in congruence with himself you will realise that natural game is a minimalist thing; you’re strong reality and intent leading the girl with continual calibrated responsivity. But if you still have lots of mental noise from residual social conditioning make an effort to keep things simple, your end goal should always be ‘no mind, all intuition’. So when you go out make an effort to think about only three things for once. If your new, three good things are ‘friendly, unapologetic, draw state from within’. A more intermediate three might be ‘assertiveness with a smile, lead, can’t get blown out from escalating’ and an advanced three might be ‘every man starts equal, be 100% honest with yourself and others, and persistence beat resistance’. If you go out while you’re learning the game with truckloads of theory spinning around in your head you will only get out of state and reverse good progress you have made. It’s likely that you would be so inside your complicated head that you don’t even approach.

24. There is no such thing as a crush; ice cream theory. The classical notion of ‘having a crush on a girl’ is one of the most unnatural and destructive forces that counter natural game. The Dynamics of the crush is one of the biggest limiting factors fort guys learning natural game. To have a crush on a girl is to build up an idea of her in your own mind that is completely fabricated and usually vastly different from reality. People think they have a crush on a girl because having a girl who is their ‘type’ appeals to their ego and their attempt to project a particular sense of self. You don’t know a person, or a girl, until you have spent a lot of time with them. It’s natural that you treat everyone equally and don’t assume anything and wait and see if you cultivate affection for the girl or not. When you develop a crush on a girl you go into chode mode. Even when you get the girl you have a crush on you will eventually get a reality shock when you realise what you thought she was isn’t what she actually is. All attractive girls are good. Like flavours of ice cream, appreciate them all, and after lots of experience then you can develop a preference.

25. For cold approaches social versatility is the most important thing, ‘clicking’. On the broadest scale of picking up girls from cold approaches socially versatility is the most important thing. Not your skills, or your methods or structures. If you are going to make cold approaches on strangers you need to have the versatility and manoeuvrability in who you are and your personal boundaries in order to click with and get into conversation with anyone. An egotistical person usually has an identity that hold blind spots and can cause him to have friction with new people that he meets including girls he’s cold approaching. An ‘easy going’ type of guy, a guy with self esteem and no ego, isn’t restrained by a reality and an identity that he is bound to – or that he feels he has to project onto others. The result is he clicks with everyone and assumes nothing. When you are a fluid and socially versatile, egoless, guy you become someone that everyone likes to hang out with because they are all coming from the same headspace of’ trying to make an impression’. When they interact with you they will feel as though they have made just the impression they want, and you will stoke their ego. Stoking the ego of other’s especially girls, leaves them wanting more of it, people will look to you to ‘fill their bucket with a hole in it.’

26. Its incongruent of you not to be sexual. One of the things that students of natural game most often forget is their tenancy to be sexual. A nice guy who has undergone the transformation to sexworthy guy was once a nice guy and still harbours reserved and stifled physical tendencies. If your an alpha male and attractive to girls, and you don’t have a physical and sexual dimension to your game, girls will become weirded out by you and leave you cold. When you become advanced your approach will be great and most girls will like you a lot immediately, but sooner or later if you don’t take things sexual you will miss your ‘window of opportunity’. If you don’t have the sexual and physical dimension to your game the girls will have a bruised ego that a guy who they liked and found was attractive didn’t want to make a move on her and they will quickly disassociate with you to minimalize ego bruising. Or, they will go from thinking you are a fun dominant alpha male, to thinking you are just a garden variety nice guy, and no girls are attracted to a nice guy.

27. The most important thing is to feel good, be fulfilled – not happy. The first judgement a girl will make of you when you cold approach her is whether or not she gets a good feeling from you. Do you increase her life experience or do you take away from it. It’s all well and good to be happy in the club, but a happy feeling is a fleeting and superficial thing. If you have fulfillment in your life then you will constantly have a feeling of confidence, security and positivity. Girls are not necessarily looking for a happy feeling from guys, they are looking to him to she is he feels good, fulfilled and secure in himself, to hang out with a guy who is fulfilled and secure in himself will give a girl very good feelings and she will know if your fulfilled in your life almost immediately. To be fulfilled have a purpose and a direction in life, this is to be in congruence with always being a man of action. Others ways to find fulfillment as a man are to positively lead others, take action and always be progressing. Simple things to achieve to ensure you have good natural game when it comes to cold approaching.

28. There is no right thing to say, it’s the right thing to say because you are the one who’s saying it. This is the best possible summary of natural game, and it in sharp contrast to traditional ideas about game. On the purest level natural game is about being resourceful and relying on yourself. This ties in with idea of creativity, spontaneity and ‘turning nothing into something’. Evolutionarily, it was the cavemen who could completely rely on themselves and trust themselves – not need advice or guidance from others – that set off the attraction triggers in cave women’s heads. A man who can turn nothing into something through action an responsibility has evolutionary advantages that other don’t have, and a guy like this generates natural attraction, and is good at natural game. When you realise that there is no ‘one right thing’ to do or say at any time in the game you become unstifled in such a way that you can do everything with conviction –whether good or bad – and this communicates confidence and inspires attraction. The minute you look to others to for the right thing to do or say you communicate all the wrong things. When you realise that there is nothing ‘right to say’ it’s as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you establish an unwavering feeling of fulfilment and positivity in you that will make you an elite level natural gamer.

Here are the 28 points in their entirety.

Be yourself

Be Natural.

Don’t calculate and micromanage

Be unapologetic

As a man, there is nothing someone can give you that you can’t get for yourself

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

Whatever you feel, she feels8. State is chill, not fireworks.

Other’s ARE socially conditioned, have empathy.

If the girl isn’t gaming you, you’re not going to have sex with the girl.

Whatever you do, DON’T try for rapport.

The girl is down to fuck until otherwise proven innocent.

Proactive DHV’s communicate lower value.

Beating congruence test’s is the way to overtly DHV.

Confidence is binary; you’re either confident or you’re a complete chode.

‘Uncomfortable’ is the magic word.

Indications of interest is when the girl is quiet and attentive.

Don’t ‘know’; grow.

It is impossible to become a guy who is good with girls.

Inspire attraction, don’t seduce it. Express yourself, don’t impress others.

Be involvement worthy.

Get yourself into state.

Keep Things Simple While Learning.

There is no such thing as a crush; ice cream theory.

For cold approaches social versatility is the most important thing, ‘clicking’

Its incongruent of you not to be sexual.

The most important thing is to feel good, be fulfilled – not happy

There is no right thing to say, it’s the right thing to say because you are the one who’s saying it.

…Print it out and put it somewhere you’re going to read it every day.

Alexander~

PS. Longer articles on all of these in due course.

Preface…A Warning.

In recent times I have been fingers deep in some in depth inner game articles so I thought to myself, “Alexander, it’s time for a change of scenery. Let’s talk about the process. Let’s talk outer game.”

Outer game itself is the verbal structures of the interaction. It is the knowledge of the social world and things that you might need to say or do to better your success with women. In the early days of ‘The Game,’ guys would manipulate the structures of social interactions in order to figure out how to get girls. This made sense logically, but as Real Social Dynamics got more and more field experience we realised that we were looking at the wrong channels. Inner game was the foundation of good game; outer game was just the logistical facilitator.

Our focus shifted to natural game; transforming yourself into a naturally attractive guy and coming into alignment with the man you are meant to be.

And this is where real success will come from. But, you need some ‘moves’ on top of tight inner game and elite congruence to make the best of any interaction. This is often neglected by guys who go all out with the pure natural game branch of knowledge. If congruence with yourself is 80% of your success then outer game is 10% of your success. The rest is in field intuition (or knowledge of the matrix, but that goes hand in hand with personal growth through social exposure and experience).

Remember, outer game is an expression of your naturally attractive self. Not a compensation for it. In the early days all that we knew was outer game, so people would learn it and quickly bury any remnants of the natural self that they used to be. Some still fall into this trap. You are not your moves; rather your moves are an expression of yourself. They are handy tools to have at your disposal in times when in-field manoeuvrability and versatility will make the difference between having sex with someone else – or yourself.

At the same time, if you take the moves too seriously, if you identify with them, then you can become bound to them. If you live off plans and you encounter a situation where you don’t have a pre-planned contingency, then you are left high and dry not knowing which way to turn or what script to deliver. Knowledge of moves brings with it the risk of turning a free flowing intuitive and present headspace into a headspace that executes ‘if: then’ ASCII computer code.

Outer game is very good for a guy who just wants to get into field and get started. He will soon realise that the moves are not the be all and end all, but they do give you an advantage. When I teach outer game or moves it’s a case of me passing on my intuition and experience for others to instantly implement. While this information has taken years for the crème of the crop of Real Social Dynamics to find and verify the knowledge of these moves are insignificant compared to what we know about inner game and personal growth.

What some people will charge you thousands of dollars to learn in seminars or DVD’s is here for you for free. Why? So my bootcamp students have a good knowledge of some moves to compliment the inner game and personal growth experiences that can only be taught in person on bootcamp.

How does Outer Game Fit In With RSD curriculum.

A = HV + E∞. To inspire attraction in a woman you need to come from a place of higher value and be her source of a full range of emotions. The more emotional stimulus you can provide for a girl the more attracted to you she is going to be. This is where the infinity behind the ‘E’ comes into play. Most guys only start a conversation and talk to the girl for a minute or maybe two until which time she gets nervous and doesn’t know what to say and he runs away. Or the guy forgets he was born with a nut-sack and sulks away to look at porno on his blackberry.

Knowledge of outer game structure can give you enough conversational ammunition to communicate long enough to begin to arouse the girl that you are talking to. This is called chatting up girls. Talk to a girl long enough that you get into a conversational groove, convey a full range of emotions. Come from a place of self expression, not girl-impression, for long enough and you will surely inspire attraction.

To get the expression not impression principles check out these articles:

Who Are You, A = HV + E, The Golden Rule, Identity Level Change.

If you have outer game but no inner game, you will inspire a range of emotions in a woman but still be trying to impress her. Attraction is not satisfied. At the same time, you could be the most internally centred, coolest, decorated war hero, but if you don’t interact with the woman then she won’t be emotionally aroused by you. Attraction isn’t satisfied. There needs to be a combination of arousal inspired by you and value conveyed to the girl. Talking to the girl coming from a place of higher value combined with an expression of yourself. The more you do this, the more the girls is going to like you, the better you are going to be at meeting new girls from cold approaches.

In terms of the learning curve of game, outer game is the facilitator of experience for a guy who is oblivious to emotional communication. If a guy has never ever done a cold approach then he will have no idea that girls communicate emotionally. But he will only begin to realise that fact once he starts interacting with girls. If a guy were to try and start communicating with girls right off the bat then he would be lost at sea. It would be like me trying to speak Portuguese. I have no idea. An intermediate facilitator of that language will pave the way for me to get an intuitive and manoeuvrable understanding of a foreign language.

Or, you could think of outer game like being consciously competent at game where most guys are consciously incompetent. Once you are totally consciously competent at the outer game stuff you can transcend it, and become unconsciously competent at it. You make the shift from lower value communication to higher value communication and attraction is satisfied. But you need the conscious implementation to catapult from conscious incompetence (no idea) to unconscious competence (mastery).

On an elite level, when the coaches do things like palm reading, iridology and qualification it’s a case of adding immaculate field tested outer game ‘moves’ to an existing immaculate internally centred self. Metaphorically it would be like taking chuck Norris and giving him James Bond’s car and gadgetry – enough said. Amongst coaches we don’t like to used these things because we feel morally bad, as though it is unfair or something. We know the effect it has so it’s probably immoral to use. But that is ultimately your subjective judgment. It’s not a moral issue if you don’t know what to expect from implemented tried and tested moves. It’s your own experimentation process to gain a sound understanding of the fluid workings of the social world.

Basically outer game is the extended expression of yourself. As Jeffy would say, they are “the spices on the steak”. It’s a potent thing, but if you use too much you are going to be in all sorts of trouble. So, without further ado, use at your own risk.

The Found Structure Behind Historically Good Interactions

In any good interaction (natural or structured) the following elements will happen in basically this linear order:

Pre open.

Opener (three parts)

Group Theory

Attraction

Escalation

Isolation

Value Inversion

Rapport

Vibing

Qualification

Number close

OR,

Extraction

End Game

(Remember that you are likely to encounter congruence tests all the way through.)

In one case you would get a number that would a very solid with a low chance of flaking. In the other case you would follow the interaction all the way through to taking the girl home.

In understanding all of these steps, or even just understanding that they exist, it gives you something to do with CONVICTION. A lot of guys have a great personality and very good inner game, but no vehicle by which to express it. Let these steps be that vehicle. When you act with conviction you inspire richer emotions in the girls you interact with. When you act with conviction you behave in a way that is unstifled and you communicate to the girl that you are following your own intentions. She will categorize you quickly as an alpha male and attraction will soon follow.

Each and every step in the process has a place and purpose. I see so many of my students execute so much of the chain properly but neglect one important link that brings everything undone.

Pre Opener

Of course the opener is the first point of contact. But the girl will have a sense of who you are and how you feel before you even get to her. So take responsibility for that. Get yourself into state, do some warm ups, take some dares and get yourself into a deluded, somewhat thoughtless state of mind.

When you do begin the verbal part of the interaction realise that it’s not going to be a short sharp thing. When you open the set expect that you are going to be there for a minimum of ten minutes. Embrace the interaction for the sake of the interaction; don’t reach straight for her box.

The Opener, Part One.

The good old fashioned false time constraint is as valid as it has always been. This serves the purpose of disarming the girls immediately and will help set the frame that the girls are going to game you. The false time constraint doesn’t need to be elaborate, just communicate that you aren’t there to set up camp. I can think of ten examples of a good false time constraints but “hey, one sec” is more than enough to serve the purpose you are trying to achieve.

The Opener, Part Two

With the opener itself, there is any number of ways that you can start the conversation. Most of the openers that you have read – unique or mainstream – can work as you long as realise it’s not the opener that’s going to get the girl, it’s just the preliminary means by which to get the conversation rolling. Think statements, opinion openers, basic questions, observations, cold reads, deliberate illogicality, hook questions, saving the girl from creeps or simply introducing yourself.

The Opener, Part Three

But that is just the main part of the opener after the false time constraint. This will usually get the girls intrigued or sceptical about you and have them volunteering a response to you. Usually the response isn’t going to be her dropping to her knees and worshipping your dangle. After she responds to the way you initiate the conversation you need to respond to her by communicating a different emotion from the one you initially did.

You: “Hey, one sec. My name is Alex. I don’t usually see you at this place”

Her: “Uh, maybe that’s because you’re blind.”

You: “Oh, no, that’s probably because you are that girl who is always hanging out in the cloak room with the promo guys. I heard about you!”

You have gone from nice guy to challenging guy and passed a congruence test. A = HV + E, attractive frame.

Or,

You: “Hey, one sec. My name is Tim. I had to meet you.”

Her (nervously): “Oh, hi Tim!”

You: “Oh shit, you don’t have a name. Maybe you were not the girl I was supposed to meet.”

Push pull: the girl is reacting to you. The frame is set. A good rule of thumb is: the frame you start with is the frame you are stuck with.

One you have opened the conversation and you are onto the second part of the opener this is where you show your personality. With a good frame set, segue to the classic conversation ratio where you talk 90% of the time and the girl talks 10% of the time. At the beginning of the interaction you can expect the girl to be shy or trying to manage the impression she is making of you, so it is important that you get the conversation rolling and give her a chance to become involved with it.

A few good ways to do this is to go into a relevant story, multiple threading, Tim’s pounding of passion where you ask the girl several questions in quick succession or going into plot lines and role playing. This is the part of the interaction that usually happens between when you open and when you hook. This is when it is important to plow and beat congruence tests until you hook. Keep talking off the opener until she has relaxed and is cool with you being there.

With some field experience and a good inner game this should be pretty easily done. Basically just think of it as having a conversation because – that’s what it is. If it gets boring spice it up, if it gets out of control chill it out. You control the rhythms of the interaction because you have a more dominant frame and better knowledge of who you than others’ knowledge of who they are.

Group Theory

One of the biggest pitfalls in most interactions is the friends of the girl, or her peer group. A group of girl’s state is interdependent; if you go taking one away from the group then you mess up all of their states and take the party away from them. The very first thing you should do after the opener is meet all of her friends. The group will either form a coalition to destroy you or plan a hen’s night for your imminent marriage to their friend. To get the girls onside it’s very straightforward, just talk to them and introduce yourself to everyone.

A good rule of thumb with this is ‘flirty and illogical with the target, friendly and logical with the friends’. For example, ask what each of the friends do for a job but state that the girl you like must work as a mermaid. Logical versus illogical. If you get flirty with the ugly friends they may adopt you and then get sad and bitchy if you don’t pay them attention. You want to have an emotional interaction with the girl you like, talk to the friends like they are nuns from the Mormon cult.

When addressing the group a whole you can do role plays, ask about group dynamics, ask how they know each other or whatever. It’s all pretty straight forward stuff. Ask them which Sex in the City girl they play, which Spice Girl they would be, go Dr Phil on their ass, et cetera, et cetera.

Beware however the fatty/manager/bitch/psychologically unsound/not getting laid chick. She can make every one unhappy; even if the cute girl likes you, the bitchy girl can ruin everything. Because girls are heavily influenced by their environment, they also agree without question to the opinions of their friends. This is very frustrating because the bitchy girl can be your Achilles’ heel. Or, she could be your cupid.

In short, call her the sniper girl (Natural Tim, 2006) and accuse her of being the girl that keeps all her friends from doing stupid thing they will regret when they are drunk. Say that it’s a pleasure to meet her, because if it wasn’t for girls like her then your friend/cousin/sister/workmate would have been at the abortion clinic many times over. The sniper girl often likes this and will try and lick your face. Don’t succumb. Thank her for her good Samaritan work and be on your way with her friend with the sniper girl’s blessing.

With guys in the group there are two ways to handle it. In the first place the guy will be a chode, do nothing and because you are a cooler and more sociable guy the girls will recognise you are the coolest guy around and be attracted to you because girls are attracted to the most alpha guy in the group. No worries, most guys are bitches and are scared, but they are good to prop you up to a more alpha role then when you were approaching on your own.

Secondly the guys might try and fuck with you and do some kind of “AMOGing” (Alpha Male Other Guy). Personally, I think AMOG’ing is kinda lame and definitely unnecessary. The only person I AMOG is Ryan, not because I want his girls, but because I want to talk to him and the girls are detracting me from doing that. If a guy is trying to mess with you, the girls you are talking to will clearly notice and realise that he is less cool than you for trying to fuck with you. Call the guy on ‘not being cool’ with something like, “Hey man, what the fuck are you talking about, chill out, we’re all just being cool here.” Proceed to introduce yourself and he will either be blown out by the girls or he will disappear into the bathrooms to snack on the urinal cakes.

Attraction

The next part of the interaction is attraction. This doesn’t mean that you have to deploy your flying monkeys with fangs. Attraction will come from you just talking to the girl and the group through a higher value frame (less reactive, more assertive, less predictable) and exposing her to a full range of emotions as a function of you talking to her. If you are talking to her the conversation goes like most ‘meet and greet’ conversations go you will be bored and be inspired to pull your pants down or something similar. Reframe, be socially calibrated, but do thwart your boredom with an array of self entertaining conversation spikers as opposed to the good old fashioned interview questions.

Some things that might prevent you from falling asleep on the beer mats are:

• Teasing
• Sexual misinterpretation
• Cold reading
• Compliance ladders
• Verbal and physical push pull
• Using the phrase ‘let’s play a game’
• Nicknames
• Qualification
• Implementing the Anomaly effect
• Teaching something
• Take aways
• Extreme multiple threading
• Elastic snap back
• Game and gimmicks
• Play with iPhone
• Sexual innuendo
• Shock and awe
• ‘Us versus the world’ conspiracies
• Plot lines
• Emotional rapport
• Beating congruence tests
• Physical communication and leading
• Frame controlling
• Using the word ‘babe’
• Verbal rhythm
• Emotional content of your language
• Eye contact and intensity
• Story telling style.
• Many others

(This list was taken directly from the post A = HV + E, the complete article on attraction)

A lot of these moves are things that a guy will do naturally when he is just fucking around, implement them if you will. Remember though, the moment you deliberately implement these actions to get the girl to like you the actions become unattractive things. Do them as an expression of yourself for the purposes of self entertainment.

If a girl meets a guy who can express himself in the above listed ways, win the approval of her judgemental friends and start and carry a conversation until the point where the girl is comfortable then you will most certainly hook the girls attention and inspire attraction. Remember though, there can’t be one iota of you trying for rapport with her until she tries for rapport with you. Classic game theory reminds us that attraction always comes before rapport. Or more accurately, you don’t have a serious conversation with the girl until she initiates serious talk with you. You need to be an involvement worthy guy.

So, finally you have her hooked. The girl initiates serious questions of you, usually to the tune of “where are you from, what do you do, how long are you staying here”. These questions will surely put you to sleep I know, but you have to be polite. Answer some things accurately and misinterpret some when it entertains you. Will you will begin to develop rapport simply by talking to the girl and getting to know each other. If you entertain yourself through the ‘get to know you’ generic conversation you will radiate an arousing range of emotions that will keep the girl interested and result in her attraction towards you building.

Escalation

But, let me back track here for a moment. On another simultaneous dimension is the action concurrent to conversation: physicality. As Christophe says, “If you’re talking, your touching.” Basically the difference between friendly and flirty is physicality. So if you are worried about that cake-binger’s sexual advances on you then just cut off all contact. Don’t let her boobs rub against you ‘cause you will give her the wrong idea and the wrong reasons to go to the ladies room.

With the cute girls, however, physical interaction is chemistry itself. It’s the bumping and vibrating of ions that generates heat and tension and she is bound to react. You should think of your physical interaction with the girl as something that increases with intensity steadily but not smoothly. Similar to the jagged upwards gradient of a stock exchange graph (with the exception of recent times).

The best way to think of escalation is two steps forward and one step back. This can be done to the tune of push and pull, gradually getting closer, but without being overly predictable. Start the escalation at the very beginning of conversation with the cute girl, otherwise you will get into a friendly frame. Don’t start the physicality with too much intensity otherwise you will set a restraining order frame. Start with a hand shake and five minutes later you want to be telling secrets. Five minutes later again you want to be holding hands, keep this two steps forward one step back going until you have something we call physical rapport. This is where you and the girl are completely comfortable in each other’s personal space. There is a threshold to how physical you can get at a bar however, but it does set a platform for further physical intimacy later on in a private setting.

Isolation

With the entire notion of physical escalation understood let’s get back to the conversational dimension of the interaction. Once the girl has hooked and started asking you question’s, the friends have been won over and you are well on the way to good physical rapport, it is time to get the girl one on one. This is called isolation. Girls are susceptible to the arousing and ever changing external stimuli around them. If you are the only source of stimulus to her you will be her only source of arousal. More so, she won’t be distracted by girl friends and the likelihood of her being approached by others guys is non-existent when she is one on one with you.

Getting the girl one on one with you is easily done if you have hooked and fulfilled the other aspects of the interaction up until this point. The way I isolate almost every time is to say to the girl’s group of friends, “We are going to get a drink. We’ll be back soon. Fatty you are cut off.” I don’t usually say the bit about the fatty because she gets pissed at me and so does the girl. I can then take the girl by the hand like a couple, create an ‘us versus the world conspiracy’ or a ‘bubble of love’ and escalate further again. Waiting in line we have a chance to talk one on one and I will even talk to other girls in the area while I am waiting for drinks for social proof and some general self absorption.

A word of note about buying drinks – and I have written about this before (albeit badly: How to Drink) -buying drinks for girls is fine. Drink buying is good when its expression not impression. It makes sense to the girl that if she is going to hook up with a guy if he’s going to buy her drinks. In her socially conditioned mind this clicks. When she has a few drinks she can then begin to move towards justifying going home with you. And, most importantly, it’s good to bring a girl with you to the bar because where I drink I have been cut off from ordering more than one drink for me at a time. With a girl there I can buy the drink under the guise that she will drink most of it, when really, I will drink all of it.

The Value Inversion Point

So by this stage you have the girl opened and hooked, her friends like you, you are getting physical, you are one on one and attraction is consistent because you are continuing to communicate from a frame of attraction, A = HV + E. So far you have been gaming the girl. But, we all know that you won’t get laid unless the girl games you. In the beginning of the interaction you need to put your personality out there and involve her with it, she’s interested in you for you, which is cool. But as far as she knows you are interested in her just for some ‘poontang.’

At the point where you have hooked and isolated, the point where you go from a 90:10 talking ratio to a 50:50 talking ratio, the point where you stop gaming the girl and the girl starts gaming you is something magical and new called the VALUE INVERSION POINT. It is called this because this is when you stop demonstrating value to the girl and you give her the chance to start demonstrating her value to you. This way you give her a chance to give you a chance to like her for her, not just for the look of her. The truth of the matter is, even if a girl is breathtakingly hot, if she’s a piece of shit human being (drugs, validation whore, harlot, or dumbass) you won’t be able to endure her long enough to hook up with her.

Basically, the value inversion point is when the girl needs to start making an effort to keep you from walking away. She will tend to do this by asking you boring fucking questions, but this is a good thing because you know she is gaming you. She won’t start asking you questions unless you give her a chance to start asking you questions. If you don’t give her that chance and keep talking you become entertainer man, the dancing money. You want her to be the dancing monkey; a girl loves a chase.

The value inversion point is a subtle thing. It’s basically you pausing on a high note of the interaction expectantly waiting for her to continue the conversation. You are more comfortable with the silence than she is. You know that you’re an involvement worthy guy, she knows that your an involvement worthy guy and you both know that if she doesn’t start investing in the conversation pretty soon you’re gonna start striding away because she is actually boring to you. She knows you could have options.

When she starts asking you questions from a frame where she is trying for rapport with you, you are in a frame where you are a selector and unreactive. She reacts to the stated facts of your statements as prompted by her questions. In this frame, once this VALUE INVERSION has occurred, the interaction is as good as successful. But it is a critical moment. You need to know when to expectantly pause at just the right time to catalyse the shift in value demonstration.

In the following clip the value inversion point happens at the 8.56 point. Notice the change of investment into the conversation as elicited by the male. I don’t like to use Hollywood as an example of real life but this is an exception where what I’m trying to communicate is accurately demonstrated.

Rapport

Now you have an interaction where the girl is gaming you and you are having fun. This will ultimately result in you getting the girl. But, that won’t happen then and there on the dance floor floorboards, you need to get to know each other. Once you have conquered the value inversion point you are in a zone where you are just chatting up the girl. Yes that right, all you have to do form this point on is chat up the girl. It will generally be a 50/50 interaction where there is a combination of statements and questions generated by each of you but all the while you are in control of the frame. While you are in control of the frame it creates an opportunity for the girl to game you which is extremely arousing to her.

The more you simply get to know each other the more rapport you will have with a girl. The more you chat up the girl in a one on one situation the more you will be her source of arousing stimulus the more emotions she will get from you, the stronger her attraction towards you will be. A = HV + E∞. While you are talking and getting to know each other you are continuing to physically escalate which is arousing in and of itself.

Some basic knowledge about rapport states that there are essentially two type of rapport that you can have with a girl. Wide rapport which is the discussion of a broad range of topic until you find several commonalities. Then there is deep rapport which is deeper heart to heart topics like who her hero’s are, what she was in high school, what her dream job is. These rapport questions and be mirrored by yourself and in the case of the deep rapport questions cut out any sorts of egos you might both be projecting and exposed your natural self deep down while it helps your girl to find and get in touch with her natural self.

Think of the notion of rapport in terms of ‘investments and returns’. Conversationally the more a person invests into another person the more they are going to want a return. The more you get the girl talking to you and asking you questions the more she is going to want something from that investment she made later on. No point spending all the time gaming you up to see you just walk away. She will feel let down and rejected. The more you can create an opportunity for her to invest in you with questions, trying-for-rapport body language and tonality the more she is going to want to see you again or be validated by you. Which could mean getting to see you again or ultimately physical intimacy.

Vibing

The whole chatting up the girl phase is what’s known as vibing. Vibing is when two people are lost in the moment. Of course we know that when you are present in the moment you have fun and feel good, you escape your future issues and your past dramas. Once you get into chatting with a girl conversation can get deep, and time will fly without you even noticing. When you are in the moment you and the girl both get back to default natural states. In your simultaneous default natural states you will naturally go towards sex in co-operation. That is the natural way that males and females interact in any species.

When you are vibing with a girl and getting to know her you can reconcile intent to ‘close’ with enjoyment of the interaction for the interaction itself. You know that if you get the girl in to the moment, beat whatever tests or obstacles come up, and continue to spend time with her then you and her will ultimately become more intimate with sex being the eventual outcome. For many guys they think that they need to be pulling the girl into a bathroom immediately or unbuttoning his fly there on the balcony. Realise that once you are into vibing with physicality the interaction is everything it needs to be. Vibe it out and when the opportunity to extract comes up take it. If an opportunity doesn’t come up manufacture one. All you need to know is that things are on the right track. Plus why would she be vibing with you if she didn’t like you and didn’t eventually want to get more intimate with you? You and your conversation is enough.

Word of note. Getting the make out in the bar isn’t beneficial to the progress of the interaction. Kissing the girl will communicate clearly to her that you and her are probably going in the direction of sex which will take the fun gaming element out of the interaction for her. Furthermore, if you don’t go home with the girl that night when she goes to take your phone call during the week she won’t be able to justify seeing you because she will know that her relationship with you is going to be geared towards physical intimacy, namely sex. A physically geared relationship is ok, it just can’t be an obvious and predictable thing.

If you don’t kiss the girl there is a lot more tension and a full range of emotions exchanged as a result of that. She will even try to start kissing you in the bar, or start wondering why a cool guy like you isn’t kissing the her, a girl who considers herself to be attractive. Better to leave the kissing to a location where you have potential to do more than just kissing.

Congruence Tests

Of course the interaction is not all smooth sailing. In a dream world you could just cruise into a bar, talk to some girls, move her somewhere isolated and talk her into the sack. Nope, we live in the real world. Though, that easy-lay scenario has been known to occur. The inclement weather that prevents smooth sailing is called congruence tests.

These happen all through the interaction. From start to finish, but less during the vibing phase where is it usually just playful and innocent teasing. A congruence tests is where the girl gives you any sort of unfavourable response that makes it difficult to continue the interaction with her. Natural game is you approach girl, talk naturally, beat tests until you hook up with the girl. Girls test guys to ensure they are worthy partners. Remember that it’s men and women’s default state to eventually have sex because people are naturally attracted to one another, it drives species reproduction, the guy who passes the most tests is the one who will get the girl.

If you are that congruence with the man you are supposed to be then you will usually get very few tests in the same way that most guys wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardise hooking up with a model hot girl.

Girls test guys automatically and unconsciously all the time. Not because they are bitches, but they need to sort the men from the boys. Testing is something that is built into them. Understand that beating a congruence tests is a DEMONSTRATION OF HIGHER VALUE. Not your attraction routines, DHV’ing with them is called being an insecure try hard. The girl only knows you are a guy of value, and of higher value than her, when you beat or successfully deal with a testing situation.

These situations could be the girl ignoring you, her calling you a player, her telling you to go away, telling you that you are using a pick up line or her just being a total bitch. She’s probably a nice girl but she’s used to chodes hitting on her and she need to sort the quality from the riff-raff. If you are not capable of passing tests then you need to work on your inner game.
If you not going up to her trying to impress her, and you’re just being cool, she will at some point question you, test you, antagonise you or straight up try and belittle you. If you can remain unreactive to this, you hold the attractive frame(A = HV + E) and you overtly demonstrate that you are a man of value relative to her.

That being said, if you are clever and know how to do thing to generate tests immediately you can beat those same tests just as quickly. One example is calling a girl a minger.

So, the primary and most effective way to beat a girls test, or anyone’s for that matter, is to just plain out ignore it. If that doesn’t work then you can get a little bit creative with your response. Note that it is a response, not a reaction to her test. You can say “righto”, “I don’t speak Spanish”, “by X you mean Y” (another extended blog on that later) or “it’s all good.”A test is like a speeding bullet, it’s only as lethal as the impact it makes on you. If you don’t acknowledge the test then it isn’t validated and it simply doesn’t exist. You hold the higher value frame, you are less reactive to her and you overtly demonstrate higher value and are attractive.

Qualification

So, the interaction is almost complete. You have opened, won the friends, inspired attraction, isolated the girl, inverted the value demonstrating, got physical, got to chatting with her and have a good vibe going all the while beating congruence tests and demonstrating value. The interaction is looking plush. Now all you have to do is consolidate the interaction.

Of course a girl cannot just justify fucking some stranger who she will assume approached her based on her looks. Now that the girl has spent time chatting to you in an effort to get to know you, you need to acknowledge this. You need to qualify her, tell her what you like about her other than her looks. Tell her why you enjoy her and communicate to her that you understand who she really is. Clearly demonstrate that the connection you have established in the interaction is real.

When you qualify a girl there are three steps. Firstly tell her why she is different. Do not tell her why she is aesthetically different or visually different, like “oh my god, you’re so much taller than all the other girls” or “oh my god your camel toe is barely visible in your cargo pants” or “you are so pretty”. This shows that you still see her as a slab of meat, rather than a human being. There will be plenty of time to get in touch with her hotness and physicality later. But if you want to get to that she needs to know that you do in fact respect her.

Tell her that she is different in terms of her character traits. If you have been talking to her for five minutes you will be able to tell her profound things about her because you have been listening. If you can tell her these things and they are accurate they will appeal to her ego and make her feel good, she will feel validated and want more of it, especially when the validation is coming from a valuable source. So for example point out that she has “amazing energy” or that she is “really level headed and down to earth” or that she has a “fierce competitive streak” or that “she is extremely altruistic and caring of those around her”. Pointing out these traits isn’t hard especially if you are genuine. If you are doing these things just for the sake of doing them they will yield a very bad reaction from the girl. If you are going to point out a girl’s good characters traits you will need to have been talking with her for a little while.

The second step of qualification is to compare and contrast the girl with everyone else. If you pointed out that she was particularly caring then you could also point out that “a lot of people these days, especially in Sydney, are extremely self absorbed.” If you pointed out that she was particularly fierce then you could then point out that “people these days are lazy and they don’t take pride in themselves”. Contrast what makes her unique with the mundane and average character traits of the masses.

Thirdly in the qualification process you need to ask her why she is unique in the way that she is. If you pointed out that she was caring, then pointed out that others were self absorbed then you would want to ask her “what is it that makes you so particularly caring and altruistic?” She will want to talk about her positive characteristic and it will be interesting to hear origins of that character trait. As well as both those things it pumps up and validates her sense of self or ego which makes her feel good. As she explains why she is unique to you she is making an investment in you from which later she will want a return.

A word of note on ‘investments and returns’. By investments, I mean an investment of energy in the person they are talking to. From that investment of energy they expect that person to make just as much investment back. Whoever makes more of an investment is trying harder than the other person and won’t be satisfied with the interaction until they have an equal amount of effort invested back into them.

By that same token, if you go up and start making a massive investment into a woman off a cold approach, then she will wonder what she has done to get someone coming up making an unwarranted investment. She will soon realise that the person doing the investing is doing so to try and get her to make an effort back. If you are doing less investing in the interaction then the other person then the other person will want something from you. Usually to spend more time with you, to figure you out, to score with you, to be seen with you or to be validated by you. That’s the social world. Don’t make more of an investment than the girl, she will find herself making an investment in you from which she will want a return.

Closing

So the interaction is looking very good and you have done everything that will work in your favour and left nothing out. There are two ways to close this interaction, one way is to get the phone number, the other way is to take the girl to another venue or even home that night.

If you are only able to get a phone number that night then you want to have asked for the phone number earlier on in the interaction somewhere after the opener. This way throughout the rest of the vibing of the interaction she is talking to you through the filter of ‘this guy has my phone number’ as opposed to the filter of ‘this guy might be trying to get my phone number.’ Everything you ever needed to know about phone game can be found in another post here: Phone Game; Your Missing Piece.

On the other hand you may want to take the girl from the venue to get something to eat, to an after party or even straight home. This branch of knowledge is an entire blog post in and of itself. This blog post is just about the check points of the interaction. But, if you follow the check points outlined here venue changing or after partying won’t be a big deal.

In Conclusion

So there is it in its entirety. The tried, tested and proven outer game elements that constitute a very good interaction. Now that you have the knowledge of these steps, you can trouble shoot your own game and take your results to the next level.

Each and every part of the process is valuable in and of itself. Neglect one step and it could undo your entire interaction. If you aren’t in a good state before you open, the girls will run away from you. If you don’t open then you won’t talk to the girls. If you don’t introduce yourself to the friends then the friends will whisk the girl away from you. If you not attractive then you will just get into a friends zone. If you don’t initiate physical contact then you will be left in the friends zone. If you don’t get the girl one on one you won’t have a chance to quickly amplify your investment in each other. If you don’t invert the value of the interaction then you will fall into a dancing monkey frame. If you don’t get to know the girl then you are just another random guy at the bar. If you don’t qualify the girl then she will think you like her just to fuck her. If you don’t close the deal then you won’t get the girl. You will just be wasting your time.

For those who don’t go out much, a knowledge of what you are actually supposed to do can be the difference between you acting with confidence and not. Acting with confidence is the difference between you behaving attractively and not. So a structural knowledge is very important to newer guys.

For guys who have been around the game for a while this will be a rehash of a lot of ideas that you were aware of. But I can guarantee that you are missing elements or doing things in the wrong order that have left you confused by a lack of results. Leaving you to think to yourself “what am I missing?” For seasoned natural gamers a rehash of the basics can get you back to a simple interaction where it’s just a boy, a girl and some chemistry. Don’t overcomplicate things.

In the future I’m going to write extended articles on each of the aspects of the interaction with cool moves and extremely effective field tested dynamite. These specific ‘moves’ articles will be spread out over the next few months, but in the mean time there are plenty of tips and insights you can immediately implement for immediate success.

And lastly, and I can’t ever stress this enough, outer game is just an expression of yourself. Use your brain and intuition, follow the structure, but be smart about knowing when to bend it. Let this outer game structure guide you because it’s devastatingly effective, don’t let it be your dictator.

Have fun on the weekend!

I will.

Alexander~

Writing about my leverage that moulded me into what I am today was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Everything mentioned happened only three of four years ago but now it seems like it was another lifetime. It was a former self.

To recount the emotions experienced at the time of my life I read my old emails, looked at the old photos and read the old love letters I had stored in a secure metal box under my bed. After being so happy for so long it was a riveting emotional shock to my system.

In going over everything that happened it helped me to realise and appreciate how far I have come and remember what I fail to realise so many people are subjected to on a daily basis. Most walk around trapped in the prisoner of war camp that is their own confused soul.

But to escape this place of torture there is some kind of a process. A series of experiences. Some will never get to the bottom of the well. Some live life as alpha males and are on top of things from day one. But for the most part everyone is constantly struggling. Until they hit the bottom of the well.

In hindsight the leverage I wrote about was very messed up. But don’t think that I don’t realise that many people have far more fucked up leverage than I do. But it’s true that everyone has a ‘worst thing’ that they experience and that ‘worst thing’ is relative from person to person. That ‘worst thing’ might be similar in terms of how extreme the negative and desperate feelings are from person to person.

Looking back in horror and embarrassment of what I was I wondered how the fuck I could possibly have been in that headspace? On a weekly basis I wonder why my budding students could come into program with the worldview they have. Once that sadness and desperation is out of your reality it really is out of your reality. Once you start making shit happen and take control of your life there is no going back. You can’t avoid becoming what you want to be, becoming what you are supposed to be .

If you are coming from that place of fear and scarcity then it is quite a challenge. I realised the only reason I was in that headspace in the first place was because of myself. The more personal the wound the more universal. My story is similar to everyone else’s.

When I was young and in the embryonic stages of my identity development I was heavily influenced by my parents. As it is the case with most people my parents were proud, caring and took all the responsibilities for me.

Like all parents they wanted the best for me and they worked tirelessly trying to make it happen. Private schools, tutors and driving me to any sports training I was involved in. We lived a perfect life. But because it was so perfect I had a lot of responsibilities taken for me. This resulted in me growing into a little bitch. A total mummy’s boy.

I was a romantic, I wanted everyone to be friends. I thought about marrying a girl when I was ten and I was deadly serious. I was raised on Disney movies, milk and honey. I didn’t like conflict and I couldn’t handle confrontation. I was massively socially scared and awkward during school. So I spent most of my time being introverted or attention seeking and digging myself a deeper social hole. The deeper I fell the more engrained my self-inflicted social retardation became

Because I didn’t live in the moment and in the social interaction I lived in reaction, very soon I was shunned because I was always playing social catch-up and not offering value. I hung with the cool kids though because I was involved in lots of sports. But because I wasn’t usually involved in the conversation I had huge amounts of time to quietly think to myself. This spawned a consciousness of social self awareness and an intense interest in analysing social dynamics.

So instead of developing a sense of the social world and its intricacies I saw other people talking and I because an expert of standing outside the circle and a master of being inside my head. These times spent inside my head lead to formation of a strong ‘little bitch’ ego. Pretending to be a chode. With decades of practice I was soon an absolute pro at watching desperately from the outside of a conversation all the while cultivating a larger than normal cognitive capacity to think about social interactions.

Interestingly, though it may not be relevant, when I was young I was dropped on my head. Yes, as funny as it sounds as an eight month old infant I was dropped down two flights of stairs. I tumbled down sharp steps then over a three foot ledge then kept tumbling to the bottom of the stairwell. I was critically injured and in an unstable conditioned when I was rushed to intensive care unit at the hospital. I fantasize that I have superpowers now like a cartoon character in the sense that my brain would rebuild itself stronger like a muscle would after damage. Maybe the drop did have side effects though? Possibly a little quirkiness or a neurological tolerance to ethanol?

I am told that the doctors told my parents and grandparents that I would be lucky to live. I was the first grandchild of for both sides of my family so I was the centre of everybody’s attention. So this event was a monumental disaster in many people’s lives. It is said that it shaved years off the life of my relative who dropped me. I can’t imagine my parent’s emotional reaction when they watched in horror as their infant fell down several flights of stairs, seeing his head balloon to the size of a basketball and then being told that he would be lucky to live, or live without irreversible brain damage.

Realistically this event probably just resulted in me being babied more and given extra special care, love and attention. The long term results would have it that many extra responsibilities would be taken for me casting me into the mummy’s boy role.

So from parental love and school experiences by the time I was ten I had well and truly developed the lethal combination of negative self image with plenty of cognitive capacity to reaffirm it. This massive cognitive dedication to thinking about my how much I sucked strengthened with religious repetition and as a result my identity of little bitch evolved from embryonic stages into a full grown mummy’s boy.

I remember in primary school the massive frustration of having so much going on in my head and no outlet to vent it. The tension would build up and make me angry and emotional as a little kid. I took it out on other kids. Through the last four years of my grade school I would pick on less fortunate kids. Not even for attention but just because I was frustrated. I would systematically and intelligently make their life a living hell. It was of course because I had bought a living hell onto myself by allowing my thoughts to become so immersed in self dissatisfaction that I forgot what it was to be normal.

Because I had no respect from my peers and because they overtly demonstrated that they had no respect for me I passed it forward. Kicking kids when they were down, spreading rumours about them, breaking their things and stealing their stuff. On the outside I looked like a smiling happy little dude but the older and more self aware I grew the further and further down the pit I fell. The older I got the more brain power I developed and with more brain power came a greater ability to take myself lower and lower.

Socially I was a logical, desperate, attention seeking and validation seeking. But academically I had all this headspace to use. I remember I would yell abuse at teachers in primary school for attention and get separated from the class. As a ten year old I would throw rocks at the substitute teacher while he had his backed turned to the class. He would send me out of the class with a shitload of maths problems to keep me busy. But I would annihilate them immediately and be right back inside openly criticizing the teacher for not giving me more of a challenge. The teacher would accuse me of using a calculator, I would brag to him condescendingly ‘Don’t worry about it, I’m a genius son’.

So by this stage I was well on the path to being self destructive. I remember around the age of ten all the kids would go for sleepover’s on the weekend. Did I get invited? Nope. I would spend many Saturdays and Sundays just wondering around the house. I wasn’t a fun guy to be around, but I understood that I could act fun and deceive people into thinking I was cool for a while. This was even worse because not only was I a social black hole but I was also developing fluctuating authenticity. That would use my brain to be transparently manipulative. Which is even worse.

Clutching at straws I was really losing out in the social stakes. I would have some friends that would be temporarily impressed by my antics but then turn on me pretty quickly when they would realise it was a compensation for a lack of self worth. If I wanted a social life I needed to create a situation where people would have to be friends with me. I realised that playing sports was the answer.

I played in at least three sports teams every season. When I played in a team we all had a common purpose so the friendship was guaranteed. All throughout my childhood and up until the point I went to America to represent Real Social Dynamics playing in sports teams was always my crutch for having a social life.

Sports was good because when I came into a new team the disrespect I had earned for myself previously didn’t exist because of the team situation. Teams were good compared to social situations where I didn’t have anything to offer anyone but neediness and insecurity. Because I was unequivocally convinced I was a substandard person I was never a good player in any team I was in.

I played to ‘not screw up’ instead of having fun and playing to win. I was fit, strong and skilful in the sports I played, anyone could do that, especially me because I had a lot of time on my hands. But because I expected myself to fuck up I would. This made me constantly frustrated with my performances leaving me to think about where I was going wrong for hours. Soon this frustration turned into underhanded physical aggression and dirty play directed at other players.

If I knew then what I know now about inner game now I would have been very good at any sport I committed myself to. The application of what we know about confidence and execution would be invaluable to a professional team or athlete’s performance and consistency. It would give a professional athlete an advantage that no one else would even know existed.

Also, instead of being the player who wanted the ball I would hesitate and let others go before me. I was the calculator who watched and analysed the play of the game and the tactics. With excess cognitive capacity to worry about my lacking social skills I could easily dedicate that same capacity to analysing the game, the players and all the variables involved. This made me an even worse player. I didn’t at all trust myself in the moment and when I did go to execute something in the game then I would be slow, reactive and jerky and usually lose out.

I played most of my time in defensive roles because my coaches realised that when I was under pressure I didn’t have a chance to think and second guess myself. For me and my coaches it was excruciatingly frustrating to have skills, strength and fitness but still come nowhere near my potential. It was all self imposed sabotage resulting from a lack of internal trust. There were days when my Dad would drop me late to the game and I would just be thrust onto the field without a chance to think. On those occasions I played like a champion. When I go back and play again in a few years I will be a very different player.

The time I spent watching the games I wasn’t impacting on and my dedication of headspace to analysing the game lead to the rise of my interest in coaching. I coached football for years and was very good at it. I was a perfect thing, I could think for others, they could execute and I could hide behind that. I was a good football coach. My coaching success and experience qualified me for the job I have now.

Back on the school front I was about to go from primary school to high school. I was enrolled at one of the most prestigious schools in the Southern Hemisphere. After such a torrid primary school experience, albeit self inflicted, I was pretty concerned about starting a new all-boys school with lots of rich kids. On the other hand at least I had a blank slate to start with in terms my reputation. Also, two teammates who I had played football with for years were starting at the same school with me.

The school itself was amazing and to my surprise everyone there was pretty mature and friendly for twelve year old’s. Everyone one came to the school from all over so everyone started equal. In the beginning I had a little honeymoon period of social success in a group with my friends from primary school and a few others from my football team. But sure enough my insecurity, immaturity and neediness became apparent to those who got close enough to get to know me. This was like having the social carrot dangled in front of my face just perpetually just out of reach. The desperation to achieve that social security drove me to more immaturity and neediness forging a reputation for myself that was unfavourable. I was quickly categorized badly by my peers.

Both my teammates who I knew quickly made friends with the cool group of kids. I would orbit the cool group of kids but no one would really talk to me. It was a case of me dreading recess times and trying to get into their group. I tried harder and harder to fit in. I wanted to be invited to the parties that they were having. So I would ask them about their weekends and the parties they went to, drawing attention to the fact that I wasn’t invited.

Things got even worse. People turned on me when one of my teammates started talking condescendingly about me openly. So I found myself in a situation where people hated me who I didn’t even know. So, instead of just being unknown, now I had a shit reputation. Of course due to my immaturity and insecurity I deserved it and I can’t blame any thirteen year old for doing socially aggressive things. Nevertheless this resulted in me hating myself chronically, spending hours and hours wondering why people didn’t like me and further driving myself deeper into my own cesspit of self worthlessness. I had been stabbed in the back by someone I trusted and I relied on.

I had no friends at all at school for three quarters of a year at a time in any young person’s life where social acceptance is the most important thing in the world. While I was becoming more outcast social circles would become stronger and stronger and harder to crack into. I became introverted, sad, angry and depressed. I embraced my outcast identity. I ate myself fat. I compensated by playing heaps of sport and I cried a lot. I had to come to terms with the fact that my old friend had shunned me and given me a fucked up reputation.

I bought straight into the reputation I was told I had and I believed it so much that my identity came to fulfil that reputation the world was projecting onto me. At least it gave me a strong sense of self. I didn’t do anything but study and think excessively about why I was such a piece of shit. I became a stellar student because at least I could do that. I began to identify with my academic results because I was getting some good results due to uncompromised homework time.

I identified myself as being scientific both socially and academically. Weirdly I thought of myself as some kind of scientist of life. I didn’t live life, I just watched from the sidelines thinking a lot about it. With this came a sense of empowerment or control that I though compensated for a lack of happiness. Really I had become a self hating, 13 year old geek with moobs.

At the end of my first year of high school my life was all kinds of sad.

With no friends to occupy my weekends and weeknights and the notion of having girl’s in my life was still beyond my reality. I had plenty of time to become a ‘high achiever’. I would spend hours working out, working on my fitness and working on my sports skills. Working out at the age of thirteen stunted my growth which I really regret because now I am a short-ass. But it did get myself into the prestigious A grade football team at school. With this came some respect and helped me to move away from my bad reputation.

One day I had a gym class in the school gymnasium right before the lunch hour. Some guys from another class had come to the gym early in the lunch hour because they had gym class right after the lunch. I played football with one of the guys who went onto become the school vice-captain. He was, and I think he still is the perfect human being. A genius academically, musically and socially. He was in the school teams for football and cricket and the fastest athlete for all the prestigious events in his group and above. He also won something like six academic awards for difference classes at the graduation dinner.

Only now am I beginning to understand how one person can be so impeccably successful. That day he asked me if I wanted to join in their game of indoor soccer in the gym. Like the other lunch hours I didn’t have anything planned except the books in the library. I accepted. Socially proofed by a very popular dude and with their group having no prior exposure to my reputation I joined in and for the first time I had a proper group of friends.

Most people will never realise how much of a big deal it is to be accepted socially especially after not knowing where I fit in for the past seven years of school life. I could never have known it at the time but because of the events on that day, the meeting of the Scotch Crew, that I would meet Jeffy and Tyler from Real Social Dynamics.

Now, every lunch hour I had a crew to hang with. These guys lived in the same part of the city so now I had someone to catch the train to school with. These guys played basketball and football and cricket so now I had a crew to go to games with and hang out with after. Now I had a crew to talk to about the ideas of girls with. Life was pretty fucking sweet.

All the while I was a loner I had a mind that was ultra creative and adventurous. I wanted to do things, take risks, grow, adventure and push the limits. Now that I had peers to do that with I was inspired. Because I was coming from a headspace I self hate I didn’t care about rules and standards anywhere near as much as they did so my antics were very entertaining. We were all into the high achievement thing and we would compete with each other academically and compete alongside one another in sports.

Also, at a time in life when so much is new and exciting to have someone to share all the new experiences with is pretty amazing. Every day of a thirteen year olds life leaves him in awe of the world, what he is capable of and in wonder of what is possible. It’s a magical stage in life and for me it was that much more intense in contrast with the previous decade of sadness. As a kid, to have friends, play sports and go to an awesome school is pretty much the pinnacle of fulfilment. I didn’t have a care in the world. For the first time in the life I was happy.

I had developed so much headspace to dedicate to whatever I wanted. Now I was extremely happy. I was playing very well in the second best cricket team at school with my crew and I played social basketball every weekend with my friends. Most importantly I was playing in the prestigious A grade football team at school. With the onset of a positive perspective on life I even began to get better at the sports I played. With that newfound success came a massive newfound happiness through fulfilment of finally capitalising on all the extra training hours I had put in.

In my second year of high school I was selected to be in the accelerated mathematics class along with the guys in my Scotch crew. On the academic front I was acing all of my classes and I even ended the first semester of my second year of high school by getting straight A grades in 6 of my eight classes. In the other classes I would get High B’s, but those classes were Religious Education and Music Class so it didn’t really matter.

Life was better than good and getting more exiting. At this school I was on a path to becoming a school leader which is a very prestigious position to occupy and a golden ticket into any job after school. Years later most of the Scotch Crew became school leaders. Academically I was on par to get into the college Psychology Course that I’d had my heart set on since I was ten years old.

I had gone through the dark times and I had learnt from them. Now it was smooth sailing in socially exiting style. At this rate I was going to become the psychologist that I always wanted to be, maybe if I grew taller I could play football seriously as well? The opportunities were there and I was ready to take them. Life was going to be ok.

Then, just as I was reaching the point where the negativity and and self inflicted sadness had almost faded completely from my mind, I was robbed. My self-worth was pulled out from under my feet and the future I had planned for was taken from me, never to be obtainable again.

After finally settling into somewhere in life and finally getting an awesome social circle and finally having my academic potential nurtured at school, life was turned upside down by numerous family based events.

We had originally moved to the city of Melbourne when my Dad was promoted in his job. I lived in Brisbane until I was eight then I moved to Melbourne and stayed there until I was 13. My Dad was a very good industrial chemist but due to a merger he has been laid off and all of a sudden the twenty-thousand dollars per year school tuition fees became insurmountable. Plus I had two younger brothers who would require the same investment when they came along to school.

As fate would have it, if my Dad didn’t get laid off that year in the future I never would have been able to earn the money to invest in bootcamp.

At the same time my mother parents’ heath was declining. They lived in my hometown of Brisbane where living was generally cheaper especially for private school fees. So to afford school fees and to move back closer to support my relatives we planned to move at the end of the year. What this meant for me was being abducted from my perfect situation that I had been through so much to achieve. However I had no idea how badly this move would impact on my life. It was soon after I moved that the leverage part of my story began.

As well as the move the job situation put our family under a lot of stress. At the same time I was becoming a teenager and had to deal with all the headaches that come with that. It was hard enough moving back to a city where old bonds had withered away but to add duress to my situation my Dad had decided to start his own business.

Since the time Dad started his first business in his field of expertise it was very touch and go. Of course when you start a business you have to expect to go hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt. I remember the combined stress of running a family, putting three children though expensive private school and going into massive debt to run a business caused a lot of stress in my family which I felt I beared a lot of.

This is not to mention the risk involved with not knowing how successful a new business will be. So Dad stepped up his workload to make it happen for our family. Mum did the same. So instead of having the Dad I used to be able to play sport with and a mum I could talk to it got to a stage where I felt neglected. Of course I reacted by regressing back to the victim bitch I used to be and this only worsened the situation.

As it turned out, in spite of my Dad’s superhuman work ethic and enthusiasm to make his new business work he was the victim of corporate sabotage. While he didn’t know it at the time colleagues were sabotaging his business and interfere with his prospective clients. This meant that for a few years he would work his hands to the bone and make no progress and the accumulation of even more debt. At the time this was a disaster for me because the Dad figure was caught up in so much work. I was lost at the best of times but this didn’t help. Years later he started another business which is now inspiringly successful.

Now he lives with my family in the richest suburb of the city and he has not one, but four Mercedes Benz and a four wheel drive in his driveway. His work ethic and success is an example of extreme work ethic and a heroic victory of an underdog that inspires me all the time. I’d think to think that hard work is part of my identity as well.

But at the time when I moved back to Brisbane my Dad’s business success was still a decade away. At the time we moved back we were suffering from serious financial scarcity. I was one of the kids at a private school who didn’t have the same possessions or do the things the same cool things as the other kids. Starting at a new school was suicidal torment and pure misery. Stress on the home front rounded out my daily life.

When I moved states there is a difference in the education system. The age someone starts school at in different states is different by one year. So, when I moved to Brisbane I would have to go from year eight straight into year ten to stay with my same age group. When we saw the teacher at the new school he warned my parents and I that I would have trouble keeping up and I would be effectively ‘accelerating past a grade’. But my academic results at my former school were stellar where I was one of the highest academic achievers in my class. So we all thought that I could handle skipping a year of school.

If it wasn’t simply bad enough that I had to start at a new school where I knew no one there were several other factors stacked against me.

Firstly I lost a year of relative maturity. By going into a grade where everyone else was accustomed to a higher academic workload than me I was acutely immature by comparison. I had trouble managing the sudden onslaught of homework that I couldn’t understand. My social skills and sense of self worth didn’t have the most stable history. Having a maturity and experience disadvantage wasn’t an advantage at a new school.

Also, people from Brisbane generally don’t like people from Melbourne. I was reminded of this daily.

Also, at the time I moved to the city of Brisbane no one played Australian rules football there. My one ace up my sleeve at my former school was that I was a good football player in a school where football was religion. But in Brisbane the dominant sport was rugby. Australian Rules was not just a minority sport but it was verbally hated on by everyone. Conversationally the Australian Rules is known as A.F.L. Conversationally in Brisbane Australian Rules is called Gay. F. L. I played ‘Gay F. L.’ which made me gay.

By year ten students have formed extremely solid cliques with which they identify strongly with. By identifying with a clique they develop a competitive hate for those from other cliques. If you weren’t accepted by one group or another you were left to be ostracised by every clique making it harder and harder to be accepted into one.

Also, around the age of fourteen is the time when boys start to realise their physical strength. This is expressed by wrestling and fighting. Brisbane is one of the most violent cities in Australia especially due to the rugby culture. Every class I was in I would be mercilessly hit or beat or punched until my bruises had bruises and I couldn’t use that part of my body anymore.

When I got to school at the start of the year it was cricket season. In my grade there were about five teams graded A through to E. At my old school I just payed for fun. After try-outs at my new school I was put straight into the A cricket team. This should have been something to celebrate because the A cricket team is an indicator of status. Unfortunately this meant that a popular player from last year’s team was dropped from the team when I replaced him.

I wasn’t an A grade player at the time and I would always make mistakes cost the team when I played. So the other very alpha guys in the team would hate on me and take it out on me at practise. Because I had no idea how to bat I would always have to practise. At which time the guys who had accelerated though puberty to the point that they were man-children would bowl rock hard cricket balls at me faster than I had a chance to react. At practise I got laughed at as I was a mannequin on a firing range. I would go home aching, bruised on my chest, back and groin.

The one thing I had going for me at my old school was my academics. When I changed schools and skipped a grade I found that I couldn’t do any maths at all. I went from being an A+ maths student to an E grade failing maths student. With extensive tutoring I could get the occasional C grade but it was too expensive to keep up especially when I wasn’t producing results. In the other classes the teachers simply didn’t give a shit and my A grades my old school became D’s grades at my new school. I spent most of my classes defending myself against being beat by other students. Soon enough I realised that I couldn’t possibly make up the grade skip and I just stopped trying. After the grade skip there was no way I was going to get into the psychology course at university that I wanted to. I wasn’t going to get the university entry score I needed so I just gave up altogether.

Also, my last name is Treasure. This is another disadvantage to start at a new, ultra competitive all boys school with. But what was worse, and I still cannot believe that the school teacher did this, was that on my first day at the new school, when the teacher called my name during roll call, my teacher actually made fun of my name in front of the whole class. Saying things like “You are a newfound treasure for this school” and asking me if I was “mummy’s little treasure?” in front of everyone. A situation cannot get any worse when the teacher is the one to publicly belittle you in front of thirty blood thirsty adolescent peers.

If all that wasn’t enough to make life at my new school unbearable at least I had the one saving grace of starting with a blank slate. I go in fresh and be able to project myself the way I wanted and retain the things that people might interpret negatively. But, as it happened before I even got to the school the guys from the most influential social group in my school knew all the bad things about me and had a bad opinion of me. I never had a chance from day one.

My parents had an old social network in the city we were moving to and in that social network were parents of kids going to my school. Of that network my parents strongest social contact was with the parents of the most popular guy in school and the most successful athlete. So, with awesome initiative and awesome intentions (and I do mean that) they set out to organise for me to meet some of the guys from my school before I went there so I would have some friends to start off with. In theory, a perfectly good idea.

But a ‘play date’ that is organised by parents for two thirteen year old boys was never going to be a ‘cool’ thing. Imagine being the coolest kid in school and being told that you have to go and hang out with a random stranger you have very little in common with. A stranger who is vastly less mature than you. No thirteen year old will be enthusiastic about that. Combining the cool guy’s generally negative disposition, my negative disposition towards moving cites, my insecurity and neediness that I sucked out of him and the entire homosexuality of a thirteen year old pay date all culminated in the result of me making a very bad impression. This guy even played in my cricket team when I started at school. The guy told everyone at the new school about me and how gay the whole situation was and gave me a well known bad name before I even got to the school.

I can’t blame my parents for acting out of good intentions and trying to help me out. I can’t blame the guy for not wanting to be my boyfriend as organised by my parents, especially when it was so forced and I sucked so hard at the time. I can’t blame myself for being a fucking victim bitch at the time because I didn’t know any other reality. And anyway, I was getting a stronger and stronger ‘why me’, ‘life’s not fair’, ‘I’m so poorly done by’ reality every day. By now I was a seasoned bitch. Life from the point of the move was always going to drastically set me off on a fucked up course in life.

Even though intentions were good it didn’t change the fact that I had a fucked up life on a day to day basis. Nothing to hope for and that same desperation being shoved back into my face repeatedly. I had the shit kicked out of my enthusiasm for being alive.

In summary, at the time I had been pulled out of a perfect situation socially and academically where I had friends and I could get to university. Then I was dropped into a hovel of a school, where people didn’t like where I came from. I had bad social skills to start with so I couldn’t break into a clique which was intensified by one of the most influential people in the grade tarnishing my name before I even got there. My two best traits, academia and football, the things I identified with, were taken from me. I had no friends, no sense of self, nothing good going for me, I was getting fatter, getting intense acne and being injured daily. And I had pretty much never spoken to a girl, but I would have never even thought that possible coming from my mindset.

In hindsight, all of this was my fault. My lack of initiative and responsibility was my fault. But no one told me that at the time. Those sorts of ideas were beyond my comprehension.

So, the first year at that school was a very dark time. In a time where I wanted someone to care, no one did. Instead I was belittled and antagonised. I spent lunch times sitting on my own. I tried to study at lunch times but I couldn’t cope with the work I was doing. So I walked around on my own or sat on my own reading. People pitted me in fights against other students which meant new lows for me and a bruised skull. I started cutting my arms, carving words like ‘fuck’ or ‘suicide’ into the backs of my arms. I tried playing new sports but I was very bad due to inexperience. Especially in rugby where it was a physical free-for-all that I wasn’t built for. I was a very lost kid at that time.

About three quarters of the way through that first year at the school I was riding a bus home sitting on my own. A little kid started talking to me. He was about eight years old I think. He told me he lived near my house and that he had a sister who is pretty. He gave me her email address and I added her on online messenger. That night I met up with her and her friends at her house. That is where I met the girl that would give me ‘direction’ for the next six years in my life. The first girl I wrote about in my leverage story.

From this meeting did come some sort of a social life. After having no one else to talk about and no other hobbies to engage in this girl became the centre of my world because my world was empty.

I spent countless teenaged Saturday nights sitting on online messenger or just wandering aimlessly through my house. While I wondered around the house my parents would even ask me why I wasn’t out partying or at least hanging out with people. Because of the patterns I had become so routine I looked at everyone else as above me. Due to the intense repetition of bad social experiences I developed a very strong reality of ‘I am lesser than other people’ and it inevitably became a self fulfilling prophecy that people would think they are above me. Exactly where my strong reality had put them.

While this was ultimately a value taking disposition it made me humble. About three quarters of the way into my first year I had taken so many beatings and taken so many verbal abusing that I simply ceased to give a fuck anymore.

I distinctly remember dreading going into English class one day where I would take the majority of my beatings and verbal abuse but I just didn’t have any heart left to defend myself or even care. It was like I wanted to be hurt. I just embraced what I was for the first time. Nothing. Little did I know it at the time, but when I embraced the identity of nothing I became inherently cool. When I stopped defending myself, when I stopped caring, when I felt no more anxiety, I stopped projecting the mummy’s boy reality and I became cool.

In hindsight I can so clearly understand why I had such a torrid life a teenager. Perception is projection. I validated the negative attention I drew on myself, I expected to be hated on, I was sorry for who I was and what I did. Given the excessive headspace I had developed from having no friends my perceptions grew into a strong and influential reality. An influential reality that begged people to hate and disrespect me. A reality that begged people to think I had a reason to be sorry for myself. I had built a strong and influential reality that assumed that people wouldn’t like me. So they didn’t.

When I embraced that I was nothing it was a temporary fix. I stopped expecting negative attention, so I stopped getting negative attention. But I could only have achieved this after hitting rock bottom midway through that first year. The human psyches self corrects. If you are too low you cease to care and begin to offer value again, if you are too high your ego is venerable to bruising and you become humble again.

That day in English class was the first of a few events that would see me develop some friends and a social circle. This time though I had been through events that put me into a headspace where I viewed any social success as a bonus. I had also made harmony with the fact that at any minute I could be alone again. Having lived so much of my life in perceived social isolation and living so long perceiving myself as being worthless I had come into harmony with these ideas. I no longer projected the ‘I suck’ ego, I just didn’t care about anything. I was cool. For a while.

Hitting this point of absolute indifference would sow the seed of recklessness that would inspire the many, many stupid, risky and self destructive things that would become a staple of my future everyday existence.

In this indifferent mindset at the time I was more relaxed and willing to take risks. I had the life purpose of making the girl I met my girlfriend. And to my great joy, after rugby season was over there was an Australian Rules season at school. I played in the A team and contributed a lot. Being a very sports oriented school this won me some respect. So I generally conducted myself with a positive and indifferent demeanour. Positivity attracts positivity.

Taking the bus home one day I realised that every day I was travelling to school with a guy who I played in the A cricket team with. He was also playing in the A football team with me at the time so we started talking shit on the way to and from school. Since I started school ten months earlier my bad reputation had faded somewhat. Soon I went over to their clique of four or five dudes where I was welcomed with open arms.

The clique was a group of high achievers, the Brisbane version of the Scotch Crew clique I had in Melbourne. Now, again I had some friends, and for once in my life is was in a happy and indifferent headspace where I offered plenty of value. Two of the guys were South African and new to the school as well. Compared to the shit I had endured for the previous 10 month to have likeminded people to talk to, even just to have someone to talk to, can put you on top of the world.

Being on top of the world due to this was a bad thing. As a guy who had a strong history of having his reality defined by the external world these positive expectations grew beyond my control. For a month or two everything was good and fun. But I couldn’t keep it up. It was kind of like a honeymoon. This fun reality where I had friends wasn’t the me I had always known. After a few months I was back on the downward spiral again. Two of the biggest self sabotaging acts I performed were making fucked up jokes at the expense of the guy who stuck his neck out an invited me into his clique. I made a Jokes about his girlfriend and his little sister. He didn’t forgive me for a long time and reminded me f what a bad dude I was. I had effectively sabotaged a good situation. What was a taste of popularity soon saw me cast aside in the group to the point where I wouldn’t participate, I would just hover around the group and say nothing.

I realise in hindsight that I was so used to being rejected and walked all over and excluded that when I did actually get accepted and invited places my reality simply rejected it. I remember feeling really uncomfortable just hanging out and chatting with the crew. In situations where people just relax and chill out I would do overt self sabotaging attention seeking things. This reality snap back is a very real thing for anyone coming from deeply ingrained negative patterns and then all of a sudden finds themself to be happy. This is a complete mind fuck to me today. I had no chance of comprehending my extremely frustrating self sabotaging behaviour back then when I was fifteen.

During my little social honeymoon period, before I sabotaged myself, I had a chance to branch out and meet lots of girls. The good thing about not playing by the rules and confines of a particular clique is you are free to be expressively manoeuvrable and socially versatile. When I met girls at that age I was indifferent in life and carefree because of it. At the same time I was unhealthily obsessed with the girl I met when I was thirteen so I didn’t care at all about trying to impress these other girls. I made a lot of female friends because I was a carefree, risk taking, self destructive and emotionally extreme guy. They might have thought I was unique, which would have been true, but unique for the wrong reasons.

Whenever I met a girl I would almost instantly get into a free flowing comfortable deep and meaningful conversations about girl to guy dynamics. Because I had no real prior exposure to girls, and no guys to tell me that girls were out of my league I could talk honestly and openly to any girl except the one I was obsessed with. I would talk for hours on end to lots of girls about the girl I liked, emotions, attraction theories, psychology and love. Chick crack.

The girls who were fourteen and fifteen themselves loved this. I was a heterosexual version of the classic ‘hot girls homosexual friend’ to them. Fuelled with passion I couldn’t stop talking about girls and emotion mechanics in a constant mental struggle to try and figure out how to get the girl I was obsessed with to like me. I still dedicated massive headspace to thinking about the delicate intricacies of relationship dynamics and because I always bought drama on myself with self sabotaging and risky behaviours I was always had interesting stories to tell.

My life between the age of fourteen and twenty-one was lived though the medium of online messenger. Even now, when I hear the alert noises from the very earliest versions of the program it instantly throws me back into the lightless mind-prison I used to slave to. I would spend hours after school every night talking to any girl online about social dynamics, gossip and my ongoing drama I had with the girl I was obsessed with. I spent more than five years talking about social dynamics online with hundreds of girls for hours at a time.

I gained a better understanding of social dynamics from those thousands of conversations than more people learn in a life time. I still have many of the developmentally pivotal conversations of my life printed and stored safely in my house. But from all these understandings I gained from spending so much time thinking about the topic, as thorough understanding as they were, it was still just an understanding. It wasn’t experience.

Once I had made a compounding network of female friends that I could talk to online my lack of social popularity in the real world was displaced. I didn’t really have any guy friends in the real world but it didn’t matter. I rode buses to school with girls, wrote emails to girls at school at lunchtime, I chatted to them online while I was at school, rode the bus home with girls then spent hours talking to them online at night. I would add their friends and chat to them as well. There is a handful of girls who played a massive part in helping me survive my self-inflicted agonising teenaged life.

Meanwhile my academic life was back on track. The second year at my new school was the first of my two senior years so I got to choose specialised subjects. Unlike the year before where classes were a continuation from the years I missed before. Now I could keep up with school work and I actually enjoyed my classes. They were biology, physical education (gym class), IT, and Business- Technology. A bit of everything but biology was clearly my favourite.

Due to my abysmal academic results and general self hate the year before, my dad had laid out an incentive for hard work that would be measured in terms of the grades I scored in the next semester. Regaining my love of academia with my selected classes and having burnt my social bridges with guys at school (except for a few) I was again right back into high achiever mode.

The academic incentive was that if I could score all B grades in five subjects then my dad would spend $1,000 on audio equipment for me. After kicking some ass, I got the grades. In 2001 Dad took me down to ‘cash converters’ (a pawn broker) and bought me two concert grade duel 14 inch cone stage speakers. I still have them today. They are so powerful they can be heard from more than five kilometres away on a clear night.

During the times I was speaking to girls online I would be running Napster and limewire collecting thousands of MP3’s. I would trade collections via external drives with friends. At the time I was awarded the speakers by my dad I had collected about 11,000 of the hottest and coolest party MP3’s. All through the confusion of my high school times I would always be thinking intensely, planning and scheming because I didn’t trust that I alone were enough to make friends. I was hatching a master plan to gain instant and elite social status at my school.

The clique I was hanging out with broke apart, the guys who were left in it didn’t respect me which I deserved. So, at lunch time I would just go to where we sat and sit quietly thinking intensely to myself all the time scared to talk. I feared being shot down for saying something stupid and getting myself kicked out of remnants of the group. I didn’t go out on Saturday nights, and besides my one bus friend Reubs I didn’t have any life except for talking to girls online at night about the girl I was obsessed with.

Even though I had low self worth for most of my life, very limited social experience and had done bad damage to my status I planned to become the coolest person in the school. I had a brain and I was scheming with it.

With my computer and stage speakers I decided I was going to host the party to end all parties. I was the kid at school who had no friends who decided to throw parties to make friends. At the time I hated my parents and naively blamed my lack of girlfriend and lack of friends on them and adopted a passive aggressive mindset towards them. I convinced my parents to have a party. They didn’t know the possible damage and destruction that can happen to a house under siege by hundreds of drunken hormonal teenagers.

I didn’t care what happened to the house because I didn’t give a fuck about anything and I hated myself and my family at the time. It would be cool being the host of the party because that way people would have to be my friends. But more importantly I thought if I created a situation where the girl I obsessed over saw me as the ‘guy to know’ at a party I would finally get the girl.

For people that age house parties are a scarce and valuable event. At the point of announcement I had people coming up to me at school that I didn’t even know introducing themselves and being friendly. This was cool I thought. I was giving value to people. By this stage I was so convinced that people didn’t like me that I stopped trying to manage it. I knew that I couldn’t trust anyone or expect anything back from people for anything generous I did for them. So I shifted my energies towards constructive voluntary things like throwing parties. With this came an exciting and new sense of intense satisfaction. I didn’t have anything to show for doing generous things. But more importantly I had a satisfaction that I had never known when I did something cool for other people.

These voluntary efforts grew from this point onwards. I worked on the school dance committee, did charity work, wrote for the school magazine and did excessive volunteer coaching. I got nothing from these things except the satisfaction of adding value to others’ lives.

So with my speakers, the empty estate surrounding my parents house and more than 200 drunken hormonal teenagers I threw an awesome party. I was the guy to know that night, nothing serious was wrecked but we had a five dollar cover charge to cover damages. I was actually the ‘it guy’ at the party and it was awesome. I went from nothing to everything on that night. It was a perfect situation that felt right. I wasn’t trying to fit in anywhere, I was just doing something good and having fun.

Only thing was, the girl I was obsessed with didn’t come. Her friends came. She didn’t come.

Her absence drove me even crazier. After that party I realised that I would need to become even more popular if I was going to win her heart. So I took a number of actions. I volunteered to mobilize my audio equipment so I would get invited to every party in the role of ‘DJ’. This happened and over the next two years of high school I took responsibility for the music at almost every party I went to. Co-incidentally I was only getting invited to parties I was doing the music for. The girl I was obsessed with never once came to any of these parties.

I started to learn poetry to write and send to the girl I was obsessed with. I didn’t ever actually send her any, I would just harass her with excessive emails. But I did send her flowers on various occasions in true Walt Disney style. At the parties I would go to and online I would make close friends with her friends. Her friends knew me as an openly confident guy who was at all the parties where I was responsible for the music. But this good impression never rubbed off onto the girl I was obsessed with. All the failed efforts only made me crazier and crazier about her. It made me think more about how to get her. The more I loved this girl, or the idea of cherishing her tenderly in the night, the more I cared less about the other girls swirling around at the parties I went to.

So on weekends I found myself in an interesting situation. It go to the point where it was just assumed that I would bring the music to the parties I went to so I was almost always the DJ when I was at a party. I was getting to know everyone online and at the parties on the weekend and getting a reputation of a nice guy because I talked to all the girls about the girl I was obsessed with. I didn’t exactly have a solid group of friends so I wasn’t socially stifled by the standards of a clique which left me without anyone to impress or answer to.

So when girls met me at these parties, I would be talking to everyone and socially proofed through the roof, they would have heard about me from word of mouth from their friends I talked to online (and a memorable last name), in very good physical shape from lack-of-social-life-excessive-gym-time, comfortable in the environment having been the first one to get to the party, emotionally indifferent to the new girls I met and indifferent to how attractive they were. When I was young and sober I had no confidence because I over analysed and second guessed everything. My discovery of alcohol was the ignition of immaculate state and the conception of nimbus.

I started getting paid to bring my music to the parties. Another privilege I got was free alcohol all night from the hosts. Drunk and in a position of authority and contextual status I found myself surrounded by scorching hot, drunken teenaged private school girls who knew me but whom I had never met. They would come and sit on my lap and do attention seeking things. It never crossed my mind that girls were on a pedestal, except for my unobtainable one-gina infliction obsession girl. To me, having friends was on a pedestal.

So for me I saw no reason why I couldn’t just kiss these hot girls that were talking to me. We were both horny, I knew that girls got horny because other girls told me these things on the internet. So I didn’t sit around waiting for the girls to ask me to make a move, I just made a move. When I was drunk I would just instinctively take girls by the hand and lead them down to a dark part of the paddock and lie down on the grass with them and hook up.

I remember keeping a track of all the girls I kissed in my second last year of school. I think it was about 55 which is plenty for any guy that age. There would be a lot of ‘second base’ or ‘third base’ situations going on but I didn’t think to actually have sex with any girl because I wanted my first time to be special with obsession girl. There were a lot of girls I would hook up with me in the paddock grass but I would leave them with an unfortunate and painful case of the blue cunt.

As we began to get older the girls started to make a move on me. This would often mean that the girls would just tell me to make a move. I remember my first foray into sex was at a party with a stunningly hot and popular brunette girl who looked somewhat like Natalie Portman. I was running around nimbusing talking to all the girls I knew from the internet. Ultra spontaneous, drunk to the point of numbness and on a collision course either passing out or hurting myself from hazardous behaviour.

I found myself dancing with the drunk babe outside somewhere when she told me her name. I realised it was the same name as the singer of the song so it was justification enough for me to engage my automatic response to these things and lead her into the woods for some ‘second base’ times. The woods were not grassy, it was a dust bowl. Ah well, I couldn’t feel anything nor did I care. So I laid her down in the dust and we started hooking up. She was very enthusiastic.

Soon we were completely naked laying in the lumpy dust bowl. I didn’t know anything about sex and I though the vagina was somewhere at the front of the body so I didn’t go there. Seductively the girl told me that ‘it was ok’ and that she was on the pill. So I started a deep sea exploration mission of wetness and dust with the teenaged babe. My naked body was starting to hurt really badly by this stage and I felt like my skin was crawling. I think I did officially have sex with the girl, but I think it was by her doing, I didn’t know what was going on, but I was amused by the situation. I was confused however as to why my whole body stung and why I felt like my skin was crawling.

Soon the lights came on in the distance and the music stopped. The police had called a halt to the party and we had to find out way home. With the lights on I could now see the girl properly and I realised how pretty she was and how good her body was. I though, I’m going to tell everyone about this and then ask them why its hurts so much.

As we crawled out of the dirt, sweaty and covered in grime I realised the we had laid down on top of a black ant’s nest. I had welts all over my naked body and my skin was crawling with ants the size of quarters. I freaked out and ran to the ice bin for ice and more soothing beer. As my drunkenness wore off the agony kicked in. Over the course of my last year at high school there might have been about eight more instances like this. With no one else to hang out with, I would talk to girls at parties and these sorts of things would happen.

But still, I hated it because none of them were the girl I loved and was obsessed with.

I became a manwhore. I didn’t care about the girls I hooked up with. But I continued to hook up with random girls for two reasons. One, I thought that guys would think I’m cool if I hooked up with lots of girls, which didn’t happen. And two, I thought that if my obsession girl heard about me kissing all these girls that she went to school with then she would get jealous and think I was attractive. This has some influence over my obsession girl but as soon as she asked me about the girls she could clearly tell that I was still madly obsessed with her and kissing them to try and impress her that I’m cool. Nevertheless I gathered a lot of experience getting drunk and hooking up with girls. I didn’t ever have a girlfriend because I wasn’t actually a cool guy, so I would just get lots of practise and proficiency at the meeting and hooking up bit.

So this was my lifestyle going into my senior school year. Parties on weekends and by now I was even getting invited to other parties because I was just on the scene which was kinda cool. I played lots of sport to ensure that I had people around me to compensate for a lack of friends. Sport was also a good way to get myself into shape so I would think that the girls would think I was hot. By keeping busy with sport I didn’t have a chance to face my lack in social confidence and people skills. The rest of the time I was kept busy with senior school academic workload.

While things were going pretty well at the start of the year a few monumentally bad things happened that that tarnished my name so badly that it caused in terrible social repercussions. One night at a party I went early as always to set up my computer and speakers. Then we all had some aspirin to thin our blood to get us more drunk. Then I drank a shitload of rum and fell down some stairs. Vomiting and bleeding everywhere my friends got me naked and threw me into a shower. I missed an awesome party and was paranoid that the guys would hate me for having to look after me all night. Of course me expecting them to hate me for it fulfilled itself and they thought very little of me for it.

One weekend my South African friend’s parents were overseas leaving him with a mansion of a house to himself for the weekend. He decided to throw a massive party. This party was going to be a huge event. It was going to be the balls-out party of the year. He was a rich guy, there would be hundreds of people and alcohol everywhere. It was one of the most anticipated events of the year drawing great hype from our school and all the other schools involved.

At the time I was seventeen years old. But I still had a curfew of midnight ad my parents would always ring the parents of the host of the party to make sure it was ok if I came. Of course when they rang the parents of my friend his parents found out that he was going to have a party and they went berserk at him. He then took that out on me. Which I thought I deserved, so I accepted that I was a piece of shit for my dad making the phone call.

When the party was cancelled there were a whole lot of people calling around and telling each other that I had ruined the party of the year. While its responsible parenting to make those sorts of calls it was delusional to think that it was the right thing to do given the irreparable social repercussions it had on me.

I wrote an anonymous chain email publicly abusing the bitchiest and prissiest girls in our social network. I did this because I thought I could have a Dawson’s Creek style relationship with a girl who lived in my street but she shot me down badly. It was a hilarious email and everyone who read it agreed. Though they weren’t sure that I wrote it I got the blame for it and they proceeded to make an even bigger effort to ruin my reputation than my chain email messed with their reputations. Months later the same girl who had turned me down had a dead possum carcass nailed crucifix style to her front gate by someone else. At least I wasn’t the only one retaliating to her egocentric ways.

One night at a school dance I got wasted drunk and got emotional. I was going around telling people about my insecurities while they were sober. Enough said.

But the worst thing was a scandal where a group of us effectively dobbed in one of the guys in our clique to the heads of school. This devious act resulted in the victim of our backstabbing getting into massive trouble with the school. When it was discovered that I was involved it incurred massive social backlash and hatred.

The whole scandal thing started one night when I was at my bus friend’s house. In our clique at the time there was maybe seven guys. One of which was getting massively bullied by another guy in our group. This same guy doing the bullying was also planning to meet up with my bus friend’s girlfriend in the Myer change rooms so she could suck his dick to spite my bus friend. Furthermore he had stolen one of the teachers network passwords giving him access to student’s records where he could do things like manipulate grade scores.

That night at my friend’s house another guy in our group told my bus friend that he was getting sick of the bullshit that this bully was pulling. He suggested to my friend that they two of them, and the main target of this guy’s bullying should go and report all this drama to the heads of school. This was a pretty righteous, and honourable thing to voluntarily do, especially if those guys got caught. But it was at a time when the very prestigious school leadership group was about to be elected by the students and teachers of the school. Besides helping out the bully, they had extra motivation to be seen as upstanding citizens of the school. Because I was also getting negative attention from the bully and I was witness to the conversation I couldn’t avoid getting involved with the backstabbing scandal. Not that I would have wanted to avoid doing something eventful like that at the time.

So we went to see the school councillor, the deputy headmaster and the teachers of the bully and his target. Of course the school took this extremely seriously. The guy who was the target of the bully had a hard life at that school. People would kick him, yell abuse at his face and make his life a living hell. I never thought I could be a part of the schools leadership group. I knew what that guy was going through and I felt or him. I wanted to help him and do a good thing, I wouldn’t get anything else from being involved in the situation, but the two other guys went on to become the school leaders they wanted to be.

After we spoke to the teachers the bully got a massive punishment and was denied the chance to become a leader of the school which was a really big deal at the time. When the teachers spoke to him they told him all the things they knew he had done. He realised instantly that someone had dobbed him in, and not just the guy on the receiving end of his belittling. They never suspected me because I didn’t have anything against the bully except that he spoke down to me, which a lot of people did. The others weren’t suspected either because they had plenty of social integrity. He got punished by the school and so did a few others. But they had no idea who had talked and backstabbed everyone by going to the staff. I was part of the immediate discussion about the fucked up things those convicted guys were going to those who were responsible for dobbing them in.

Even though we stuck our necks out for this guy he ended up changing schools anyway. He was just that miserable and I really felt for him. In his darkest hours I would hang out with him and stay at his house so he would have company. I was there for him and helped him morally wherever I could. My fragile reputation was tarnished even further just for spending time with him.

After he left the school he still had contact with everyone via online messenger. A few months after he left school he went online and told everyone that it was me who dobbed in the bully. Even after I was there for him when he was depressive and suicidal. To add insult to insult he even dated and hooked up with the girl I was obsessed with just to spite me. He told me how she sucked his dick, but she told me that when she did he couldn’t get a boner. What a fuckhead.

This was so shocking to me that I couldn’t even comprehend it. I wasn’t even angered by the situation, just upset about people as a whole. After that incident, and dad calling the parents of former friend having the party and the whole backstabbing the bully to the teachers of the school I lost all trust in all people. I still didn’t trust myself. But I never made the mistake of trusting people again.

The fuckhead thought that because he changed school he could talk shit online and not have to worry about anything. Because he had launched an offensive on some of the thugs of the school they came after him. From what I hear from girls he knows he’s bought a lot onto himself from those guys.

Towards the end of my school year I had again bought myself down with repeated stupidity and self sabotaging behaviours. To make matters worse, academically I was never going to come close to getting into the course I wanted. But one day the university came to the school to offer students the opportunity to study one university course while they were still at school. If you could pass that course you would get instant entry into the prestigious psychology course at the cities most prestigious university.

I thought of myself so lucky to have an opportunity like this after being fucked over so badly when I moved to my new school from my old school. So I jumped at the chance to take up the offer and organised for my parents to come to school to authorise my commitment. When they got there and we discussed this with the school for some reason they thought that I shouldn’t take this opportunity but instead continue with my studies from school and try and get the unobtainable university entry score I needed to get into that course.

I still don’t know why they thought it was the right thing to do to deny me a golden opportunity to do what I always wanted to do. Of course because I had no faith in myself so I didn’t question them. I continued to be academically mediocre.

In my final year of school I thought I had an ok social life because of the DJ thing and I always had people around me because I played every sport I could possibly fit into my schedule. But I still wasn’t any closer to getting the girl I was still obsessed with.

There were a couple of harsh occasions when my social isolation and ineptitude was bought out from beyond my blindspots and shoved into my face. Times when I had to face the fact that people didn’t like me. On the night of our formal (prom) the group of guys I hung with at lunch time went ahead and organised a table without me. Leaving me and my partner, the girl I was obsessed with, with no one to sit with. We ended up sitting with one of her friends who was going with a guy from school.

I didn’t get invited to the formal after party which is like the ‘party at the lake after the prom’. The others guys from the group I hung out with were invited except for myself. So I organised to throw a massive party the week before the formal to give myself leverage to ask for an invitation to the formal afterparty. With some bribing and persistence I got two expensive tickets to the afterparty. But then, my obsession girl left me half way through the night to go home. I went alone to the party and passed out in the dirt after drinking myself unconscious.

On the last ever day of school everyone had plans to go drinking, or dye their hair for the holidays or go to the beach and party or whatever. I had no plans and no invitations. I just went home on my own on the last day of school. On that occasion I remember I think I cried.

And to round out the Australian high school experience we have schoolies. Schoolies is a festival where tens of thousands of high school graduates go to the Gold Coast to celebrate finishing school, get drunk, party and have sex all week. The guys in my group all organised their room and didn’t even tell me what their plans were going to be so I wouldn’t stay in the same building as them. They made an effort to neglect me.

In the end another guy and I stayed with some guys who we hardly knew with very different values to us. One of them even stole my extremely expensive minidisc player. Everyone else spent the week partying in their buildings with their friends and hooking up with girls, having sex and getting drunk. My friend and I just chilled a bit, got drunk in the room on our own and failed miserably trying to hook up with girls. Oh, but I did sleep with a fat white trash bogan. I freaked out half way through the experience and ran out of the room leaving the condom in someone’s packed clothes dryer.

What should have been the best week of my life was a fitting anti-climax to my school life.

Soon afterwards I got my university exist score in the mail. It was considerably worse than what I had expected because of the initial lag in grades when I changed schools. Had I have taken the opportunity the university provided it wouldn’t have mattered and I would have got straight into the course I always dreamt of. My score was 40% lower than what I needed to get into my course.

Receiving my school exist score bought down the curtain on the horror show that was the nurturing cradle of the impressionable span of my young life.

The patterns were inescapable. I was what I was.

I endured school belittled. I started the real world less.

Alexander~

…

To be continued.

More than 23 years in the making and several software and hardware catastrophes later it has come to fruition perfectly.

Originally I wanted to focus on video media but realised it wasn’t possible with a mere laptop. So i went into boggin and writing and the blog has been on fire this year. But, here in Sydney I have afforded myself a computer for gaming and production purposes and this production is the result.

The video basically summarises my 2008. Where ever I went I would see people dancing and I would be quick to film it. Also, a lot of the time I would be dancing around, so I filmed that too.

Another highlight of the year were the troublesome times. Basically this means the nation of France which I will write about soon. But other lowlights included a repercussive gay bar in Sweden, a gay guy trying to seduce me in Montreal (France-ish) and of course the Westin hotels.

Then, I was shipped off to the torrid Euro-tour of darkness and Transylvania. But, as hard as it was I made it through and had an awesome time and grew beyond belief.

As SUMANOVA rolled around it was all-systems-go in the sun with the crew in the Mediterranean and on the beautiful beaches of Sydney. Plenty of drunken girl associated adventures happening there.

Which brings me to the secondary purpose of my life and my primary hobby. Girls. Two highlights in terms of girls this year. Cherish. And secondly more girls than I could ever imagine. Gorgeous girls. The hottest was Iceland, then Sweden, then Canada, then America, then Australia.

And finally the purpose of my life. My path: my students. This year I have met and worked with more amazing people then I have ever known. I am proud to have been a part of the lives of all of the students that graduate from bootcamp. Right now, over the Christmas and New Year holiday season they are wreaking havoc representing the Alexander~ team.

And in thanks to my esteemed colleagues you guys inspire me to greatness and compel me to act humorously and entertain you with stupidity. Most thanks goes to Jeffy, Ryan, Brad, Saad and Derrick. Ryan, Saad and Brad are like my brothers. Derrick and Jeffy find themselves in a position where they kind of take the role of hesitant father to me.

Much love to my instructor assistants. You guys are the shit. Especially ze Swan, the hero of the blog. My crew here in Australia. James are the hot shit interns. Nadar and Jedi, you guys know the real meaning of the word minger.

And last but most importantly to cherish. Heartbreaking times. You know that I love you.

But a man has a mission. Nothing will ever compromise that.

My mission involves lots and lots of girls. The two cannot go together now.

Enjoy…in fullscreen.

Watch out ‘2009′.

Alexander~

The golden rule of natural game is: “whatever you feel, she feels.”

Welcome to the natural game article that is the basis of everything you do in your socio-emotional life. It is important to note the golden rule of natural game is at the root of everything in natural game and not a tactic that you can ‘deploy or implement’.

The golden rule of natural game is deeper than that. It’s not a move or a routine, it a deep core phenomenon that will govern whether anything you say will ‘work’. The golden rule is the ultimate and defining factor behind whether or not you ‘get the girl’. A = HV + E, If you feel good you are attractive because you offer good emotions. This come when you re alignment with your natural self with is inherently high value.

As a result of hundreds of internal and external emotional stimuli you have gone through the word experiencing many different emotional feelings. Most of the time these confuse and overwhelm you causing you to feel horrible and ‘out of control’. These feelings steadily erode your happiness in life. This includes eroding your success in the game, your social life and with women.

When I refer to “whatever you feel” I mean the emotional feeling you experience during the interaction combined with the thoughts that influence your emotional state. Basically, how you feel and what you think.

Broken down even further, “whatever you feel” is the sensation your body and unconscious is exposing your conscious to and what your reticular activation system (you conscious attention) is focused on.

Two separate things that will be individually examined, but both are intricately and unavoidably linked. If you don’t take responsibility for feel your body and conscious mind can overpower you and control how you feel. Or you can implement will power and take responsibility for how you want to feel.

When I refer to “she feels” in reference to “whatever you feel” I mean what emotional state you influence the girl with and the impression that you consciously make on her. Simply, how you make her feel and what conclusion she will form about you.

Some of the variables that govern what you feel are the following: State, frame, ego, self esteem, your biology, your current physical status, your expectations of yourself, your perception of others’ expectations of you, your relative comfort zone, your contextual comfort zone and many others.

All of these things are different perspectives of the same object that is your state of emotion. A lot of people from different schools of thought come at this from different angles. Until you look at all the variables collectively you will fail to see the bigger picture and examine state incorrectly. It is imperative to understand that all these elements are intertwined and to examine one element is to examine all elements.

For example, your state can dictate your self esteem, while in a different circumstance your expectations of yourself can bruise or inflate your ego. I will look at many ‘how you feel’ variables individually before building up to a bigger holistic picture. Once we have that established we can then begin to understand the influence it has on you and the viral influence it will have on others around you.

But the focus question is how does this help you get girls? As mentioned in most of my other articles if you feel good the girl will feel good. The primary goal in everyone’s life is to have a good feeling while simultaneously avoiding bad feelings. You want to perpetually feel good. If you can be a perpetual source of good feelings to girls while simultaneously inspiring a ‘fear of loss’ you are going to be extremely naturally attractive. This is pure and non-manipulative attraction.

You want to get into a headspace where you CAN’T HAVE BAD FEELINGS. that way the golden rule of natural game states that you CAN’T NOT be attractive. This is the goal of immaculate inner game. This is not to be confused with a false and forced good feeling which is as transparent as glass.If you constantly feel good all the other skills and mindsets relevant to natural game will fall into place for you. The golden rule of natural game is that important.

Achieve a perpetual good feeling and you will become extremely attractive to more girls than you can even handle.

The golden rule of natural game starts on a biological level; gender polarity.

Feeling good is essentially a biological and chemical state governed by your body’s hormones. This is a natural process which plays a significant role in natural game. With good hormones you feel good and with bad hormones you feel bad.

A good feeling is like walking through the world with ease without a care in the world and even a natural euphoria. A bad feeling is the sick feeling you get in your chest and abdomen when you lose state, get dumped or feel down. The feelings you experience is a result of the processes of your viscera.

The viscera is the name given to your internal organs that are part of the innervated network that is your peripheral nervous system. When you get the feeling of heartbreak you get an acute ‘heart sinking’ feeling while on the other hand when you feel euphoric you experience an ‘I’m flying’ feeling. While many factors play a part in defining your state, it’s your brain that dictates the majority of the feelings you experience in your viscera controlled by nerve impulses.

You brain regulates the hormones that are released in your body triggering the feelings that you have. The hormones that are released are a result of your thought process. Your thoughts process is a product of your mindset. Your mindset is your understanding or perception of the world. For most people their mindset is socially conditioned.

When you are unnaturally socially conditioned your mindset will give you a negative self perception and negative world views. This perception will generate massive amounts of negative thought processes. These thought processes will catalyse hormones that give you negative feelings in your viscera. You feel bad about yourself and you feel unhappy. If you feel unhappy the girl will feel unhappy and she will not be attracted to you.

But if you have a natural, non socially conditioned mindset you will have positive feelings. Positive feelings are your default natural state. Positivity, self esteem, optimism, self assurance and ‘mojo’ are all your natural mindset before they are confiscated from you by social conditioning.

A positive mindset is the origin of thoughts that catalyse hormone release that cause you to feel good all the time. Think of a little kid as an example as he runs around doing whatever he wants feeling happy.

It’s not until young children are disciplined to not be happy by social conditioning that their internal compass is forced out of alignment with their default natural happy self and pushed into the direction of social conditioning.

If your thoughts, which also give rise to your actions, are in alignment with your natural default male mindset you will always feel good. When this is the case the golden rule predicts that you will make women around you feel good. If you always feel good then you will make any girl you ever meet feel good. You are perpetually attractive and inescapably (CAN’T NOT BE) a sexworthy man.

Don’t forget that the things that give you a good feeling are acutely different from what gives women a good feeling. I’m talking purely in terms of emotional and innate good feelings. On a more complex level people can feel good temporarily when they think they are supposed to.

When you get the deeper happy feeling you feel fulfilled. Sometimes you see people who don’t seem happy, but they are satisfied with their situation in life. It is a deep happiness. When you are fulfilled it is a much more powerful feeling than happiness.

For a male example of happiness and fulfilment take the instance of a farmer. The farmer works hard for little to no wealth. He is the manager and king of his ranch, he’s always growing and planning the kingdom that is his property and assets. The buck stops with him and he’s the bearer of massive responsibility. He’s decisive, light hearted and self assured through experience.

The farmer is simple but he’s fulfilled. This is a much deeper good feeling than the socially conditioned good feelings of wealth, friends, status, fame or fortune that we’re erroneously lead to believe will fulfil us. A man is fulfilled when he has responsibility and a woman to look after.

In the case of women good feelings and fulfilment mean something completely different. Take for example the farmer’s wife. She’s not wealthy nor does she have the money for cosmetics treatments over pedicures and superficial gossip. She works in a support capacity at a far lesser output than the men around her. She diffuses conflict when there are confrontations.

A woman is only really satisfied when those around her are happy, well fed, clean and at peace. She is generous and proud to be so. She is caring and catering and looks to help others achieve success. This is female nature and the good feelings that come from that give a far deeper happiness and fulfilment than the superficially of status, money, skinniness and MySpace profiles that girls are lead to believe will give them fulfilment. A women will feel fulfilled when she is taken responsibility of, chosen by and taken care of by a worthy man.

In short, a man feels good when he is on his path, positive-dominant (woo + intent) and living in the moment. Contrastingly a woman feels good when she is whisked up in the adventure, along for the ride and living the emotional rollercoaster that is being involved with an involve-worthy man.

An involve-worthy man is one who is fulfilled and who lives in congruence with his natural masculine self. Men are motivated by the good feelings that come from adventure, building, dividing and conquering whereas women are motivated by harmony, love, family and nurturing.

Evolutionarily men and women go together perfectly. Women are designed to bring people together. The females that tamed the wild men the best would survive. The men that divided, conquered, killed and adventured more than all the others would have passed on their genes. It’s the eternal yin and yang that continues to drive natural selection to select quality genes.

[Though this sounds sexist against either men or women is not the intention, many things will make either men or women happy, but at the deepest level of fulfilment there are specific gender roles that are naturally preset. In the context of natural game I refer to the deeper evolutionarily preset emotional states. Of course in this day and age cognitive will power, drugs and psychological disorders can nullify a person’s naturally preset desires. While all men and women consciously choose to some extent what they do and don’t like, deep down all will recognise the truth in what I am saying.]

If you are in alignment with your natural masculine mindsets you will automatically behave in ways that make you feel good. Naturally, this also makes women feel good. Naturally this is very attractive.

The way a women is attracted to you and the way she gets good feelings from you can be described metaphorically by the way you are drawn to and entertained by a good movie. Attraction is a combination of high value plus a full range of emotions. If you notice a movie that you perceive presents itself well you become exited and aroused and are inspired to see it. The movie is high value because it looks quality and enticing the from the outset. These factors all stimulate good feelings.

If the plot of the movie is good and there is a range of emotions experienced by the audience as a by product of a well made movie (expression) it will be a very entertaining and arousing experience. It will even make you feel comfortable as it takes responsibility for you as you relax and watch it.

While watching a movie, you are fully aroused and experience a full emotional work out. This is the same process a woman goes through when she is becoming attracted to a man. When a woman sees a man she thinks she might like she becomes exited. Then, as she speaks with him and he doesn’t try to impress her, he just expresses himself, she gets a good emotional work out. She feels very good.

When a man takes pride in himself, has self assurance and is unstifled in doing whatever he wants to do he will perpetually feel good. He will give the women around him a massive range of emotions. He’s doing what men do while girls involved become aroused by it. This is the natural way each gender feels good.

[This is a skill called being ‘involvement worthy’. Once mastered you cannot be blown out of set. An article on this skill set is under construction and will be published on this blog soon.]

The golden rule operates on a deeper biological level; neuroanatomy.

In your mammalian brain there is an ancient subconscious evolutionary part of your brain that automatically decodes non verbal signals. Non verbal communication was the only means of communication for millions of years. This complex grey matter device allows you to communicate non-verbally with other mammals almost telepathically.

A lot of people use their cognitive brains to over think and ‘outsmart’ their otherwise accurate instinctive social intuition. Usually the cognitive brain causes people to misinterpret communication incorrectly by overanalysing it. This cognitive overanalyses causes social confusion and sends signals to the girls around you that you lack social calibration and social confidence. This gives rise to bad feelings for you and hence, the girl.

Think about the last time you had a conversation with your pet dog or cat. Even though that mammal has never spoken a word to you, you as a mammal yourself you can instinctively tell how it feels very clearly. For example you know when a dog is tired, scared exited or timid. This goes the same for people when you stop trying to overanalyse what they are saying with words and tune into the accurate natural and ancient non-verbal communication channels.

When you travel to places where people don’t speak your language you become more attractive and your game instantly goes to the next level. When interacting with people from other languages you focus more on pure natural emotional communication that is universal language amongst all humans.

With this simple non-cognitive and illogical communication good feelings are quickly aroused like the twists and turns in a good and unpredictable movie. In this natural communication the natural good feelings aren’t stifled by social conditioning which exists only when two people are speaking the language in which they were taught to be socially conditioned. That is why people love travelling and talking to exotic members of the opposite sex.

The brain uses ancient and complex structures called mirror neurones to get a reading of how the other person is feeling in order to quickly determine whether the person might pose a threat or be a source of value.

According to world renowned neuropsychiatrist Louanne Brizendine M.D, author of ‘The Female Brain’, women unconsciously use mirror neurones to literally internalise your physical state to form a sense and perception about you. This obviously was very important in an evolutionarily sense because for millions of years mammals didn’t have the convenience of spoken words and language to ask about danger.

Louanne Brizendine M.D. says that ‘women have a near telepathic ability to sense what you are thinking and feeling’. This ability evolved due to gender polarity, men being able to manipulate their surrounds with physical force while women had a limited ability to do so. If a women could sense whether she was in some kind of danger from the people around her she would have a massive evolutionary advantage and pass on her genes.

When you approach, a woman’s automatic processes kick in and the mirror neurones will cause the girl you are approaching to unconsciously mirror and internalise your body language, breathing rate, posture and in some instances muscle tension. Women literally unconsciously adopt your approaching body language in order to make an instantaneous judgement about what sort of guy you are.

A woman will be compelled to feel whatever you are feeling at the point when you approach her and even beforehand as you begin to cross the room towards her. If you are nervous you will make her feel nervous, if you are confident you will make her feel confident. When you approach a women you influence her with whatever you are feeling at that point in time.

When approaching women this automatic psychosomatic reaction has several repercussions. Firstly the girls can tell what sort of a guy you are long before you even get near them, meaning that they are sure to be attracted before you get to her if you are an attractive guy who is feeling good.

If you are a crappy guy with ego and low self esteem then that would be communicated long before you get close to the girl you are approaching. The girl will have formed and in depth emotional opinion about you before you have even opened your mouth. If you’re a bad dude at your core you don’t even stand a chance. Unless you are a master manipulator of Oscar wining magnitude.

Once you get to the girl and you begin to talk to her she is then going to be in a position where she really cannot avoid adopting your state be it good or bad. As a random stranger approaching a girl she will have all senses tuned to who you are and what you are trying to propose to her.

If you are going to approach you need to be aware of this and take the necessary responsibilities.

Simply, if you’re in a bad state you’re going to be blown out very quickly but if you’re in a good state not only will the girl want to talk to you she will want you to stick around so she can revel in the good feelings you are bringing her.

When you feel good all the time you will notice that the girl will start GAMING YOU and pursue you to continue interacting with you to get more and more good feelings from you.

State becomes reality becomes state; male and female sources of state.

Moving away from the deeper scientific level of state influence the golden rule can be understood in more conversational terminology familiar to pick up and general psychology.

On the level of natural emotions and sociology man’s source of state is different from a woman’s source of state. A man has to take responsibility for drawing state from within whereas women will be influenced from state surrounding her in her environment. Men are internally influenced whereas women are externally influenced, that is to say men are proactive and women are reactive.

In a nightclub men often stand around clasping a beer in low state. They are both stifled and looking for an external factor to pump their state that will never come. On the other hand when a girl is in a night club she is state pumped to the point of frenzy with things like music, lights, alcohol, friends, guys drama all influencing and stimulating her state. Girls go to the club because it is a source of fun and state, guys traditionally go to the club because there will be girls there.

Furthermore think of a girl’s bedroom compared to a guys bedroom. Girls get their state from their environment so they tend to keep their rooms stimulating and hygienic. This means most girl’s rooms will have posters, pictures, candles, music, trinkets, perfumes et cetera to simulate them and keep them feeling good. The reason why girls like things to be hygienic is because when things are dirty they will literally internalise a feeling of dirty. This applies to hygiene, not tidiness or messiness.

Contrastingly think of a your room as a guy. Functional, if you didn’t have anyone to impress or manage impressions of you wouldn’t really care if the room stank, was mouldy and had dirty clothes lying around. Even if you are in an unhygienic or undesirable environment it doesn’t have much influence on your state because you state is sourced internally.

Carl Jung, a famous psychologist said that perception is projection. Perception and projection are one and the same thing. This is the same as saying that feeling is influence or that influence is feeling. One and the same thing, but two different causalities.

What a man feels becomes his influence, what influences a women becomes her feeling. As you can see this underlying gender polarity phenomena is at work all the time. When you have a feeling it becomes influence, it influences the feelings of the girls around you. Whatever you feel, she feels. The golden rule of natural game cannot be escaped.

On a cognitive level this is true as well. Perception is projection. How you feel and what you think are intrinsically intertwined. In the same way that men are naturally different in terms of feelings and influence the same pattern is evident in terms of perception being reality. For men perception becomes reality and for women reality becomes perception.

People are always pinging and getting a sense of self by being labelled and seeking validation from others. A person’s reality is a result of their constructed self (ego), which is a product of their sense of self. If they think they are cool because everyone tells them they are that forms their reality. In this case reality dictates their perception. For guys their reality is forced upon them by social conditioning. So, in most cases reality (social conditioning) becomes perception (chode way of thinking about themselves).

This is true of women. Their sense of self is like a societal mirror. Society defines their value evolutionarily through their face value. At a snap decision a women is judged to have value based on her appearance. This judgement system is reality impacting on a woman’s sense of self. For socially conditioned guys and women, in an evolutionary sense, people (reality) around them force them to think a certain way about themself. People in their reality force a self perception onto themself.

For a man who is not socially conditioned, is natural and has no ego he can continually work towards whatever he wants to become. That is to say, he can set a goal of an image for himself and work towards it. The more he dedicates his mind to it, the more it self-fulfils and the more it becomes true.

What he believes of himself (his perception) becomes his reality when it accepted by the people around him. By this same token what he projects onto weaker minded beta-males and females usually become true. In their reality external sources define who they are, this includes natural alpha males dictating who and what beta males and women are. Alpha males are very influential.

So, naturally men have urges to adventure, divide, concur and take what they want. This happens because no one prevents it from happening in their default state. Their desires become reality.

When alpha males do what they want in interactions with women and beta males the women and beta males fall into their FRAME and take what the alpha male projects onto them as being true. Because of alpha males, reality becomes perception for women and beta males.

Perception (alpha male) becomes reality (what alpha male does and what he projects onto others) becomes perception (women and beta males internalise what is projected onto them by alpha males).

What this means in field is that if you take responsibility for who you want to be, and who you want to be is in alignment with your natural alpha self, people more often than not will see you how you see yourself. They form a sense of the world based on what alpha males project into the world. The way you see yourself, women and beta males will see you that way as well. It’s almost hypnotic. Whatever alpha males think, females and beta males think.

Emotionally the same casual chain is going on but on a deeper level. Your sense of self is deeply implicated in the way you feel on a moment to moment basis. If you are alpha and living in congruence with what you are as a man you will feel good. If you are beta you will be living out of alignment with what you are as a man and feel very bad. Step to a girl as a beta male and you will feel bad and make her feel bad. Approach a girl feeling good about living in alignment with your masculine alpha-male self and you will make her feel good.

Good feeling becomes reality. You influence the world with how you feel and it becomes the girl’s feeling. She feels good because you as her environment influence her state. You get the girl.

Whatever you feel, she feels.

You can achieve this really easily, you just need to take responsibility for your state and content of though. It requires will power in the same way a diet requires will power. If you don’t have the capacity to exercise will power you simply don’t deserve success with girls.

The all encompassing difference between you being an alpha male and beta male is your ability take responsibility for how you want to think about yourself and how much you are going to let your natural good emotions be compromised. If you are lazy you will live a sad and lonely life and you will feel guilty about getting girls with canned lines.

If you take responsibility you will get quality girls, you will feel you deserve quality girls and you will keep quality girls in your life.

Welcome to the real world; the Conscious implications of the golden rule in field.

It is extremely important to understand the conceptual structures, gender polarity and biological science of natural game to give you confidence in the underlying automatic processes behind what you are implementing. But what is even more important is understanding how this works on a real world level and how it is going to help you to become very good with girls.

On a conscious level there is massive amounts of useless cognitive noise occupying your headspace. This is commonly known as being ‘inside your head’. This is especially apparent if you are in a headspace where you are trying to assimilate what you are reading and learning about social dynamics with what you are actually putting into practice in field.

These conscious thinking processes are highly detrimental for your field results. I will go over the things that that will consciously cause you to feel bad and cause the girl you interact with feel bad.

Sometimes you won’t even be aware of some of the things proposed but once enlightened you will begin to recognise how the these conscious things can be detrimental and take control of them. Once aware of them you can negate them early and prevent negative thoughts and feelings. Therefore preventing yourself from transferring negative thoughts and feelings to the girl.

The most prominent and evil force occupying your conscious headspace is the old enemy the EGO. Think of your conscious space as RAM on a computer. When you are consciously trying to maintain ego by dedicating headspace to projecting a certain imagine while simultaneously dedicating headspace to managing the prevention of making a bad impression your conscious headspace is going to be massively burdened.

The conscious mind is the human part of the brain that is ‘strapped on top of’ the emotional brain. Your natural brain is an inherently attractive thing that is constantly giving you impulses to act naturally which would actually be expressive and attractive behaviour.

The conscious evolved brain interferes with the ancient natural brain. In the ancient brain there is the blueprint of how to get girls. The conscious brain second guesses the unconscious impulsive brain and causes you to act indecisively which will result in your behaving with a lack of confidence and being unattractive to girls.

This conflict continually occupies your conscious headspace acting in the same way a virus would on a computer. Instead of running smoothly and decisively which would result in confident attractive behaviour you are compromised as a result of your own internal conflict. Internal conflict makes you feel bad. If you feel bad the girl will feel bad.

This destructive self doubting process is extremely obvious in the case of ego projection and protection.

In the case of ego projection you are always worried and looking to be validated in the way you want others to see you. Instead of relaxing socially and feeling good you are always concerned, nervous and anxious as to whether or not people see you the way you want them to see you. This can give you massive internal conflict, make you feel very bad and then influence the girls you talk to with a bad feeling.

In the case of ego protection you are always concerned, anxious and nervous as to whether people might try and label you or interpret you in a way that you don’t foresee that could potentially be a bad thing. So you dedicate you headspace to taking actions that aren’t natural but actually directed towards introverting yourself, treading on eggshells and being afraid to make a bad impression. Of course if you are always suffering the internal conflict of ego protection then you will feel bad and influence the girls you talk to with a bad feeling.

On another level if you are feeling bad because of ego protection and ego projection you will be reactive and live in other people’s frames. When this is happening you don’t give the girl emotions because you are reacting to her and nor are you higher value than the girl because you are reacting to her.

Ego can only live in a person when they are in a thinking headspace. Don’t think, lose ego.

You didn’t have an ego before you began to think. Plus, if you approach a girl with an ego she can sense you are second guessing your natural self. In addition to influencing the girl with a bad feeling when you second guess your natural self then you communicate to girls that your natural self isn’t good enough.

Girls automatically think that if you need to impress an ego onto her you must be second guessing what you are as a man and she is put into the headspace that you are less of a naturally attractive man that you should be.

On the dark side of things ego can give rise to a good feeling and a strong reality. As a guy, if everyone all your life projects onto you that you are cool or attractive, if you weren’t already aware of that you will begin to identify with it. You will perpetually feel good on a shallow level because everyone always influences you with good feelings.

But, when you cold-approach you will still be looking for validation from the girl. In social circle situations a guy with a big ‘I’m cool and attractive’ ego feels great in that context. But, if a strong ego guy cold-approaches out of that context he won’t have that good feeling that he gets from his social circle and his powers of positive influence will be dashed.

Sometimes though, arrogant egotistical guys have such a strong reality as continually reinforced by those around him that he believes it so strongly himself that when he meets a new girl she can become influenced by his self perception and see him in the self aggrandised way he sees himself.

This is evident in examples of sports stars, cool kids at school, thugs and gang members. Also, it’s rare to find natural and non egotistical guys in the world so the strong reality guys often get girls by default.

Even furthermore, because egotistical guys are always in and out of relationships they seem like big players because they often burn themselves and their partners in relationships. This continued ‘playerism’ and verbal promotion of their ‘I’m a player’ ego make them seem a lot more successful with women then they actually are.

Even if a guy gets a good feeling from the strong sense of self that comes with continual reinforcement of ‘player’ or ‘cool’ ego he is a fish out of water when cold approaching. What usually happens is that he will approach the girl, seek validation and look to impress upon her that he’s ‘really cool’.

If a guy approaches seeking validation he is taking value and reacting to her, which is unattractive. He does something special to show her that he is special. When he tries to impress her by demonstrating how ‘cool’ he is he will communicate the he isn’t cool just as he is. Unattractive.

When this process happens the good feelings that the egotistical guy formerly had comes crashing down. Ego is the Achilles heel of state. What seemed so strong can be destroyed instantly when exposed to its weakness. In the case of cold approaching ego weakness is not being validated by the girl he talks to. His state will plummet, he will feel terrible and become a repulsive-black-hole influence to others around him.

In contextual cases ego can be fine as long as the context exists. Robbie Williams will always be validated by anyone who is aware of the world music stage. The Prince of England will always be validated by anyone who recognises the British Empire.

Take the world music stage away or the British Empire and Robbie Williams or Prince of England will lose their contextual value Achilles heel style. If you want to take advantage of this phenomena become a club promoter, club DJ or an internationally famous rock star. Your image will play the game for you.

Tim is brilliant from the cold approach and the coolest guy I ever met. No ego. Combine this with him being the most well known club promoter and best DJ for hundreds of miles around and you have a FUCKING POTENT combination. People project amazing things onto Tim, but he doesn’t buy into them. He maintains a natural sense of self that is naturally attractive. Tim is very happy guy and influences the girls around him with copious amounts of good feelings.

Basically ego driven conscious headspace will give rise to the ‘dirty high’ form of happiness. The ‘dirty high’ feeling is always motivated from a place of neediness and lack and can never be satisfied. Therefore it will never be as good a feeling as fulfilment. The ‘dirty high’ is on a hair trigger of susceptibility to destruction that will not only make you feel bad, but plunge you into a pit of misery. Ego fails to give the deeper feeling of fulfilment in the same way that money or fast cars don’t really fulfil a man.

Some famous pick up artists are well documented examples of the ups and down of ego driven happiness and despair. This will give rise to massive inconsistency and frustration. As your results begin to spiral downward because of your bad feelings and the influence you give to others. This process usually leads to hate of and exodus of the game.

One of the biggest consciously born good feeling killers in the game is your fear of being discovered as a guy who is using the game. Instead of walking around happy and having fun and influencing the girls you talk to with a good feeling you walk around feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

If you are using game as a band aid over a bullet wouldn’t and have no intention of self actualising and becoming a better self through self actualisation you deserve to feel embarrassed and ashamed. You will influence the girls you talk to with feeling of self disrespect and low self worth. They probably won’t even respond to you when you approach them.

Another bad-feeling inducing phenomenon that you will be conscious of, but have difficulty understanding, is cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is anxiety that occurs when what you do is out of alignment with who you are and what you believe. For example, anxiety from cognitive dissonance would occur if you said you hated your country of allegiance and wish you belonged to the population of your rival nation.

If you go into set and you say and do things that are out of alignment with what you are (your inescapable nature) and what you believe (your nurture) cognitive dissonance will make you feel flustered and anxious. Negative feelings will arise that will influence people around you with negative emotions.

In field this will happen if you use someone else’s lines as a compensation for a lack of self trust. It can also happen when talking for the purpose of impression not expression. The worst feelings of cognitive dissonance anxiety will arise when you say things deliberately to manipulate and take value. All these things make you feel bad, will influence the girl with bad feelings and make you unattractive.

Conscious manipulation and lines don’t work. in terms of being attractive to girls behaving in alignment with your natural self does work

Sometimes in set you will have approached in an unconscious headspace, acting clear headedly in the moment and operating through the mode of expression. You feel good and influence others with good feelings. But in the case of you learning the game often you find your ‘doing better’ than expected and all of a sudden think “what’s next?” This gives rise to a feeling of panic and uncertainty which will quickly be transferred to the girl.

Be in alignment with the guy you are. Be willing to block out any logical and conscious sabotaging thoughts and ride the interaction as long as it will go. It will give you a feeling of excitement and recklessness as you get further into unchartered territory. As you get more intimate with the girl you will get more exited. These feelings are transferred as well.

If you for some reason you ‘fuck up’ the interaction you will get a scar and learn something from the interaction. Metaphorically, if you live in alignment with your balls you ‘ride the skateboard all the way to the bottom of the hill’, endure thrills, impress yourself and get the girl. If you ‘fall off’ you will get a scar and learn a lesson. Remember, chicks dig scars.

Lot of guys escape their consciousness in social situations by drinking. Biologically drinking nullifies your cognitive brain and allows your emotional brain to express itself freely. Sober for most guys means impression, drunk for most guys means expression. But girls recognise that guys get drunk because they can’t access their naturally attractive self while sober. In most cases drinking will make a sad guys bad feelings far more evident. Drunk approaching is a deal breaker.

If you have a few drinks it can be an effective means for an inexperienced natural gamer to access the naturally attractive part of their brain. If you don’t drink more that the legal driving limit you will generally find the right balance. You will feel great and uninhibited and give that same feeling to the girl. Most people, especially girls, are socially conditioned to associate alcohol with fun times. On that level drinking can contribute to influencing girls with good feelings.

The real world continued; the UNCONCIOUS implications of the golden rule in field

You will be very aware of your conscious brain and often very frustrated by it. You are exposed to it loud and clear. It is the continual noise of your conscious brain that stifles your unconscious brain. Your unconscious brain holds the key to natural game. It is in your unconscious automatic brain that you find your blueprint.

Before I delve into the working of the unconscious brain and the implications it has on how you feel the most important fact pertaining to your unconscious brain is that its default state is to FEEL GOOD.

If you default state is feeling good, feeling good can revert you back to your default state as well. This is the key to accessing your natural game.

Times when you feel good is a good indicator that you are running on your natural autopilot unconscious brain, meaning you will be in alignment with your natural self. Good feeling is natural state, your natural state means good feelings. Find your natural state and you will always feel good and be perpetually attractive to girls.

Your unconscious natural state is referenced in many different ways and has many different names.

We are referring to your natural default state when we say ‘outside your head’, in state, self esteem, offering value, nimbus, core confidence, confidence, alpha male, alignment with your natural self, and elite congruence. All these things are signposts for essentially one and the same thing. All labels point toward your natural default state. In this happy, confident, alpha, congruent, self-esteem-state you feel good. Really, really good.

You will influence the girls with a really, really good feeling.

Guys with this trait are a rare and valuable entity and very quickly recognised by girls. Come into alignment with your natural state and you will find you will be more attractive than you have ever known. People will begin to treat you the same way they treat model quality girls.

Compared with the many obstacles and negative influences imposed by the conscious brain you will discover the unconscious natural brain is very simple. Simply, you don’t have to achieve a good feeling. You already have it. When you don’t have a good felling it is because the unconscious brain is overshadowed and polluted be the conscious brain.

To counteract the influences of the conscious brain and unleash the natural and good feelings that stem from an unstifled unconscious brain there are a few things that are important to internalise.

Self esteem is a natural thing and we conversationally understand self esteem to mean good feelings. To have self esteem is to be fulfilled. To have low self esteem means you are not fulfilled.

But it is an anomaly that a you can have poor self esteem but have a fleeting good feeling. This comes when you get external ego validation when you can feel good for a moment but still won’t have that deeper feeling. This could be described as a ‘band aid over a bullet wound’.

When you develop an ego it suppresses your pre-existing self esteem. This happens because you have been forced to believe you are something that you are not. When you believe that you are something that you are not you continually look for validation of what you think you are and your good feeling are fickle and sporadic. This will directly correlate with your results with women.

With ego based happiness sometimes you will get a woman onto a few dates or maybe even sleep with her but you will struggle to keep her as she will soon see your weak low self esteem core hiding behind your false PUA or chode ego.

When you move away from an ego based reality and you come into alignment with what you are you have total congruence. Once the ego is shed you are left with pure self esteem. When you have pure self esteem you are in congruence with your natural self you feel good and influence the girls around you with good feelings.

In this circumstance of elite congruence what you do is only an expression of what you are. When what you do is in total alignment with what you are then you have the rare and noble trait of INTEGRITY.

Instead of using tactics and trickery to convince women you are something that you are not you can simply go in and ‘be yourself’ knowing that is all that you need. (As you really do bring your full and unstifled natural self). This is what PUA mean when they refer to you being your ‘best self’. Instead of having to learn a law degree worth of pick up skills and tactics you can go into field and navigate situations simple-mindedly as they present themselves.

Going into field with a head full of confusing trickery and manipulation will make you feel confused, weighed down and embarrassed. If you feel weighted down, confused and embarrassed when you approach girls you will influence them with a blatantly negative-value taking feeling.

When you study Real Social Dynamics you are undergoing a process called self actualisation. In conversational language that translates to mean that you are learning about what you really are and you are learning and changing to fulfil you true potential. When you self actualise with Real Social Dynamics you are learning things and exposing yourself to experiences that will help you realise your true self. Your natural masculine self.

As opposed to walking into a bar with ‘sneaky tricks’ up your sleeve belonging to a secret sociality you walk into the bar knowing that you are more self actualised than anyone in the room, men and women included. With this comes an inherent sense of confidence and good feelings.

When you study self actualisation you engage social situations and social interaction with people feeling amazing as you know you have taken responsibility for being the best self you can be. If you are currently going out and feeling any lesser than other people that you are interacting with snap out of it. Realise that if you are reading this article you have the logical right to feel significantly more proud of yourself socially than other who have not read this article.

Once you make personal harmony with the fact that self work and responsibility entitles you to feel on top of the world you will feel extremely empowered. Furthermore, self actualisation is in congruence with what you are as a man because men are always moving forward, exploring and growing.

Approaching girls knowing that you have taken massive responsibility for yourself and are continuing to become the best self you can be will give you feeling of extreme empowerment. With great responsibility comes great power.

Approaching girls feeling empowered and resourceful will radiate an extreme self assurance and obviously a very good feeling. Girls are very attracted to guys who embrace their self actualisation because that type of guy feels extremely good about himself.

The foundation of feeling good in field is knowing who you are. Who you are is a combination of what you are and what you do. What you are is present, positive dominant and a man of action. Line these three things up and not only will you feel good, but you will experience nimbus. The epitome of naturally arising euphoric good feelings. You will influence girls with this same feeling.

To access good feelings take responsibility for getting into the moment, that is to say, becoming present. When present in the moment you don’t have a chance to think about anything else. When present you don’t have a chance to think and hesitate causing you to act attractively with conviction. Presence is a literally empty headspace where there is no self sabotaging thoughts occupying your consciousness.

How you can do this is simply talking to a lot of people, being extroverted and physically interacting with your environment. We call being interactive with your environment being ‘outside of your head’. This is because instead of thinking to yourself and self sabotaging you are continually in the moment navigating the world.

Interaction with the world will bring your focus to whatever is in front of your face. When you focus on what is in front of you – your headspace will not be occupied by negative conscious influences. When you are ‘dumb’ in a state of no thinking everything you do will become fun. If you have fun, you will influence girls with fun.

Being present also pertains to the classic ‘three second rule’. If you approach instantly there is not enough time for your mind to begin to manufacture conscious reasons why you’re not good enough or begin to make excuses as to why you shouldn’t approach. When you approach instantly you don’t feel bad, you influence the girl with good feelings and therefore are attractive to the girl.

Positive-dominance (woo +intent/assertiveness with a smile) is the core description of what it means to be a man. When you are positive, you obviously fee good. As a man you feel great when you are in a leadership position, when you have responsibility and when you are making decisions.

When you feel good you will spontaneously assume a leadership position, take responsibility and make decisions. While you’re feeling good, the woman will feel good because she likes a man who is a leader, who takes responsibility for him and her and a man who is decisive over himself and her.

Furthermore, she will like the decisive, leadership qualities because they are spontaneous, unpredictable, emotionally spiking and hence arousing. Attraction is a combination of high value plus a full range of emotions.

To round out the behavioural traits that bring you into congruence with yourself as a man you need to be a man of action. When you are moving forward as a man you feel good. Contrastingly when you regress or stagnate it can frustrate you to the point of madness. With girls you obviously feel good when you are moving things forward.

When you are ‘making a move’ or escalating. Interestingly, even though girl doesn’t always submit to your advances she will respond well to it and like you for being the man you are supposed to be. You make them feel good when you look to move things forward even if things don’t actually advance. The fact that you have the balls to take that action is emotionally arousing in and of itself.

If you make a move and the girl doesn’t and will not take part in your advances then that shouldn’t compromise your path. You want her to be involved with your path, not the path itself. With enough declined advances you will lose interest and continue on your path leaving her in your wake.

It’s usually at this point that she realises that you were a source of such good feelings and becomes motivated not to lose that source of good feelings. You not being around anymore leaves her with a bad feeling. Soon enough she will be texting you to find out what you have been doing.

When you simultaneously implement presence, positive-dominance and you take action you come fully into alignment with what you are as a guy. If you deliberately get present you will spontaneously be positive-dominant and start to take action.

When you deliberately implement positive-dominance you will spontaneously become present and start to take action. When you deliberately start to take action this is an expression of positive dominance and the fact you are interacting with the world means you will have to become momentarily responsive and hence come into presence.

When you implement one of you natural behaviour traits as a guy the other traits will automatically come into alignment as well. As stated above, when you implement any of these natural traits you feel good and as a result you make the girls feel good. Align all of your natural traits and you feel extremely good. You get the NIMBUS.

The golden rule of Natural Game; The power of the NIMBUS.

The ‘NIMBUS’ is a term coined by Jeffy to describe when you are in a primal euphoric state. When you have NIMBUS everything you touch turns to gold. If you have experienced nimbus you will know the unique and powerful feeling it brings. It is something that could be described as being ‘in the zone’ or ‘on fire’. You can do no wrong because nimbus is one and the same thing as ‘pure natural game’. NIMBUS is the holy grail to amazing success with women.

NIMBUS can be mistaken with a dirty egotistical high. The high experienced by guy with NIMBUS is a polar opposite to the high felt by ego validation. When you get a good feeling from ego validation it is because everyone else around you is giving you good feelings.

When you have NIMBUS you feel good because you have a lot of good people to influence. You are like a siphon pouring outwards ‘turning water into wine’.

As stated earlier a good feeling that is stronger than happiness is fulfilment. The more people you can influence as a man the more fulfilled you will be. This is another way of saying if you take responsibility for yourself AND for many others you feel extremely good as a man. Complimentary to this phenomena women love to be influenced by a man who has the capabilities to take responsibility for himself and many others. That would be a very high value man.

Influence many people and you feel good beyond happiness, you feel fulfilled. The more you get fulfilment by expressing your natural behavioural traits of presence, positive dominance and taking action the better you will feel. The euphoria of this good feeling is overwhelming. It becomes a drug for girls who, by nature, are influenced by whatever state they are exposed to.

If you are a better source of good feeling that any other person as a source of feeling you will be very attractive to women.

In this nimbus state at the height of your good feelings you will become mildly deluded. You will think you’re the best guy in the world, that all the girls love you and that you can do no wrong. Of course, this deluded sense of self serves to drive evolutionary natural selection. When you are in this state you are most likely to confront other guys for their girls and be with as many girls as you can.

When you have NIMBUS and are in a deluded state of mind your reticular activation system (your focus) will not even notice things that don’t please you. You will think you are the coolest guy in the world. When you perceive this you will influence girls with this feeling as well. Whatever you feel, she feels.

Two ways to achieve a good feeling if you are socially conditioned.

Remember that feeling good is your default state. To look to learn to feel good is to deny that you feel good in the first place. To find your natural good-feeling self it will not be a case of ‘building towards it’ or forcing but rather a case of letting go of your socially conditioned self and allowing your natural self to emerge.

If you’re not feeling good it is because of social conditioning and ego, social conditioning causes the ‘pretending to be a chode’ ego. To perpetually feel good you need to transcend social conditioning and the ego that comes from it. There are two ways to do this. One is with nimbus and being present. The other is via a rite of passage. See the two graphs below.

In both instances you can see that you, the blue line, are born with little anxiety. In an infantile unconscious state you don’t have the capacity to feel anxiety other than reflex anxiety. When a person has low anxiety levels they are high value, calm and therefore considered to be cool. This is taken away by social conditioning.

Throughout childhood and adolescence you are socially conditioned and forced by the world around you to think of yourself as something you are not. This is you forming the ‘pretending to be a chode ego’.

In this headspace you are constantly trying to impress a ‘cool impression’ onto the world. This means you constantly have conscious stress and anxiety. While socially conditioned you are constantly trying to defend against others impressing a bad impression onto you. This means you constantly have stress and anxiety.

Biologically you are being forced to adopt a false idea of yourself that is the polar opposite of what you actually are. You were born positive-dominant but social conditioning persuades you to adopt a negative-passive ego for yourself. This fundamental incongruence between what you are and what you do leads to constant anxiety from cognitive dissonance. Under social conditioning you constantly struggle and react emotionally to the unanswered question ‘who am I?’

As shown in the graph’s, once socially conditioned you always have higher anxiety levels then women. This means you are less cool than women, lower value and are perpetually unattractive.

Contextually if you have confidence through ego validation then in that context alone you will be cooler than the girls and attractive. Otherwise, most guys drink, so do girls. When guys drink their conscious brains become nullified, they become present and cease to second-guess themselves and become attractive.

While when women drink they begin to question themselves more and their physical desires become unstifled by the nullification of their conscious brains. Contextual confidence and drinking plays host to 90% of modern day pick-ups. Which are rare from cold approaches nonetheless.

The first way you can get a really good feeling while learning natural game is if you experiences the nimbus. Sometimes, usually with the assistance of alcohol, you might stumble onto nimbus and have a great night. On a night you have nimbus you are having fun and so present that your mind isn’t confounded by negative conscious thoughts.

On an on night you can do no wrong and you will have amazing success because you will have less anxiety than women and therefore be cooler, high value and attractive to them. But, once the night is over you will snap back into bad-feelings ego mode. In some cases you might start to form an ‘I’m a huge pimp ego’ which will lead to a massive state crash the next time you go out.

If you have enough nimbus nights you will soon become very familiar with that good feeling and it might even become a constant thing. But in most real world cases for someone who doesn’t know better a nimbus night will elicit a ‘pimp ego’. For most guys one good night is followed by about thirty bad nights and massive inconsistency.

If you do have a one night stand with girl on a night you are lucky enough to have nimbus you might have difficulty keeping her around because as you snap back to reality after the night she will realise you aren’t as much fun or ‘the guy she thought you were’. This also explains the extreme amount of phone number flakes that come from high energy night club game.

Even though you were fun there and then on the night it’s not ‘who you usually are’ because you have the reality of ‘pretending to be a chode’. When you call she expects to hear cool fun club nimbus guy, but she gets a version of you that is pretending to be a chode. You gave her good feelings in the club, you gave her bad feelings on the phone.

She will also have an intuition when she’s having fun with you in the club that you’re on a kind of TEMPORARY HIGH that is unstable and inconsistent. She had fun in the moment, but she isn’t going to waste her time with a guy who is just ‘pretending to be his natural fun self’, she wants a guy WHO IS his natural fun self .

This is the same for guys who get numbers and put girls into a good mood when they are on an ego trip. She will have fun there and then but clearly understand he is not the source of good feelings, he is just revelling the good feeling being projected onto him. Even then, girls themselves are socially conditioned to think that being with that sort of guy will make them happy.

Even though hooking up with a big ego guy will give a girl happiness it will never be as deep as fulfilment. Realise girls are in fact socially conditioned as well. Ensure the way you behave is socially calibrated and doesn’t transcend their reality and thus limit your potential to pick up.

The second way to get that really good feelings is through self actualisation. This will result in a perpetually good feeling. If you undergo identity level change, namely, a rite of passage you will get a perpetually good feeling so that you instantly and naturally influence all the girls you meet with a good feelings.

In ancient societies the rite of passage was when a boy became a man. There was a good reason for this because if they didn’t undergo this process then they would never really make the transformation, become self reliant and become a source of reliance for the women around them.

Prior to conquering the rite a passage a boy would experience anxiety over ‘who he was’ and question whether he could conquer the rite of passage or not. But, once he put himself to the test and conquered whatever the rite required he would no longer concern himself with external factors. Self reliant he wouldn’t have a care in the world. He would perpetually feel good and be instantly attractive to all women that he met. He would be enough just because he is his masculine self.

Even though rites of passage may involve vastly different things and vastly different challenge levels the rites would result in a boy seeing himself as a man and cause him to behave as one. Once this inner game is established he feels less anxiety than the women and children around him. A rite of passage graduate would see himself as higher value and influence others to see him as high value. A rite of passage graduate would have all the inner game he needs to be extremely attractive to girls all the time. It would become ‘what he is’.

The basic purpose of a rite of passage is to convert a boy, a guy who has other people take responsibility for him (socially conditioned – ego), to a man who takes total responsibility for himself free from the influences and constraints imposed by others around him (self actualised – self esteem).

A rite of passage tests your emotional limit and pushes you to the brink of your comfort zone. If you can journey to the edge of your comfort zone and return back in one piece you will know without a doubt that you can handle yourself in any situation and thus have no anxiety in life.

If you are a rite of passage graduate, when others try to impress onto that you are other than a man it won’t even register. You will have no need to try to make a special impression on people because you know what you are. You realise that simply making the impression you are a man is the best impression you could possibly make.

In this headspace you have no anxiety, you feel good and you perpetually influence girls around you with a good feeling.

This is the function (among others) of the Real Social Dynamics bootcamp.

The process of transforming from inconsistent good feelings to consistent good feelings; Identity Level Change, the rite of passage in modern times.

In modern times there is no such rite of passage that clearly transforms a boy to a man.

Basically it would involved you questioning everything you know and pushing yourself to the edge of your comfort zone. You would definitively move away from a reality where everyone takes responsibility for you and you take responsibility for yourself and your reality.

This means you need to let go of the externally formed ‘pretending to be a chode’ reality, pushing your comfort zone and rebuilding your reality as defined by you. This is shown in the graph below.

As a socially conditioned guy you would reside somewhere on the bottom right hand side of this graph and women would reside somewhere on the far right side of the graph.

You live in a reality where external forces take responsibility for who you are. You will have a strong, albeit, externally driven reality. As mentioned above this reality is false and an susceptible to unpredictable crashing when something happens that is ‘beyond your reality’. Like getting blown out. Your capacity to feel good is volatile and unstable.

In an ego based strong reality you can feel sporadically happy but not fulfilled. Where as in an ego based reality a woman can feel fulfilled and deeply happy. If you are approaching women feeling less good than they are you will never be attractive to them.

To undergo the modern day rite of passage you need to push you comfort zone and leave the reality you have always known by defying the external forces that define who you are. You need to go against social conditioning and the safe comfort zone that was your pretending to be a chode ego.

But, in doing this you leave your comfort zone and experience extreme anxiety as you move away from the familiarity of what you have always known. On this graph it would be depicted as moving from the bottom right side of the graph to the centre of the bottom of the U curve when your reality is at its weakest.

It’s at the bottom of the U curve that you reach the inversion point between a reality where others define who you are and a reality where you define who you are. This is the absolute brink of your comfort zone where you feel most vulnerable. Experience your threshold of vulnerability and survive and you cease to experience anxiety in the future as you realise you can deal with anything.

This is the indifference threshold.

This could happen by chance from a culmination of emotional events over the course of your life or it can happen quickly if you are exposed to situations of extreme emotional stress. Things like death in the family, childbirth, near death experiences or jail time. Facing and overcoming these things serves the same purpose as a rite of passage and leaves you with no anxiety about any situations.

You are confident you can deal with anything and influence everyone else that you feel confident to deal with anything.

On your own you will only tentatively explore the anxiety inducing experiences that lie outside your comfort zone. When things get tough outside your comfort zone you will quickly retreat back to your socially conditioned comfort zone. Even if you experience or achieve things outside of your comfort zone the socially conditioned reality that has been pulled over your eyes will reject anything but the reality you have always known.

On your own you won’t know what it means to be outside of your comfort zone. You almost certainly won’t push yourself so far beyond your comfort zone that you reach the brink of it and cross the indifference threshold. An experienced coach can quickly push you to that frontier and help you confront your comfort zone when you would otherwise retract. A coach will push you to achieve something that you would have great trouble achieving on your own.

On introspection you will realise that you are actually far more ‘badass’ than you realise. It’s just your social conditioning forcefully blocking you from realising you are then man you are. It takes external approval from a credible source to verify that you can in fact let go of the socially conditioned reality and begin to define your own reality the way a man naturally does.

The verification that you survived the rite of passage is the last externally accepted influence that plays a part in defining who you are. That influence essentially gives you permission to be yourself. This is the process of bootcamp.

In modern times this would equate to you ceasing to be identified by what people impress onto you and ceasing to try to make an impression onto others. Self actualising and feeling good free of conscious or external constraints.

When you actually let go of the socially conditioned reality and accept that you have been to the frontier of your comfort zone and back you will realise that you are in fact the man you are supposed to be. You realise that your game game CAN’T NOT be a ten.

Feeling perpetually good is a muscle; the responsibility of building it and exercising it.

To make the transformation from boy to man, from having responsibility taken for you to taking responsibility for yourself, is like building a muscle. Biologically being a man is your default state, but you actually have to take action to come into your power as a man. The best way to form the muscle is via a rite of passage. The way to strengthen and retain that muscle is via congruence tests.

The identifiable stepping stones between your externally defined reality and your internally defined reality come in the form of congruence tests. Pass a test and you grow in your internal centeredness, fail a test and you regress to ‘chode ego’. That is also to say, at any time you could be taking responsibility for yourself, or letting others take responsibility for you.

When you pass a test you solidify your reality as internally defined. But between the time you are being tested you have the potential to be moving towards situations where those congruence tests arise.

Congruence tests are automatically generated by women to figure out if you are an alpha male and attractive or if you are a beta male and unattractive. Conceptually congruence tests are like a gym where you can work out. The more you move away from your comfort zone the more intense the test will become. Once you pass the most intense tests you begin to relinquish others’ influences and responsibility over you. You cross the indifference threshold and begin to form a stronger and stronger internally defined reality.

The more you internally define your reality the stronger your core confidence becomes. With this comes a good feeling. The better you define your own reality the more emotionally unreactive you are to congruence tests. Nothing takes away from you feeling good. The more you’re not reacting to others’ reality the more you assert your reality onto others. You establish higher value and women become emotionally aroused as they react to you. The less you are looking for validation from impression the more you simply express yourself and have fun. When you have fun you feel good.

Core confidence, unreactive, assertiveness and unreactiveness. Congruence with what you are which leads to fulfilment and a perpetual and influential good feeling. The best thing is, because you are internally centred there is no Achilles heel that could instantly destroy your reality. Your strength of reality and resulting feeling of fulfilment is a conceptually 100% self defined. You are perpetually high value, you influence others because they don’t influence you. You are perpetually attractive.

You always feel extremely good. No one can take that away from you. Welcome to consistency.

Only you can sabotage your self-defined reality by being lazy and regressing back to socially conditioning. A force that is constantly attacking you.

The more unreactive you are, the more assertive you are, the more core confidence you have the more value you offer the more attractive you will be. The potential of inner game is overwhelming.

In a lot of cases it is your potential that is scary, not you failure. Your potential is unchartered territory while failure is familiar comfort zone.

When you define your own reality you might not always feel euphoria but you will always have a baseline of good feelings as a function of fulfilment. Importantly, you will never feel bad. Therefore you will never be unattractive because no one can take away your natural ‘what you are’. You sense of ‘who you are’ and the temporary happiness can be taken away from you if you define yourself externally with ego.

If you never feel bad and have an egoless, natural, baseline, constant good feeling you will certainly always be a sexworthy guy. It’s from this baseline that you have a instant slip stream to the NIMBUS euphoria. Ego based nimbus is fleeting, sporadic and volatile. Self esteem based nimbus is steady, constant and internally manufactured. Ego based nimbus is like fireworks. Self esteem based nimbus is like ‘hot coals’ or a laser beam. A steady and unwavering source of congruent good feelings. The power of a self esteem based nimbus is proportionate to the influence it has on others.

For a guy who truly defines his reality achieving a nimbus feeling that is instantly very attractive to girls is as simple as going into a social situation. Having nimbus at your finger tips is the holy grail of natural game.

When you self actualise by shedding the constraints and influence of external factors you mindset changes. Instead of having a mindset where you are constantly concerned and stressed you have one that is carefree, easy-going and cool.

You are always higher value and attractive to the girls you talk to.

Your mindset stimulates your pituitary gland which regulates the hormones in your body. Because your mindset is good you body feels good automatically. Because you automatically feel good the mirror neurones in the women’s brain’s are triggered when you approach them and influence their reality. Because you feel good you influence the girl with a good feeling. You are attractive.

You realise your game CAN’T NOT be a ten. Girls won’t see you as anything less.

Whatever you feel, she feels. This is the golden rule of natural game.

Alexander~

Brizendene, L., 2006, “The Female Brain,” Morgan Road Books, ISBN 0-7679-2009-0

On the edge of my antique leather chair I waited anxiously for the expert opinion that could be my last chance of life. I waited for what I hoped would ignite the healing of the innumerable holes in my soul.

Ruminating, the psychologist mulled over the contents of my heart. It was clear he had made his conclusion, now he was just considering how he was going to best deliver the despair.

All senses attentive, using the last of my optimism I hoped that the news would be good, but expected it to be bad. I hoped that there was a life to hope for.

He spoke.

“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it.”

And then, I passed away.

Why bother getting out of bed? Would make it to bed tonight? The urge to hurt myself confused me.

A simple rage rose inside of me. Everything I went though was for nothing. There was NO answer. If the psychologist didn’t know then it was for sure there was no hope. I had quit university, quit football, left home and dedicated my life to something unachievable.

My visceral pulse had stopped. Murdered because of my own pure intentions.

I just wanted to have a fucking girlfriend.

There is no point in this life, no good came of anything I did.

Fuck it all.

Eight years earlier I was 13 years old. All I wanted in life was to have a girlfriend to look after and do sweet things for. She would be of my choosing. I didn’t want anything in return, I just wanted someone to look after, someone to make happy.

Childhood was a dark place for me. I had a well off family, lived in a good neighbourhood, people that loved me and I was smart for my age. But I had, I thought, no friends. Unknowingly it was this attitude that bought rise to my social solitude. It was my social solitude that had me in tears far more than any healthy person would endure while growing up.

By the age of thirteen the patterns were set. I embraced the identity of outsider and the spiral of self sabotage spun out of control. By the time I was thirteen a girlfriend, I thought, would fulfil the fractured being that I was.

I met the girl because a nine year old on the bus gave me his older sister’s email. I added her to online messenger where she invited me to sneak over to her house to meet her friends. Ten twelve year old girls who were having a slumber party.

Fronting confidence and indifference I met with the young private school girls. They were taken by me as they didn’t go to school with boys. I was a star for the two hour flirtation I stayed for.

With one girl I made an instant connection. She wasn’t that special looking. But to me she was perfect. I had never been more convinced of anything in my life. She knew me and I knew her in a way that we didn’t know each other.

Both of us were nervous and exited to get to know each other. For the first time in my life I felt totally empowered and experienced my maiden foray into the emotion of love. In contrast to the self inflicted hate I had experienced all my life I was immediately unhealthily addicted.

She wrote me love letters and I wrote them back. We spoke on the phone for hours on end. I memorised her phone number, I bought her an expensive opal necklace for her thirteenth birthday.

We went on a date to see Moulin Rouge. I put my arm around her but I was too scared to do anymore.

She later said she was uncomfortable. I thought it was ok. But soon after the event she vaguely implied that she didn’t want to go on dates again. I didn’t understand. But by her making herself more scarce it only drove me to chase her company and affection more desperately. All I understood was that hard work would yield desirable results.

Meanwhile this was my first year at a new school. It was an all boys school. I skipped a grade so I struggled in class and was continually verbally tormented because of where I had moved from. I had no friends, and for someone to consider being my friend would tarnish their reputation in the school.

I was physically tormented and injured daily. I remember going into batting practice in the cricket nets where my teammates would line up to pitch cricket balls at me. They were successful too. I would suffer cricket balls to the head, torso, groin, where ever. It wasn’t practise, it was brutality and humour extracted from my body.

This girl who had shown me a chance represented a glimmer of hope in a desperate and turbulent period of my life.

One year passed, then two. Occasionally the girl would see me. Then she wouldn’t return my calls. Then we would go on a date, then I would hear through her friends that she hated me. All the while the cogs in my head ground together with increasing abrasion trying to figure out what it was going to take for this one hope of love and happiness to materialise. The harder I thought and schemed the deeper into the bottomless pit of misery I tumbled.

I learnt poetry to woo her. I bought her gifts. I sent meaningful flowers to her house. Sometimes she would see me in person. Other times she would shun me. When other guys in my grade were out partying on weekend nights I had nothing to do. It left me plenty of time to sit around and think about how I was going to get this girl, make her happy and complete myself.

More years passed. My internal torment spanned almost half an adolescent decade. Things worsened. I would drunk dial when I was drinking alone. I spent time with and later fucked her friend to get to her. She would stay in contact with me out of sympathy. Close enough to dangle the carrot within perceivable reach, but far enough that every time I gestured towards it, the deeper the trench would grow between her and I.

At the time of my senior formal, though by this stage I had began to form some friends, I had only one choice as to who I wanted to take with me on my night of nights. The Australian version to the ‘Prom’.

There was even a massive after party for couples to go to afterwards. I wasn’t invited.

I extended the invitation to her. To which she neither said yes or no. After all that she and I had been through we had grown close in a way. We had a sense of rapport with each other that we’d formed with no one else. She wanted to get closer, but my insane behaviour would continue to drive her away.

While others in my grade were forming tables to the school formal and organising their partners limousines I had neither a table of people to sit with nor did I have a date to get a limo for. With only a few weeks to my formal the other girls I knew had already been invited. Now I was looking at going to my formal alone. And maybe sitting alone. For weeks leading up to the event I had my own social ineptitude shove mercilessly in my face.

By the week before the formal I was in a state of mind where I expected to go alone. As fate would have it the girl’s friend was going with a guy from my school. On that variable she agreed to go with me. I was over the moon. I even secured an invitation to the after party so I could go there with her and spend time getting closer to her. Maybe, finally, something might happen between us after a magical night together.

She came. I hired and expensive limousine and an amazing diner suit. My heart beat furiously the whole night and I vomited from nervous expectations. We had dinner and we danced. We had fun with her friend and boyfriend. Then unexpectedly, half way through the night she simply left. Her dad came to collect her.

Alone and left with two massively expensive bribe value tickets to the after party I decided to go anyway. There I drank alone and watched all the other couples lovingly making out and snuggling together in the freezing cold winter weather.

Without anyone to talk to I thought to myself there must be some reason why couples are together and I’m not. Something identifiable and executable. If I didn’t figure it out what was the purpose of living? While sitting unaccompanied by any girls or friends someone threw a bale of hay at me and knocked me into the dirt. Hive fives all round.

I drank myself until I passed out in the same dirt later. I woke there in the morning when everyone was gone. You would think that someone would have tended to me? Nope.

After I graduated school the dredging efforts for the girl continued. More to salvage something from my desperate efforts than it was because I harboured affection for the girl anymore. I knew nothing else. I made friends with several of her best friends to try and get inside the workings of her head. I made friends with her parents. I wrote her long psychological letters. I even dated and fucked her best friend to see if it might spark the girl’s emotional interest in me.

Although she and I were not close personally we were always just one degree of separation from each other. A mediated relationship conducted by the people close to her. It turned out that she had started seeing some guy seriously for the first time in her life.

One of the girl’s friends was short a partner to her formal. The girl though it would be a good idea to set her up with me. The train of logic was that both her friend and I suffered social scarcity and by setting us up she would solve two problems with one wave of her logistical wand.

A few weeks before the formal was invited to hang at a small gathering with the prospective partner, the girl, the guy she was seeing and some others. Delighted and exited at an opportunity to see the girl in person I went. When I got there the gathering was pretty much a non event.

There was my prospective partner and a few others but my girl and her boyfriend were nowhere to be seen. Inside one of the rooms the Coldplay album “A Rush of Blood to the Head” was blaring giving a eerie emotional veil to an awkward situation. It was odd that such a melancholic CD could cause a physical throbbing to the structure of the house.

When I asked the host of the non-event where my girl and the object of her affections were she looked at me as if I was stupid for not knowing.

“They’re in my room, she planned to have sex with her boyfriend for the first time.”

The structural rocking of the house was explained.

Why am I being exposed to this?

Surely she would have been aware of the effect this would have on someone who was clearly emotionally dependant on the situation. And emotionally unstable. I was literally sick. Again.

This was the lethal injection.

If I hadn’t lost faith in myself and life before this point certainly now my corpse had been plunged into set and sinking concrete. Life continued to get darker and the point of it became less and less worthwhile.

A few weeks later I was out. I had lost the people I had gone out with and found myself alone and drunk to the point of leglessness. I decided to banish myself form the bar and get a taxi home.

The driver had a turban. On the drive home I addressed him racially in my state of absent mindedness. He kicked the shit out of me in the passenger seat then opened the door and kicked me to the curb.

Left to walk I barely remember getting home. The next day I found I had texted and rang abusing the girl, her parents and her friends. What I communicated to those involved was that the girl was a whore and I told her parents that she was sexually diseased. Told her friends they were fuckwits and that I manipulated and fucked them to get to the girl.

Needless to say I regretted it. But it was the final stake in the heart that was any chance I would ever have to talk to her again. Years later, I would set up two of the girl’s friends with two of the guys I played football with.

At that time the girls proceeded to tell my male colleagues all about what happened in my hideous past. They used this gossip as ammunition to rubbish my name in an attempt to drive me out of my own social circle which was my football team. By joining a football team the people you play with have to be your friends.

In light of my drunk dialling the girl left my radar. I was heartbroken in the same way you would be if a loved family member died unexpectedly. Though she was never with me, or even close to that, she was the plug in my bleeding soul.

Without that purpose in my life, the purpose of my life, life, I figured, was purposeless.

At that point in time I worked at a fruit store to pay off debts owed to my parents.

While working there I noticed a girl working the checkout who looked similar to and had the same mannerisms as the girl who had driven me to insanity over the past six years. Over the next few weeks I noticed her more and more, I would always walk past where she was working check in where she was taking her break. I rolled up my sleeves so she could see my ‘muscles’.

Over a month I watched her. While I stacked shelves in the fruit store my imagination went into overdrive. My sole hadn’t stopped bleeding black blood since the culmination of events with the girl that preoccupied my youth. I couldn’t resist my emotions that were fast seducing my brain with the idea that this new girl could be the answer to all of my problems.

What could I do? The more I thought about proposing the girl the more I felt nauseous about the very good chance she would rid me of any hope of self worth in the future by declining my advances. At least propositioning the girl would let me know if life was worth living or not. The investment of emotions that I was about to commit to the first contact with this girl would dictate my emotional stability.

I just wanted a girlfriend.

In my previous attempts to secure a girlfriend I had learnt poetry and over the last few years sent over a dozen bouquets of flowers. The only fitting first contact was going to be something noteworthy and indeclinable. I was never stupid. I had learnt more from the emotional experiences I had when I was young then most people do in their entire life. With these lessons in mind I sent eighteen long stemmed red roses and a poem to our fruit store.

It was a work of art. It was every girls dream, more importantly I knew the way I was going to treat her was going to make her the happiest girl in the world. The roses were delivered and waited on the office table for her to collect when she arrived at work. The whole workplace was abuzz. No one knew it was me who had sent them.

When she arrived at work my heart beat so fast that it starved my mind of air. Feeling giddy and sick in the stomach I waited for her to read what I had sent her. I knew that as soon as she did she would know it was from me.

As if it were in slow motion the girl approached me amongst the fruit shelves. Smiling and blushing intensely she nervously spoke to me as if she herself was scared of being rejected.

“Would I be wrong in thanking you Alexander for the pretty flowers?”

I indicated that she would not be.

With a school girl excitement she rushed forward and hugged me. She then returned to her counter to see to customers. For the rest of the day we played chicken with our eyes. My chest ached and my hopes soared as my brain spun out of clinical control. I was sick in the head. I thought about snuggling up with her, about picking her up from university and making her dessert.

I planned to speak to her when her shift finished, she finished before me. But I never got the chance.
When she finished work a guy, younger than me but bigger, approached her in the car park. With eighteen roses and two-month pay check vase weighing her arms down she awkwardly but deliberately kissed the guy.

He kissed her back and grabbed her hard.

That day, my level of faith in the world broke beyond repair. I used to question what sort of identity I had. Now, in light of this final and fatal eternal feedback, external references had cast me as a loser. At least now I knew who I was. This instance in my life inspired the actions that would structure the next few years of my life.

Now that I knew what I was I was going to be a loser to the fullest. If I was going to continue to collide with the sad reality that was my life then I was going to embrace it with fury. Hope had turned to self destruction. Sinister internal forces drove me to want to destroy myself and enjoy it.

I enjoyed it. I knew nothing else. By this stage in life I had been through enough and was smart enough to systematically and calculatingly destroy myself. I knew how to find the most brutal emotional circumstances and endure the arousing disembowelling that was my continued self demise.

Included in my poetic literature for the girl was my phone number. I soon got a text from the girl. She wanted to thank me in person and thought I might be a nice friend. She arranged to meet me. Surprised at this, I agreed, thinking meeting her in person would be an opportunity to shove me face right back into my glaring failure.

But when we met up something unforeseen happened.

Almost from the instant we began to talk and hang out in person, we literally, genuinely and affectionately fell in love.

Even though I was self hating, a failure by record and someone who identified with lack I was never naive. I had always been academically intelligent and due to the past experiences with the former girl I was very socially intuitive and a good emotional mind reader. After all that I had been through with girls and socially, after spending so much time watching and analysing I could see things that no one else could.

When we were around each other we gave mutual affection and sense of self that we had never known. She had a dark past and was in a very similar headspace to me. We instantly identified with each other. To my terror, we completed each other. We were reciprocal plugs in each others’ individually weeping souls.

One hang out turned into five hang outs. We had personal jokes that we both laughed at before we even formed them. We went on driving adventures when she should have been at uni. We ate at fancy restaurants even though we couldn’t afford it. Soon we found ourselves spending five or six hours a day in personal or telephonic contact.

She had an ex boyfriend who would continually call to harass her and a boyfriend who she would constantly bitch and complain about. But she told him she loved him.

While she and I were falling in love I monopolised her time. Her boyfriend would bombard her with calls to which she responded by rejecting them. We grew closer and closer, we began to manage each other’s time. All the while she had a boyfriend who was under the impression she loved him. At the same time she had an ex whom she would still see.

With a lot of courage and the possibility of positivity and optimism creeping back into my psyche I confronted her about her feelings for me. For both of us it was clear how we felt. How sickly we were growing dependant on each other. The feelings, we thought, were love. Really it was a mutual agorophobic fear of being left alone.

Without speaking the words of affection we knew where we stood. It was not so much that we were in love but more that we couldn’t live with ourselves without each other. She said that she wanted to be with me more than her boyfriend but that she would never cheat on her boyfriend. She just had to speak to him before anything would happen between us.

Patiently I waited for her to take action. As I waited and my expectations grew my heart and self worth flirted dangerously with collapse.

We would still hang out, each time we did I asked her if she had yet spoken to her boyfriend. For more than ten occasions we would hang out affectionately not yet acting on our neediness out of respect for her boyfriend.

One night the strain cumulated to action. We hung out the same way we did every previous day for the last four months. That night she had flaked her boyfriend to spend time with me. I didn’t have anyone to flake, but I had quit university and football to spend time with her.

Sitting cold and huddled together by the sparkling night river we talked about how we felt about each other. In a state of internal disease that had become uncomfortably familiar she and I moved closer together. With closeness and locked eye contact we spoke softly and stumbled our words. Facing the most heart wrenching rejection of my life, an acting in the face of all my fears I decided I had to kiss her.

In a moment when time stood still and the universe around us ceased to exist, our lips met.

I had never kissed a girl I loved with all my being before, I never have since. I have never at any other point in my life kissed someone whom represented my only chance for happiness in life. In my life this was the moment that held the most emotional magnitude I had ever experienced.

My head spun and the memories of the rest of the night faded to black. We kissed more. She vowed she would break up with her boyfriend so we could be together.

After dropping her home all my self hate and world loathing totally inverted. I drove around for hours singing and listening to music. Life was going to be ok after all. Tomorrow she would be single and we could be together.

When we hung out the next day she hadn’t spoken to the boyfriend. Nor did she over the course of the next ten times we hung out. We would kiss more and more and she would hate herself just as much. I began to feel more and more betrayed. The love that I had hoped for and psychologically needed was slipping beyond my grip.

At this point in my mind there was only one reason that prevented us from being together. I had to do something about this boyfriend. Since I had started seeing the girl he and his friends would call me up and threaten to hurt me. He hung with some pretty serious dudes. These threats added tension and fear to an already fragile situation with the girl.

The boyfriend would call her all the time distracting from my quest of her being with me. I took action. After being repeatedly threatened over the phone I gave the gang of dudes my address and challenged them to come and see me. Me and my roommates knew where he hung out on weekends.

We went to ‘take care’ of him.

I forget who spoke first or what happened but it ended up with him and I facing off on the street about to come to blows. Both of us were drunk and ready to kill each other. He taunted me and by telling me he was fucking the girl I loved. I was ready to throw down out of pure emotional fury before my roommate beat me to it. The guy was manhandled and frankly I think the insanity of my friend scared the shit out of him. I didn’t hear from him again after that.

One afternoon, a Tuesday, we hung out just the way we usually did. Things had gotten progressively more intimate recently. That tuesday would play a pivotal part my emotional demise.

After fooling around in my room, listening to some music, and tickling each other I bought up the topic of sex. We were in a weird mood with no one else home at my parents house during the day. We spoke about our feelings and neglected the fact she was still with her boyfriend because she didn’t have the confidence to talk to him and discontinue sleeping with him.

Under the covers she took off her pants, I did the same, and we had sex.

To be with someone for the first time and for it to be simultaneously such a non event was an ghostly and vacant feeling. On the one hand I though in my mind it should be a good thing, but it made me feel sick to think it was done for the wrong reasons with a girl who had a boyfriend.

After that event our relationship became jaded. I dropped her off that day with no kiss. She had planned to go away that weekend with girlfriends and said that now she really needed to talk to her boyfriend.

We didn’t talk all weekend which scared and heightened my insecurity. When she got back she, now psychologically and emotionally my other half, had written me a letter.

In short she said she liked hanging out with me, but it had all become too much with her having a boyfriend and her ex calling and seeing her all the time. She wrote that she needed some ‘x’ time to be on her own. She wrote to me saying that her decision not seeing me anymore either.

That night, and for the next four weeks I stayed in my house listening to Coldplay and crying in front of my computer.

I made attempts to hang out with her, but she declined. After a while I decided that I would respect her and wait. After waiting for weeks I called her crying regularly, begging her to be with me. I wanted her, no, I needed her to be my girlfriend. After a while she said she wouldn’t be my girlfriend. She said she just didn’t feel that way about me. We would still hang out daily but now she wouldn’t let me kiss her.

Every day I would spend time with the love of my life who was inches in front of me. We agreed to be friends and not be intimate. This hurt for me worse than being completely apart and me feeling sorry for myself listening to Coldplay. While we were friends we slept together. I could fuck her, but I couldn’t love her. This was the final blow to the destruction to what hope I had left.

I hated myself, I hated the world, now I hated her.

I stopped calling her. I began to drink avidly. I would drink on my own and pass out early in the afternoon. She would call concerned and worried about me. It didn’t matter anymore, all that I cared about was revelling in my own self demise. I wondered if I could fall all the way to bottom of the well?

I wondered what it would take to get myself there and what I would find. There was certainly nothing left for me anywhere else.

Out one night getting drunk and provoking police officers we took refuge in a bar. In there, on a drunken adrenaline high we spoke to some girls. At this point I didn’t give a fuck about the world, all I cared about was my own path to self demise and pleasing myself. What was an initially vicious reaction from the girls turned into a situation where I was isolated with a gorgeous brunette girl who was touching all over me.

Realising this I became nervous and drank more. When she asked for my number I gave it to her, fuck the other girl who was fucking with my feelings. I kissed this girl, she asked if she could see me that week. That Monday night I picked her up from her house.

She told me her address. Freakishly her street was the same name as my other-half girl’s last name. More so, when I asked this girl what is her favourite CD she said groove armada. My other-half girl currently had that CD of mine. I asked her second choice and she said Jack Johnson. I currently had on loan Jack Johnson from my other-half girl.

While on the date I was enraged. This girl was all around better than my other-half girl. Hotter, smarter, cooler and taller. This girl was even really into me. But all the same, I didn’t feel a thing for her. All I could think about was my other-half girl and they way she had fucked me up. I hated her. I was sick of having the shit kicked out of me, I was done with her. Fuck her. It was time to start seeing someone else.

I had been talking to a female friend a lot about my problems with this girl and life in general. This friend was the central definitive role in turning the situation around. She was older than me and ‘oracle’ wise. I had given up on anything happening with the girl I had become desperately dependant on , I had given up hope of her ever committing to me. My female friend revived my hopes by texting her.

My female friend simply texted my girl asking if she loved me. She responded yes. This was a massive eye opener for my girl because it was her being honest with herself for the first time. It had always been me trying to logically convince her that she liked me. Because things happened this way, it is true to say that it was never actually me who made the girl want to be my girlfriend. Its still true that

I simply wasn’t capable of it getting a girlfriend.

After speaking to me in person and because of my amazing female friend my girl made harmony with her feelings. When she was finally honest with how she felt she was shocked. In an emotional reaction she sent me this email:

“alexander,
thank you for even opening this.
Firstly: apology for the nature of this [being an email] I would never do this in any circumstance however I need to say some things now and I cant any other way, please read what I have to say as illogical and retarded as it may sound, please.

Please take care
I will be thinking of you even though I know that by now you have deleted me from your phone, removed all reminders of me and gone into alcohol mode.
Please don’t hate me and please if you ever think of me, ever, know that I meant what I said that night after the movie and they aren’t dead and buried feelings [I know this only because I wouldn’t risk emailing you this crap if I didn’t want to stress these things to you here and now] they are just in hibernation and i cant change that but i know that i dont want to live wiht the fact that i have lost you forever and ever.
x x x x its funny how an x can symbolise so much
if your up to this bit i want to thank you for even opening this because i dont deserve you, your time or your like [ i say like only becuase love sounds retarded]”

After that day everything changed. For a week we were apart, enough time for parallel soul searching.

After exploring a future of sadness alone in the world away from our other halves we came back together, and for the first time could openly love each other. She as my girl and me as her man.

From that day on we were joined at the hip and for the first time I was happy in a way that I had never even imagined. What amplified my love for this girl the most was the contrast in feelings from the dark times I had endured previously. We ate together, spoke on the phone for hours every day.

We would go on random driving adventures and have picnics. We would skip school and work to go to the beach. We would break into a private high schools to swim and kiss under the moonlight.

A week after we worked out all our issues I panned a trip for her and I to Byron Bay. She told her parents that she was staying with friends so she could stay there with me which was a big deal and first time for us. Her parents were extremely strict about her curfews and keeping track of her whereabouts. For the first time in my life I hired a hotel room on my own, didn’t tell my girl where we were going. I picked her up and drove her there as a surprise.

I had it all planned out, finally I could express the magnitude of my love, affection and show generosity in a way I never had. After seven hard years my lifelong dream had become a reality, it was the sweetest feeling I had experienced in my entire life.

I planned to take her out to dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town. Afterwards for dessert I had something special planned. Before I picked her up I had packed the trunk of my 1970’s Mercedes with blankets and pillows and all the supplies necessary to sleep on the beach.

With her eyes closed I lead her to the beach where I set up a stove to cook hot chocolate and roast marshmallows. Under the starry clear night sky it was cold, but with each other and our drinks we were in our own little heaven. We laid back in each other’s arms looking at the shooting stars skipping across the crystal clear Australian night sky. I was in love. All the years of self hate and crying faded to oblivion.

While we lay there on the fine beach sand that silent night my girl whispered to me

“I’m in love with you”.

I wept. And for the first time in my life, they were tears of happiness.

For months we went on like this. Sending each other poems and giving each other gifts. We would often surprise each other where we worked and we were constantly on the phone. She got to know my family and my family loved her. Everything was fitting into the place I had always dreamed it would.

There was no other happiness like it.

But I was soon to realise being with her was like a drug. No good can come from an drug you are addicted to that is limited in supply.

There was one catch to my newfound utopia. Her parents hated me. It might have something to do with the fact that could clearly see my unhealthy emotional investment in the girl, or the fact that she was spending way too much time with me, or the fact that every week they had a new bouquet of flowers on their kitchen table.

This materialised in the way their limited and restricted my girl’s freedom. Some Saturday nights I would pick her up at 8.30 only to have to have her home by 9.25. Fucking bullshit. She didn’t even have anything to do the next day. In addition to these limitations they were neither welcoming nor warm towards me.

Because I saw her as my other half this frustrated me at first. Very soon it made me emotional and angry. We would get into arguments that would invariably have her crying and angry at me. She would get into fights with her parents about me that made them angry and frustrated at her which she would get upset at me for. Stupidly, I continued to push the issues of her freedom and her curfews.

Her parents would imply to her that she would be fatally bought down because of me as her boyfriend. The situation quickly descended into an unhealthy state and all the happiness and love that I had been through so much to realise to slowly turned to friction.

In a desperate attempt to impress her parents I moved out of home to get my own place. I thought it would impress them and inspire them to lift the curfews the imposed on their daughter. What made matters worse was that now I lived further away, she hated being at my house because she hated my roommates and my roommates hated her being there because she took me away from drunken fun times with my friends.

Living out of home I was poor. Living with friends was massively stressful because I had to work every day at four in the morning. I was always irritated by my roommates partying. What I hated the most was the fact that she wouldn’t, I thought, even talk to her parents about working towards lifting the curfews and being able to stay with me. I would g to work every day going insane doing my head in.

I loved her so much and simply couldn’t accept that the main feature of my life was compromised. She was my other half, so in my mind, I was compromised. I couldn’t live with it. We argued and cried and fought and screamed for months. I hated the situation so much that it bought out all the deeper psychological issues that had infected me when I was younger, on her.

Something had to change. I was more unhappy being with someone I loved under compromised circumstances than simply being alone and sad. I loved this girl but I couldn’t continue to expose our love to this negativity and risk losing it forever. In my mind there was no doubt that we were destined to be together, forever. This was the foundation of my logic when I made my desperate and extreme plan.

I planned to dump her soon after her birthday. I made up the reason that I didn’t love her anymore. Of course I loved her but before I could be with her I knew I needed to get myself into a healthier headspace and get my emotions under control. How could I have her rely on me emotionally, when I was aware that I was emotionally unstable and that I couldn’t even rely on myself.

The plan was I would break up with her for a year and undergo a ‘rite of passage’ I would work and make friends. I would read and work out. I knew I needed to grow as a person to stabilise and become something that others could emotionally rely on. I would work every single day so I could save up the deposit for a house. That way, her parents couldn’t not like me, they would have to respect and accept me if I had a house. And I would get a six pack, because my girl liked guys with a certain type of abs.

When I first broke up with my girl for both of us it was like our lives came to a standstill. The day I broke up with her, in anger of what the situation had come to I repeatedly hit a tree through tear blinded eyes until the knuckles of my fists were bloody and raw to the point I could see cartilage. I was fucking devastated and so was she, why did our relationship have to come to this course of action. I hated her parents. For months she tried to get back with me while I was on my mission for her.

For a time I was strong. I was disciplined about going to work and going to the gym and not seeing her. But four months after I had broken up with her for my plan I had a massive falling out with my roommates to the point where they hated me and I hated them and I had to leave the house and leave them with no furniture. When this was going on I answered my girl’s calls and I compromised my discipline and allowed her to see me. We slept together out of my own lack of willpower and neediness.

I was like a drug addict progressing through rehab getting a fresh hit. Being back with her really fucked with me. I was torn between the mission I wanted to achieve of getting the house and impressing her parents so I could be with her. Or having her there in my life at a time when I was fragile, scared, alone and forced to move back home to my parents because of the falling out with my roommates.

Instead of being decisive one way or another I would see her and sleep with her, then tell her that I wanted to move on, feigning congruence with the original reason why I wanted to break up with her.

After two months of me fucking her around and sleeping with her but not committing to her she got fucking angry and emotional and instead of caring about me anymore, she cut me out of her life.

I didn’t realise it at first as I was convinced that we were meant to be together. It wasn’t until she stopped trying to contact me altogether that the notion occurred to me that I had messed with her heart so badly that she had moved on for good.

Unwilling to accept that as truth and now in a position where my girl wouldn’t return my calls I was resigned to daily the daily grind at the box factory. I worked dedicatedly to save for a deposit on a house to impress her parents enough to let her be with me. I made the decision to stick to my original deadline of re-initiating contact and the relationship a year after we had originally broken up. That date being her birthday.

Each day I went to the box factory. All I did there was take boxes from a pallet and put them onto a conveyor belt. Previously I was at a prestigious university where I scored 100% on neuroanatomy exams. The other staff at the factory were from a labour hire company and while all were uneducated some were disadvantaged. This is where I had ended up. Dumb labour, heart break and a slim chance of hope, working in a capacity suited for disabled people.

To endure it I held on the image of my future with my girl. Now however, the thought of things not working out crept into my mind. But I delusionary refused to acknowledge them. With every box I put onto the conveyor belt I would think, ‘my girl – my girl – cherish – love – happiness – my girl- there’s still hope – future’.

That year I put tens of millions of boxes on a conveyor belt, each time I would repeat these affirmations . The thoughts of being with her kept me motivated when I had nothing else to hope for or aspire to. At the gym after work I would think to myself as I lifted weights, ‘my girl – the house – the abs – it’ll – all -work, out’.

I saved hard. The bank of Queensland approved me a loan of $550,000 Australian dollars. I had a massive deposit saved as I had no expenditures like going out to clubs or travelling. I had a six pack for the first time in my life. With a month before my girl’s birthday I was ready to re-initiate contact.

In a revelation of darkness, since the time we had broken up and through everything she and I went through I still had the password to her email account. Regrettably, and I despise myself for being so desperate to have done this, I would monitor her emails. It seemed that she had recently been seeing a tourist and was making plans to travel abroad to see him. Like yet another stake to my heart I couldn’t ignore the possibility that this girl had really moved on. Her parents were letting her travel to

Scandinavia to stay with this guy but not stay at my house a three minute drive from her. They really hated me.

Her birthday date approached. Everything that I had worked towards in her absence I had achieved. I got the loan and I had the physique. I was sure that time would have healed the wounds that my desperate and unstable behaviour had left in her heart.

I spent weeks making a double mix CD for her with our songs and a booklet with photos and words as to why each song was relevant. I bought her a massively expensive Tiffany’s bracelet to signify the ‘circle of our love’. And, once she accepted these gifts and agreed to see me again I had organised two return Business Class tickets (cheaply through hook ups from friends) for her and I to travel to Hong Kong and back during which time I imagined would explain everything that I had done and she would love me again.

So, in a little package I enclosed the note for loan approval, the bracelet, the personalised mix CD and of course some of my poetry. It looked perfect and it was perfect. This time around, the outcome of this venture really did dictate the value of my life. I had dedicated years to this girl and this was all in light of the efforts and trials I went through to be with her on top of the adolescent heart destroying marathon I had suffered with the girl before her.

This was it. I had worked so hard for her and done all the right things. Now it was out of my hands.
On her birthday I had the package, its precious contents and my acute desperation couriered to her house.

For a day I waited in my living room, lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. I listening to more Coldplay and looked at our old photos. After about 36 hours with no response an no sleep I decided that going to the gym would relieve my psychosis.

When I got home I found the package at my doorstep. Dizzy with nervousness I stumbled as I walked towards it. I opened it to find it as I sent it. Except for two words written on the back of my note to her.

Those two words read, “no thankyou.”

It didn’t make any sense. I couldn’t comprehend. My brain couldn’t even process. I felt nothing.

I sent it back to her house.

Very soon after her friend bought it back. With it she gave me a simple message, “If you attempt to contact my friend again there will be legal intervention.”

It took me twenty four months of hard drinking, working out and soul searching to recover from the mortal repercussions of that message. Everything in life I had worked towards, for what I thought was a noble and greater good was smashed to pieces.

It was like a white hot razor cut through my soul to remove the little hope of happiness that had remained before I sent my gift.

Apart from some emails of disgust, I have never seen or heard from her since.

Years later, I drunk dialled her similar to what happened with the previous girl. Strangely, I hadn’t dialled her phone number in years. But in my blacked out state her phone number came to me from the depths of my emotional memory. Even now I couldn’t recite it for you the way I typed it into my phone that drunken night.

I left terrible messages on her home and personal message banks. Even though it was years after I had heard from her in any form I still harboured the ridiculous belief that we would get back together.

After I woke the next day and received the hateful emails revealing to me what I did and what I said only then did I realise that the girl who had kissed me and told me that she loved me would never ever be mine. It was truly over.

After having my gift returned my experience in the world was numb and lifeless. I though the right thing to do was be angry, but my emotions had simply become despondent and non functioning.

Deluded and angry I converted my savings into a cool car, a cool stereo, moved out of home into a cool place and I bought cool clothes. I decided I was going to be a player. I had an image of Darth Vader on my computer desktop. Even to this day almost half a decade on there is still a LCD impression of it ghosting my screen as a painful remembrance.

When I went out to bars to ‘score’ girls I would simply drink myself to the floor and vomit in public. I would take risks that would put my life on the line. I was arrested several times for being drunk and unruly. I wanted to be a player, but you can play when you are an empty shell of a person.

I ended up pissing away all of my money on things I thought would impress girls and on lavish and rare dates with sub standard girls. Soon all the hard earned money was gone.

I had no money, no success with girls. Even my debts were mounting and from all the partying I was doing I was getting obese.

I had no choice but to quit chasing girls and quit being sociable all together. Every social expedition was a painful reminder of my past. I was broken and I no longer saw the point in trying to fix myself.

I was truly indifferent. As far as I knew, there was no hope. Even through all that I went through, even though every experience I had endured up until that point in my fragile life pointed towards there being no hope, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was in fact a way to get a girlfriend.

If anyone knew, I figured, it would be a psychologist.

So, at the age of twenty, clinically depressed due to repeated failure, frustration and heartbreak in life I took myself to a psychologist’s office. At least if I was sure there was no hope I could accept mediocrity, not bother to try with girlfriends or friends anymore and resign myself to hiding away from the social world around me that continually and mercilessly smashed me pieces.

I explained all the events relevant to my life situation. Everything that happened with both girls and my monumental failures. I explained the failures I endured after losing the girl I loved. I wondered if there was hope.

After comprehensively telling the psychologist of all the events I had endured since I was thirteen I had distilled all my issues down into one simple question that I needed answered by what the socially conditioned world naively but understandably considered to be an expert.

If the answer was a yes, and it was in alignment with everything I had been through then I would know for sure that there would be no reason to continue hoping

I questioned the psychologist. “It seems like, in life, if I love a girl that ‘does not equal’ her loving me back?”

On the edge of my antique leather chair I waited anxiously for the expert opinion that could be my last chance of life. I waited for what I hoped would ignite the healing process of the innumerable holes in my soul.

Ruminating, the psychologist mulled over the pouring out of my heart. It was clear he had made his conclusion, he was now just considering how he was going to best deliver the despair.

All senses attentive, using the last of my optimism I hoped that the news would be good, but expected it not to be. That there was a life to hope for.

He spoke.

“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it.”

Then and there, I passed away.

Why bother getting out of bed? Would make it to bed tonight? The urge to hurt myself confused me.

A simple rage rose inside of me. Everything I went though was for nothing. There was NO answer. If the psychologist didn’t know then I knew for sure there was no hope. I had quit university, quit football, left home and dedicated my life to something unachievable.

My visceral pulse had stopped. Murdered because of my own pure intentions.

I just wanted to have a fucking girlfriend.

There is no point in this life, no good came of anything I did.

Fuck it all.

Alexander~

…..

SUMANOVA has begun. The summer of mixed emotions is dead and buried, and RSD is about to pop a can of spinach before growing beyond recognition.

I’ll be in the thick of things. Ryan (www.ryanforreal.com) will play an integral part along with the stars of Tyler, Jeffy, Tim, Papa(!), Ozzie and Nathan.

In recent times you have seen longer posts from me. These are my first tentative efforts to expand on the established knowledge in the community. Many more works of similar length and profundity are on the brink of being published.

RSD: On the front line of the ongoing war against social conditioning.

I have a thirty hour flight back to Australia that I’m about to board, but I want to leave you with something to chew on.

I found out about this from a jaded American backpacker on a hiatus from his homeland. I found it to be just as profound as The Blueprint.

It centers around social conditioning, the battle of self esteem and ego, and the power of now.

Be warned: it’s very controversial.

I haven’t formed a definitive opinion about this yet, as I don’t think I have any basis of empirical evidence to support one stance or another. I’m well aware of sensationalist journalism and presentation… but, this will keep you thinking for days on end.

Grab some popcorn and get comfortable.

Zeitgeist.

Discussion in the comment box below. I’m interested in people’s opinions of this and just how accurate or sensationalist it really is.

Alexander~